How often do you live in madness?

[Transcript of video] I was thinking about Alice in Wonderland and how they not only introduce, but unashamedly applaud crazy individuals. What if we lived in a world where that was also encouraged, where we could be as mad as we like and we were applauded for it. Well, the truth is, that we do live in that world, only it is a world of elitism. We don’t exactly applaud the mad adventures of creative people in all circumstances. It is easy to be labeled weird or strange or written off for prancing around in a nightgown in the middle of the center of Amsterdam (or is that just me?) because craziness without success is often labeled as sad. But if you are crazy, and you follow through with one of your mad plans, and it suddenly is successful either through fame or money, then you are suddenly not crazy at all, but instead you are a genius. And with that genius comes praise and acceptance and a shift of the status quo. The problem here is that many people, myself included, will have ideas that are crazy and will not succeed. We think big and we try our hardest yet still that plan doesn’t find legs, and we find ourselves back at square one. This is a natural phenomenon. This is human nature – to try and fail and try again. Yet with how easy it is to be influenced by social media and the opinions of others, how often do we really try again? How often can we say that we are making our dreams a reality through the repeated failure of said dream?

How often do we put money first, or our family’s security, or the protection of our good name in order to protect what is nice and easy and safe? How often do we blame other people for our dreams not panning out? And it is easy to do this! It is easy to say that it was so-and-so’s fault, that mean person online who told me to give up. But think back to when you were a child and your parent told you to go to bed, and you rebelliously said no. That child didn’t think twice about what was right or wrong, what was safest for him or her. No, no, you simply did what your heart wanted. Why do we lose that? We lose that sense of self because we are taught to abandon it for the betterment of everyone around us. So when Mr. or Mrs. Nobody online, who we do not know at all, tells us to quit for whatever reason they see fit, we tend to listen, because we have been taught to listen. And listen we should! But not to that person. When it comes to following your dream, it is not wise to listen to the naysayer or the person who wants us to be safe. It is important to listen to ourselves, because in our heart of hearts we know what is right and what is true. We know what makes us feel alive. And without that…if we let that slip away…we will be left with a sore heart, too full with dreams to let anything else in. And we go on with what makes us content and we fail one last time.

But what happens when we don’t. What happens when we try again, and we find new ideas to love, and we nourish those ideas until they are so big that we simply must act on them. They cannot be ignored. And they shouldn’t be, because an ignored dream can be felt by everyone around you, and it infects their minds just the same as it rots in your own. When you pursue that dream, you show the world around you that it is okay to be different, to be mad and strange and weird, and it is okay to believe in what makes your heart soar. You prove to yourself that you are worth it. And even further, you change the world by simply not giving up. It is true that people become successful in the eyes of the public because of wealth and status, but that does not make their idea any better or worthy of praise. Your idea, it is very likely, has merit of it’s own. But no one will ever know that if you don’t tell them. And you won’t tell them if you never believe in yourself enough to try.

The first little while went really well. The water was pretty clear and we were having a lot of fun. But then some boats started coming in and docking – not at our pier, as it was out of commission (I checked first!) but at a nearby pier. This caused the water to become quite choppy, and since we were near rocks, we decided to get our before it got worse. I swam while holding my camera in my huge ikelite housing and then navigated the slippery rocks out while helping my friends and continuously (per request from Kelly) checking for sea creatures underwater with my camera (I would shoot a few pics to see what we were surrounded by). I did see a couple – an octopus and an eel, but I certainly didn’t tell her that until later. Once we made it out we decided to get back in when the water calmed, and we shot a few more images before calling it a night and drinking a coconut.

Now I desperately want to go back to Hawaii. Oh, to re-live these experiences through photographs is something I do not take for granted, and I can only hope to better document my next adventure.

Model: Marsha Denill
Assistance: Kelly McGrady

We inherently look for excuses to not do something that scares us. We dream big and we dream often, yet we do not always act on those dreams. So many people, including myself, will say to dream well, yet the second part to that equation – making it a reality – is equally important. Dreaming with no conviction – we suffer from this too often.

1. Stop using BUSY-NESS as an excuse.

We are all busy. I complain about it too much. In truth I am grateful, yet still I make empty wishes that I wish I could slow down. The truth is, so many of us seek busy-ness. We want to keep moving and changing and growing. And the product of that way of thinking is being busy: finishing the tasks we’ve already started and dreaming up new ones. Don’t allow being busy to stop future growth. All that can lead to is stagnation.

Find a time, even if it is only one day a week, that you dedicate to future projects. Maybe you wake up one hour earlier, or go to sleep one hour later. Maybe you eat lunch at your computer instead of at a cafe, and you take the time to draft that email you’ve been so scared to write. Set goals for yourself, and write them down, and re-write them often. Don’t let yourself forget.

Routine is an amazing thing, but figuring out how to break that routine to try something new can be even more powerful. Pick a time to dedicate to a future project, make sure you write down exactly what you need to accomplish so you don’t waste time, and then do it. By scheduling time and writing down your specific tasks, your mind will get to work in sorting out details before you ever sit down to do it.

2. Put your personality into it.

I get asked often how to draft an email to a gallery. It is a great question, since there aren’t exactly guidelines out there with exactly what an artist should say. The funny thing, though, is that no one ever taught me how to do that. I can’t say if I’m doing it right or not! So why do I mention it, then? Because the only thing I know how to do is to ignore the assumption that there is a “right” way of doing things. I work on the idea that my personality and genuine urge to move forward is all I need to do just that.

No matter what the venture is, who I am writing to, or what I need, I state my case simply and with my sincere voice. I write how I would speak, and I speak how I would want to be spoken to. I try to be relevant, and kind, and genuine. I end every email with a smiley face. Why? Because that’s me – take it or leave it. It has worked pretty well so far, and for those it hasn’t worked for, then perhaps they weren’t meant to be in my life anyway.

We don’t always know how to be “correct” or “professional” – so don’t! Just be yourself.

3. Seek advice from those you trust.

Here is a really personal example of something I am working on right now. Next year my goal is to host a convention. I’ve got the venue picked out and a lot of details coming together, but I felt stuck and unsure of where to go. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, or do something too quickly, or simply make the wrong choice. So I picked out 3 people in the photo industry that I trust and I went to them for advice. And the advice they gave me was priceless.

I went into those meetings knowing certain things about myself – for example, that I already had a set way of doing some things that I wasn’t willing to compromise on. I never recommend seeking advice unless you know 1) what your questions are, specifically, and 2) what your opinions are. Once you know those things, it is easier to not be swayed into doing something that you aren’t happy with.

4. Observe others.

So going on this convention example, I have found it very helpful to observe how other conventions are run. I have been on both sides of the spectrum, from speaking to attending, so I can understand what makes a convention run smoothly and what does not. For example, I don’t like having too many options at a convention, and I don’t like being overwhelmed by a huge amount of people. As a speaker it is awesome to have someone there helping you each step of the way so you aren’t lost or in over your head, and it is really nice to have a dedicated space to be when you aren’t speaking. All of this has been learned from simply observing – not judging, as all choices are made for a reason – but discovering what works best for me.

5. Assemble a team.

It is okay to ask for help – in fact, it usually makes your big projects even more successful. Knowing who to trust and how to help them do their part is a big plus in achieving more in the future. I’ve started working with three trusted people in my life to move forward this big project, and I can’t wait to have our first meeting. Delegate and be specific in your needs and wants. Say what you mean, and don’t hold back in sharing your expectations.

This week I tried something new when I did a lighting test. I set up two bare bulb strobes in my living room and instead of using the flash, I used the modeling lights. I hung a black piece of fabric tied to two kitchen chairs sitting on top of my dining room table. I set all of that up in front of a big glass sliding door for natural light as fill. And then I took some shots! I was dressed normally, not meaning to do a shoot, but I really liked the quality of light and wanted to see what I could build.

I changed into a new costume dress that I recently acquired and took the same picture as the test, only this time I was getting into the “Alice” character. I was shooting with only 4 feet of space between the backdrop and the window, so I photographed my head, shoulders, arms, body, legs, etc…in separate shots. In post I put them together, found a background I liked, created a hole in the ground, and chose cloud shots with lighting to match.

It was quite a new process for me as I usually don’t do so much compositing and especially because I don’t use lights! But it was awesomely fun. I don’t know that I’m necessarily set on doing this from now on, but it does encourage me to experiment a little bit more with light…though I think I still prefer my normal style of diffused, soft light. Trying something new will always lead to one of two things: a new way of doing something, or confidence in how you don’t want to do something. Both are equally important!

“He did each thing as if he did nothing else.”

We live in a world built on pressures; the pressure to be successful, the pressure to be happy, the pressure to be someone great. We are taught, not necessarily by our parents but certainly by other influences, that we both need to reach higher yet stay in our place. We are taught to get a stable job and work for the promotion. We are taught to seek someone wonderful to marry so that we may find stability. We are taught that we should have dreams, yet work for the good of the team. And indeed, each of these things can be individually rewarding. Yet the lessons we are taught by those who influence us, especially as we grow, are very often contradictory.

Instead of being taught to dream big and do what we need to do to achieve that dream, we are taught to dream realistically. Instead of being told that we can be great, we are told to try and be great while staying inside the confines of what is socially acceptable. Each of these paradigms is what ultimately holds so many people back from doing what they love or defining happiness for themselves.

Part of the problem is how widespread we are as individuals. We do what we think we need to do to serve others, and in doing so, very often, forget to serve ourselves. We please our parents and we please our friends and we take care of children and we help our boss, yet behind all of that is a sense of self. We are taught that we must please those higher up than ourselves, that we must obey our parents, that we must, must, must. And behind all of those “musts” is what we need to nourish our souls.

“He did each thing as if he did nothing else.” I think this quote is so powerful for two reasons. One is of presence. To be present is to perform each task as if it were the only one; to get rid of distractions and embrace a life in the now. The other reason why I love the words so much is what it implies about the man himself. In order to do each thing at such a level, one must place value on the self so as to see value in doing anything at all.

I do not believe that this quote indicates he did everything better than other people, but instead that he placed value in each thing that he did and was engaged enough to focus his energy into them. So much of our problem today lies in two places: distractions and self-doubt. We doubt ourselves because we are told to, whether directly or unintentionally. Take going to school for art. If you are someone who has done this, it is very likely someone along the way told you how impractical that would be. In my case it was deciding to be a photographer. I had no training and no idea of how to run a business, but my heart was set on it. And as a result opinions came out of the woodwork, and I was told of how practical I needed to be.

“People don’t make money selling art. You need a backup plan.”

These words are commonly spoken and meant to be caring most of the time. Yet at the same time, they inadvertently tell the person to whom they are spoken that they are not good enough, will not succeed, and should not try. With messages like this floating around everywhere, self-doubt is a disease that plagues many, and understandably so.

What if we could channel some of that Charles Dickens magic and create a world for ourselves where we did each thing as if we did nothing else? What if we made decisions that could change our lives, and do change our lives, and we lived them as though nothing else mattered? To be present, to get rid of distractions, to believe you are worthy of pursuing such goals…that is the ultimate in finding your voice and finding a story for your life.

How can we get rid of the doubt and the anxiety and the distractions? Two simple ideas: The first is that few people care about you as much as you care about yourself, and the people who might care more are the people who will try to keep you safe. You need to take risks. You need to do something scary. And those who love us most will often hold us back, in the kindest way possible and for the very best reasons. Yet we need not listen. We must move forward. The second thing to realize is that you are the only one making decisions in your life. If we place the blame on other people for offering their opinions, we are living life in the shadow of someone else. A journey in the shadow of another is a very dark road.

Every single person has an incredible, unique story and vision. That story needs to be told, and that vision expressed, and to do so is to empower others to do the same. Dream big and dream often. Find your voice and share it. Tell the story of your life through your own words. And next time you take a leap and do something important, do it as if you did nothing else. Do it wholly, with confidence and pride, and do it with love…for yourself, as much as others.

**Image by my friend Seth Cashman, who is as kind and true as he is talented.**

Give me a nasty comment online about my photos and I shrug it off. If someone doesn’t like the work I create, it doesn’t hurt me. I don’t spend my time looking into negativity. I don’t spend my days worrying about if people like what I do or not. What does get me, every single time, is how people experience me as a person. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be at my best all the time, and it physically pains me to think that I have given someone less than that.

Everyone deals with disappointment in different ways. It might be disappointment in a product, in someone else, or in yourself. In my case, I have trouble dealing with disappointment in myself. I hold everyone and everything in my life to high standards, but none more than me personally. I don’t deal with disappointment well. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I get physically ill. Sometimes I want to stop everything that I’ve worked for so as to never feel that feeling again.

Just a couple hours ago I said, out loud, that I wanted to quit my job. I didn’t want to move forward with any of the projects I’ve been working on for fear of being judged, rejected, or disappointing someone. Yet even as I thought about quitting, I could hear my future self, the one who wants to push harder and move further, talking rather loudly in my ear. She was telling me that if I never put myself out there I can never be a positive influence in the world. If I never put myself out there I can never do what my heart is set on doing. Yet the other side, like a little devil sitting on my shoulder, told me that I will do too much harm to make it worth it.

I will let people down. I will be a disappointment. I will never be what someone wants me to be.

Yet all the while, I will be myself. I will try to work on my journey and how I see the world and how I interact with it. I will try to be a better person. I will try to touch people’s lives for the better. I will try, and trying is all we can expect of each other.

That is a truth that I know intimately. It is a truth I have come face to face with many times. There are days when I want to quit. Right now, at this very moment, I have that desire deep in my bones. I don’t want to mess up. I don’t want to be a disappointment. Yet even greater than that is the knowledge that when one perseveres, tries harder, and becomes a better person, other people will benefit as well.

I might fail a hundred times, but if I succeed at only one thing, I hope it is to help someone, somewhere, in some way. In any way. To spread the love that I feel inside. And should I fail, I will welcome that failure with open arms. I will regret nothing because I tried my best. I will work to correct my mistakes. I will progress. I will challenge myself. I will try.

Let yourself feel what your body wants to feel. Let yourself be emotional and scared and understand, in those moments, how terrifying it is to put yourself out there. But when that feeling passes, even if only in a small amount, remind yourself of how incredible you are. You are only one small human, and yet in being so, you are powerful beyond measure. Next time you fall, remember that if you never did, you could not understand the immense honor of reaching peaks. All of life is made up of valleys and mountain tops that seem out of reach, yet both are attainable. We will fall and we will rise again, and we will do so understanding more about life each time.