How often do you let yourself be reborn anew? How often do you challenge your comfort zone, truly – not for show but because you feel that you are ready to stretch, or you need to grow, or you cannot fit in the body that contains you any longer? How often do you attempt the impossible? How often do you let yourself die to be renewed?

Rebirth. It is always on my mind. I want to be a thousand people in this lifetime, not just one. I want to learn everything about the things I love so that I can find more things to love and more things to learn. I want to shed the veil that drips off my face as life goes by so that I can find something new to hide behind, and a new way of shedding it.

When I create I am reborn. Most artists are, I think. You make something that defines who you are, and then it is outside of you, gone, taken by others who would view it or love it or hate it. That is the catharsis of creating: knowing that a piece of yourself is released. You can move on to a different piece while someone else digests what you have just lost, or given away, or gladly seen go.

Perhaps the saddest, or most distressing thing that I talk to people about is the danger of growth. We may not use those exact words, but everywhere I travel to I have conversations with new friends and old who tell me that the thing they want most is out of reach. They tell me all of the reasons why. They tell me how badly they want it. I tell them to get it. And a year goes by and I talk to that person again, and those fears have crept back in, and that dream is still dreaming.

Because, as I have witnessed too many times, one day you will wake up and realize you are the same person you were ten years ago. And that person might have been nice ten years ago, but that person is old and stale and boring. That person should have died long ago. And you regret that you didn’t take chances, and you regret that you have let too much time build up, and you regret not being an example to those around you of what it looks like to chase what you want.

I believe that our best moments are in the suffering of change and the beauty of it. Those moments show us who we are, who we might become, and if we look closely – our brilliance. My lessons in rebirth will never end. I will never stop visualizing that theme in my images, because I will never stop exploring what makes me alive. My greatest hope is that you explore your ability to change, too. We won’t always do so to great success, but doing so at all is quite the point.

I can’t help but love to use butterflies in my work because of this exact sentiment. The idea of metamorphosis is so often pushed past because, well, who has time for it? Many do not have the luxury of reflecting on life and making solid changes…or at least it seems that way. It doesn’t have to take long at all, but it should happen. Because if we aren’t thinking about being someone better than who we are now, where is the growth?

This relates so well to any type of creative endeavor. For me, it’s photography. I create best when I am growing and when I understand who I am and what I want to say. I could never understand that if I didn’t take time to cocoon myself and reflect and ultimately, grow.

I will never take my best picture because each one moves me further in the direction of my dreams, which are always growing and expanding.

Just like these butterflies coming from the imagination and moving outward, so do the ideas and dreams in my mind. They spread their wings and move on to further reaches of the world to make room for more. We are always moving forward, and keeping all of those butterflies trapped within will only kill them.

All of these things make me bubble with excitement. But then there is one thing that weighs heavily on my mind, and that is a change that I’m quite sad about. I can see the silver lining, and I’ll be posting about why later this year, but for now, I want to speak about the darker side.

My very first convention that I ever spoke at was After Dark. I was invited into the family with open arms and was allowed to be completely myself, no matter what. Ever since then I’ve been an advocate of what they do there, and am proud to say that I have become a part of that process and team. I feel so loved when I attend. I try to love on as many people as possible. It is one big lovely love fest.

But at the end of March, the last After Dark will take place. It is like seeing a part of my heart wash away, but at the same time, I know that things must change. If it weren’t for the extreme kindness of the family of After Dark, especially Dave Junion, I might not have found my voice. I knew that I had something to say, but I didn’t know where to say it. AD has become my home away from home, and I will miss it terribly.

I think that we all have something like that in our lives, be it a person or a place or a thing…something that makes us feel accepted, or welcomed, or just like we can be ourselves. That is After Dark to me, and even though it won’t live on past this final convention, I will take what I have gained from it and apply it to everything that I do. I will move forward with a passionate intensity that makes me feel good about being myself. I will spread the love that I learned there to everyone in my path. And I will make sure that AD doesn’t ever fully go away, as I know so many people will do, because we will take what we learned and allow that to guide us in the future.

I sincerely hope that you’ll join me for this last After Dark. I will be giving it my all when I’m there. I’m not going to be fancy. I’m not going to do backflips and tricks (except that one levitation class…). I’m just going to teach from my soul and give all that I can.

THE CONTEST:

Dave said that I could give away a free pass to After Dark running from March 30-April 2 in St. Louis, MO. If you would like to join us, please leave a comment with one paragraph about how you think that this experience will help your future. We’ll be picking one winner to join us!

Deadline is February 16th at 11PM PST.

Do you have something in your life like this? Something that makes you feel like you are okay to be yourself? A person, place, thing? Please do share, I love knowing what is near and dear to your heart.