I have a question that I very genuinely want to know the answer to.
Do you, as an artist, feel that you keep some thoughts hidden from those closest to you?
I ask for this reason: my friends are always telling me that they never hear my inner-thoughts until I write them in a blog post. I don’t like to share my feelings, emotions or musings with anyone. I can’t put my finger on why that is, precisely. It could be my desire for mystery, or privacy, or both.
I do tell my husband, and that is why he is my husband and best friend and generally everything in the world to me.
But everyone else? Sometimes I come upon the realization that they don’t really know me. And I love it. Does that make me sick? Probably.
I love knowing that no one else knows what I’m thinking or feeling. I get to experience it privately, not having to explain myself unless I choose to. And when I choose to, it is almost always here, publicly, never confiding in a friend or letting my emotions spill onto the floor.
I take a certain amount of pride in analyzing and dissecting my inner-workings. And here is the point of me asking this – I am coming to believe that my creative process is dependent on it. If I told everyone what I was feeling all the time, would I still create?
I am motivated to create because I hold certain mysteries close to my heart. They are mine, and I release them in the form I feel most comfortable with when I want to. It is selfish in so many ways. My friends beg me sometimes to share something private – to let them help me with a problem – to be more human. Numerous friends have said I’m like a robot.
I don’t mind it so much. I used to find it hurtful, until I realized it is a totally intentional thing I am doing.
Do you feel the need to keep some things
for yourself as tools to create with?
So much of the creative journey is doing what is natural and then, only later, understanding why. I love seeking knowledge about how my interaction with the world changes. I believe it can only lead to a deeper form of creating. Thank you for sharing, my creative family.
Your lovable robot,