This was a year of extreme breakthrough for me on many levels. Professionally, I learned what I don’t want to do anymore and what I want to do more of. Cosmically (sure, why not), I learned where my position is in this life and how to better ascertain that (spoiler: it’s wherever I desire it to be). Creatively, I finally brought together ideas I’ve had brewing for nearly a year (more on that later). I learned these lessons by committing to one simple directive:

Pursue your PASSION and pursue it WELL.

Think about people who you think are really talented, who attract people to them, who really have that special something. Now imagine that person doing something other than what you know them for. Do you naturally assume they will also be good at that thing? I certainly do. Take Tim Burton, for example. I think he is a mastermind director. I had no idea he was also a sketch artist. And you know what? I think it’s brilliant work. The reason for this is simple: he is not talented because he found the one thing he is good at. He is talented because he has a vision and he is smart enough to apply that to anything he pursues.

The people who I admire are not talented or naturally good at one thing. They bring with them a fire/passion/charisma/drive that permeates the medium they work in. It flows through everything they touch. And that is why they are golden; that is why they themselves are geniuses and not just the work they produce.

This is a concept that I have spent a long time internalizing this year. I desire to be good at something just as anyone does. But, I don’t want to be known for one thing. I don’t want, for example, photography to be the only thing I ever do well. I want every passion I have to shine with the excitement I have for it. I want everything I do to have a piece of my soul in it.

Sort of like creating horcruxes, but not evil.

Let me explain how I’ve tried to embody that idea this year, and what the catalyst for it was.

I spent years trying to write a novel. I managed 80,000 words, and it was really, really hard. I was lost, I was confused, I had no sense of direction or plot, I didn’t know my characters, and it was simply painful to get to the end. I loved trying, but I loved reaching the 79,999th word even more.

“I’m done!” I thought fondly. And so I sent the manuscript off to my friend Ksenia, who promptly got back to me with the following advice:

“I know it took you years to work on this, but this is not a draft of a novel. Not yet. It’s more of a summery with some expanded scenes, something you write BEFORE you write the first draft. So it needs a lot of work before it will become a book.”

Needless to say, I had the stuffing knocked out of me for a minute. Literally, one minute. And then I put the stuffing back in, with extra care around the heart, and my world abruptly changed.

AND THIS IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS.

You make a choice, right there in the moment, right away, in a single instant, to be better.

When I read those words, I felt their truth. I felt the guidance. I felt ready to make them disappear.

I told you earlier that the lesson I learned was to pursue your passion and pursue it well. Up until this point in my life, my guiding force was “pursue your passion”. It wasn’t until this year that I put emphasis on doing it with integrity, with grit, with determination and with hours of hard work.

I received Ksenia’s feedback in mid-May. By June I had a book list to read and I was ready to be a student of writing. I wanted to learn CRAFT before I sacrificed my VISION. And I was not going to be so egotistical as to believe I was above any of it. I became a student in the most serious way.

I used to say I was a reader. The reality was, I just wanted to be a reader. I read about 1-2 books a year – that’s it. In the past 6 months I’ve managed to read 23 books, some fiction and some nonfiction, all teaching me how to be a better writer by studying craft. All of that was in between hosting my yearly convention, recording a 26-hour long Creative Live class, exhibition openings and more…all completely alone while traveling for a solid 3 of those 6 months. I say this because we are all busy. That is not an excuse. You make time for what is truly most important, and you don’t make time for the rest.

I made the time. And it was really hard, and I spent a lot of dinners with a baked potato trying to scrape in another chapter to keep moving forward.

Though let’s be honest, I love baked potatoes.

At some point I went from wanting
to publish a book to wanting to write a book.

I went from wanting a pat on the back for penning a novel to deeply and irrevocably desiring to craft a piece of writing from my imagination. There is a very, very big difference between the two, and it is one that is hard to admit.

My education has become obsession. I returned home from my final trip of the year at the end of November and I’ve spent every day curled by the fire reading, writing, and brainstorming. My Love sits with me for hours a day as we talk about the motivations/desires/traits/conflicts for my characters. We mull over the most whimsical, surreal settings we can think of. And in all of this, I have the most spectacular revelation:

I CAN DO ANYTHING, as long as I do it well.

I can make anything happen to my characters, create any type of setting, give any motivation and write however my imagination tells me to…as long as it is done with integrity and craft. That is the most liberating thing to discover.

And the funny thing is, I discovered that a long time ago. When I took my first picture I had spent the week learning how to craft my imagination. When I uploaded it, I heard from people who connected to it, who understood it, who felt understood by it. I already knew what it was like to stare into the unknown, but to do so with heart and integrity.

I had forgotten.

My friends, this is the most beautiful journey. It doesn’t matter what you ambition is. Pursue your passion, and pursue it well. 

Share two things with me: 1) What are you a student of? 2) What object would you turn into a Horcrux?

Post Script!

Here are my favorite books from this year:

1. MYST by Rand and Robyn Miller, for the world-building. I still think about it on a weekly basis and wish I could exist in those books. (It is a trilogy).
2. SABRIEL by Garth Nix, because it came the closest to my own sense of storytelling and prose. (Also a trilogy).
3. STRUCTURING YOUR NOVEL by KM Weiland, which was the most helpful novel-writing book I read.
4. AMERICAN GODS by Neil Gaiman, which is quite a tome and mixes mythology with the mundane beautifully.
5. HARRY POTTER by JK Rowling, which I had read as a child as well but DANG, that woman can WRITE. Period. (I devoured the whole series).

In a league of its own, however, is THE FIFTH SEASON by N.K. Jemisin. WOW.

The problem is not that we have hopes and dreams, it is that we measure those hopes and dreams against how someone else has defined success. And the funny thing is, that definition will always change. We will agree with some people and disagree with others. We will form our own opinions and those opinions will change. We constantly chase those new definitions, and we constantly change them.

What if we stopped thinking about success at all? What if we took that out of the equation? That is a very difficult thing to do in the society we live in. People are constantly flaunting their success on the internet. Magazines feature the “most beautiful people” on their covers. We watch reality TV shows and wonder why our lives aren’t so amazing. We constantly compare, and at the heart of those comparisons is the basic question: Who is more successful? Me or them?

Who cares about success? When all is said and done, and we’ve gone to our graves, no one cares about how much money you had, or how famous you were, or anything else for that matter. You are the only one living life every single day, every single moment, with yourself. You are your best ally and friend. You are the one who is going to get up in the morning, try hard, and go to sleep at night. So erase the word “success” from your vocabulary and try replacing it with something more productive: happiness, for example. Or love. Or meaning. Or…Anything at all.

Because we don’t have the time to waste on thinking about something so intangible and destructive. Success is a word that inherently means competition and comparison. The only reason we understand how to measure success in society is because we are fed a daily dose of news about who is successful and who is not, and we are taught to judge those people based on that. From there we are taught to be those people, and to strive for more, and to allow success to define who we are.

Focus on bliss.

Follow your bliss, as Joseph Campbell would say.

Find what it is that makes you whole, and become that.
Chase it.
Let it fill you.