When you really begin doing charity work, you start to realize something that just about anyone who has ever given philanthropically will come to realize: it is never enough. There is always more to do, or a more effective way of doing it. There is always a bigger issue or someone in more need or someone less selfish to do the giving. The problems are always deeper than originally thought, much more complicated, and require huge thinking shifts to occur to be properly solved. What can I do? Who am I to be helping? Is this good or is this just making the problem worse?

You will ask yourself those questions if you are giving with purpose. You will realize that you are so small compared to the problems of the world. You will grapple with the social responsibility of your actions. You will wonder if what you are doing is worth it.

I’m on a trip to Thailand and India currently. I will be gone for almost one month to teach self-portraiture and self-expression workshops to survivors of human trafficking. That sentence alone will bring me praise. Someone will read this and write to me and tell me how amazing the work I’m doing is, and I won’t pretend that it doesn’t make me feel good. What needs to happen though is checks and balances, a true and honest look into the work we, and I, do to try and make the world better.

I have struggled on this trip, more than before, with the question of if what I am doing is truly helping others, or if it is self-serving. I know that it is both, logically, as most actions we partake in are. What are the long-term effects? Are there meant to be long-term effects? I am not solving the world hunger issue, stopping animal abuse, or truly rescuing someone from being trafficked. I am trying to heal with the love and self-awareness I have.

Part of my struggle is learning how much deeper the problem is. I returned from Thailand a couple of days ago and felt both uplifted and downtrodden from the trip. It was incredible – beautiful, adventurous, hard-working, emotional. It was also eye-opening. One of my great passions is animal welfare. If you know me you know that this is something I am unwavering on and I live a lifestyle fully committed to ending the use of animals for our personal gain. Being in Chiang Mai, a region that largely makes it’s money on elephant tourism, showed me the depth of the struggle. You see a “sanctuary” and learn it isn’t a sanctuary at all. You see elephants chained and made to blow into sound-making machines for entertainment and realize that it is better than other tour companies letting their tourists ride in baskets on their backs. You see their ears torn up from hooks digging into their skin and realize that the tradition goes too far back to stop it right now.

Why do I bring this up, if I am there to help young women and not elephants? Because being a philanthropist does not mean doing work in the area of your expertise and turning a blind eye to anything that doesn’t fall directly under your jurisdiction. If we see injustice, shouldn’t we speak about it?

I met the most inspiring person while visiting the Mae Wong region outside of Chiang Mai, Thailand. Her name is Alexa. She went to Thailand to help at-risk girls from being trafficked. She opened a small resort and uses the money she makes from tourists staying at her establishment to pay for housing, food, and education for rescued girls. She speaks out against those who would mistreat any living being. She puts her life on the line for what she believes in. Certainly we won’t all go to the lengths Alexa has to stop the injustice we see, but what can we do?

It is too easy to see all of the corruption and say that there is nothing we can do, or nothing effective enough, or nothing long-lasting enough. I called my husband when I was feeling really sad about the elephants and all the people who still need help in Thailand and I said: “Maybe I should just come home. Maybe I’m not doing enough good here.” He told me what I already knew in my heart. He told me that all I can do is try, and that trying is so much more than what too many do, which is to turn a blind eye.

I’m back in India now. Today I begin a workshop for women who have aged out of the sex-trafficking trade. I have never worked in this capacity before and I am nervous. I am nervous that I won’t say anything useful, that I won’t be able to relate, that they will be uninterested. I am scared. I am hesitant. But this is what I have learned:

You can never know the impact you have on someone, so you might as well try.

You can never know how lives will be changed because of your actions, so do.

You can never know how the inspiration of doing will inspire others to try.

The cycle is a beautiful one. All we can do is try. All we can do is find our unique gift and give it freely. It might not help everyone. It might not solve the world’s problems. I may not be able to free the elephants or rescue all of those in need. I may not have a gift that everyone needs to receive. But I will still give it. I will still give it. No, the actions we take are rarely enough. I will continue to question these experiences. It will never be enough, but it is something and I would take something over nothing any day.

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How can you help Alexa? Purchase gifts from Daughter’s Rising, her organization that aids trafficked or at-risk girls.

We arrived in Thailand late at night and quickly crawled into our hotel beds and went to sleep. When morning came, my excitement was bursting to get out of that hotel, despite how lovely and welcoming it was. All I wanted was to get in the van that would take us to the elephants. At 8:00am on the dot the van pulled up and we gathered into the back rows, settling for our 90 minute ride to the Elephant Nature Park outside of Chiang Mai, Thailand.

I am a very big believer in kind treatment to all animals, and have long known of the suffering of elephants at the hands of humans. I wanted to help if I could when in that region and so we made the trip from Cambodia to Thailand to see what good we could do. The truth is, just going to the nature park was help, since the money goes to taking care of the elephants. But the more we could do, the better. I chose Elephant Nature Park very carefully, since a lot of elephant parks say they are taking care of elephants when they are actually using them as a tourist attraction. My rules were to find parks that 1) rescued elephants, and 2) didn’t allow people to ride them. This was one of two that I found in my search, and in doing so became inspired by the person who runs it as well. Lek, a woman on a mission, began saving elephants who were being mistreated and started Elephant Nature Park, a sanctuary for injured and abused elephants. She now has more than 60 elephants, as well as many other animals, too – like hundreds of dogs, cats, water buffalo, and more.

To say this was a dream for me is an understatement. One of the only things I care more about than photography and art is saving animals, so I felt very at home. We started our tour by walking through the park and visiting the elephants, who have many, many acres to roam on. Each elephant has a mahout who has been trained to use verbal cues, never hurting the elephants, to herd them when needed. Otherwise, they take care of them day after day, tirelessly. We learned their names and got to touch a couple of them. We looked on as they bathed themselves in the river, splashed in mud, ate and played together. Elephants travel in families, and that was really heartwarming to see. At times the family (some adopted!) would circle around the baby when they felt threatened and slap their trunks on the ground as a warning. It was an amazing, prehistoric sight to behold.

We feasted there like we would never have believed, each meal having more than 20 separate vegan dishes to choose from. I was absolutely spoiled. Our rooms were just as amazing, mosquito nets hanging gracefully over our beds, windows surrounding us. Elephants would pass by our windows as they were led down the paths. Birds of many varieties could be heard in the trees, and dogs barked when they played with one another nearby.

I stood against the railing of my deck, pressing myself into it and leaning over the edge as an elephant passed under me. The sun dabbled through the thick branches and created a haze where it escaped. Each step the elephant took dust escaped the ground and flooded the light. I felt my heart beating to the rhythm of the footsteps, and each breath became a exhale of dust into the world. I can’t help but feel a part of something, incredibly connected to the world around me in those moments.

Our time at the sanctuary brought many highs. We were fortunate enough to listen to Lek give a speech about elephant cruelty and welfare, and what we can do to help. She also spoke passionately about the well-being of all animals, and that really sang to my heart. We watched children do traditional Thai dances as we ate our dinner that overlooked the sanctuary from up in a tree-house. We bathed the elephants in the river, and bathed ourselves in the process! We fed the elephants watermelon and pumpkin and bananas. We floated down the river in tubes, passing locals on the way and elephants drinking the water we shared.

Our time was over so quickly, but we treasured it beyond words. We boarded an evening flight to Bangkok and got in very late, arriving to our flat at 1:00am and crashing quickly. The next day we went exploring for a nice, healthy restaurant we could all enjoy, and ended up at an amazing one that we savored. After that it was off to a cooking class that I had been very excited for, though my dear Lindsay was less excited. I had never really cooked anything prior to 4 years ago, but since then I took a liking to it and cook all of my meals when I’m home. I’m not good at it, but I love it. Lindsay was nervous, which kind of excited me because it isn’t often I get to throw her into something uncomfortable. So I promised to take care of her as we cooked, which meant, obviously, that I abandoned her and took pictures while she was forced to throw ingredients into the wok.

In the end, the food was the best we had on our whole trip, and we each got to make three dishes! It felt really amazing to actually make pad thai in Thailand! After that we explored the street markets and got souvenirs, Lindsay and I getting matching shirts and pants. The next day we went early to a floating market, and though it wasn’t all I hoped it would be, it was an interesting look at the culture and way of life. I got a bow and arrow as a take-home, but when I got to the airport it was immediately confiscated. That’s what I get for only bringing a backpack with me!

Our Thai adventure was over, but I wasn’t finished traveling. I was going back to India with Amy and Laura to start the school I dreamed up a couple years ago, The Light Space. And open the school we did.

I’ll be sharing Part 3 of my adventure (in India!) soon…

All images were taken by Lindsay Adler.