My third shoot of the series consisted of an impossibly heavy bathtub, 50lbs of wax, and an epic 4 hour long scrub afterwards.

When I started conceiving of the series which would turn into “Fourth Wall”, I was enamored with textures. I wanted there to be a great mixture of various textures that would each have a different feel to them. I wanted the viewer to feel as though he or she could reach in to the image and touch different layers. I wanted the walls to feel grungy, the yarn to be fuzzy, the wax to be cracked and smooth. I had so many ideas for textures, but the image that struck me as having the most potential was this one.

I was initially going to shoot this image with a black floor so that the wax would stand out even more. However, after testing it that way, I decided I couldn’t give up the natural texture of the original hardwood floors. Fun fact: I shot the series in a studio, but that studio was actually a room in an abandoned high school that has since been turned into artist studios…in a semi-abandoned ghost town, no less.

I began searching for wax that didn’t use any animal products and finally settled on soy wax, as I read that it is safe to touch skin. The hunt for the bathtub was easy; the practicality of getting it up to my second floor studio was not. I had recently finished hauling 800lbs of sand up the stairs, so not only were my legs and arms sore, I had no faith in my (or my friends) ability to lift this bathtub. I hired a couple of vets to do the lifting and they were amazing. Even those two burly men had the time of their lives trying to maneuver the tub up the stairs. After about an hour the ordeal was done (until it was time to haul it out).

Once the bathtub was in place, the wax was ordered and I had finished my testing to see what the wax would dry like and if it was safe to put on my skin, I asked my friend to come model for the image. In these situations, where you are asking someone to do something completely insane, I feel you must turn to friends first.

Several challenges presented themselves. First, the wax took some time to dry and I had to apply it in layers. Therefore, my model had to sit in the bathtub in the same position for roughly 2 hours as I continuously heated the wax, filled a pitcher, poured it, and waited for it to dry. It was a difficult process, and throughout she was getting hotter and hotter as her body heat was trapped under the warm wax. I rolled a pillow and put it under her back for support, but eventually she had to try and fall asleep to forget about the difficulty of staying still and waiting.

Another challenge was how slippery everything became. The floor was slippery, the tub was slippery, and eventually my hands felt like slick stumps. Many towels were used that day to try and remedy the situation. I put fabric over her eyes to protect her when it came time to “wax” her face. Her hair stuck to the tub when I poured it through her hair.

I remember when we were ready to shoot I finally climbed my ladder and looked down at her and the pattern the wax had created. I was filled with that amazing feeling when something you have planned for looks exactly as you had hoped. The wax was an important tool for me to communicate with. I felt it so perfectly portrayed the feeling of being trapped – stagnant, unmoving, timeless. It only took a few clicks to know it was right, especially since she couldn’t move!

I will never forget that day. We took turns holding fans over her to cool her and the wax down faster. We took turns feeding her to keep her energy up. And when I finished and it was time to get her out of the tub, I will never forget the difficulty of peeling her hair off of the side of the bathtub. When she stood up her hair made a right angle and moved perpendicular to her neck. Her hair was stiff as a board and sticking straight off of her head. I wrapped her in my best Doctor Who robe and we went out to the bathrooms. Can you imagine the sight she was to behold?

After some time scrubbing it was clear that we needed much more than a sink. She spent 4 hours that night in my bathtub trying to get the wax off. With some baking soda and dish detergent the job eventually was won, and I had a picture I was truly elated about.

This has been the most interesting piece to display because of how people feel about it. I have heard many reactions that have been quite negative to it, and I understand that entirely. It is overtly creepy and has a definite sexual nature to it (in many intended ways). But that is what I love about creating. It isn’t for praise but for conversation. Differing opinions. I am grateful that this piece could do that.

I hope you enjoy this new series which is on display and represented by the JoAnne Artman Gallery until February 18th. It is showing in New York City (Chelsea).

Very limited editions. Each print is offered at 42×42 inches with an edition of 2, and 8×8 inches with an edition of 3.

You may contact the gallery for purchase requests. Each print has been proofed, signed, and numbered by me, and comes with a certificate of authenticity.

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Photographed with a Sony a7ii and a 25mm Zeiss lens.

Model: KD Stapleton

Assistance: Kelly McGrady

I tend to be a very decisive person. I make decisions quickly and easily and I commit to them 100%. My closest friends, save for my husband, are just the opposite. It works out quite well, because they let me make decisions that we are all comfortable with. Trust me, there’s give and take. But by having those friends it has made me wonder what separates someone who has full confidence from someone who doesn’t.

I asked 5 friends to tell me if they trust themselves, and 4 of those people said that they trust other people more than themselves. I am that 1 in 5. I trust myself completely. I trust others very little. This might have something to do with confidence.

But in the end, it comes down to this simple notion. I believe that what I want will happen.

Some people see roadblocks as walls that can never be torn down. But I must ask, what in this world is permanent? What walls have we ever come across that we couldn’t get through, over, around, or take down completely? Nothing is permanent, not our successes, not our failures, not our confidence or insecurities. So why do we fiercely hold on to the idea that failure is imminent and success is not achievable?

Simple. It feels better than getting your hopes up and having them dashed.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m delusional. I say this because, no matter how far-fetched of an idea I have, I believe it will come true with such ferocity that I believe it has already happened. It’s just that time is a funny thing and I have yet to see it through.

The journey must come first,
but that doesn’t make the destination any less real.

How can we begin to talk ourselves out of giving up before we begin?

1. Remember that nothing is permanent. We are all in a state of flux and will continue to be until we die. People, places, experiences will come into our lives and leave them. Each of those things will teach us a lesson. Let them. Let them come. And know that if you want something, you must let it come when it will come.
2. Remember that timelines are arbitrary. Just because you feel, based on your comparison to those around you, that you should achieve something by a certain time doesn’t mean that you will. And if you don’t, that doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. Work harder and work longer. Let yourself fail a thousand times if you must before your desired outcome shows itself. The risk is worth it.
3. Believe that what you want has already happened. Decide on something you want to go for. Now visualize yourself in the midst of your success.
4. Believe in magic, but not as a replacement for hard work. Once you know your dream, work backwards from there. Figure out the layers that go into making the dream come true. Think of it like a cake. You see this amazing cake in a store window and you want to make one of your own. You can visualize what it looks like. You can even smell the raspberry filling. But simply envisioning it doesn’t make it real. You have to think about the ingredients that go into that cake – where will you get them, how fresh will they be, what colors will you use, what tools will best serve you? And only then, once your plan is in place, can you begin to build your dream.
5. Few people actually know what they are doing. If I have learned anything as a photographer, writer and speaker, it is that the people who are doing the most amazing things don’t have a roadmap. They have a lot of confidence, a great idea, and the willpower to see it through. Most don’t have a million followers, “industry connections” or a ton of money. Never make the mistake of thinking that you are alone in being lost. We are all lost. It’s just that some people thrive off of it.

Next time you find yourself down and out because you are convinced that you won’t be the next Oprah, settle. Remember to stop anticipating your final discovery. Remember to trust yourself. Believe. Dream. And build the foundation on which you can rise to meet your expectations.

There is a certain song that we sing, sometimes without realizing that our voice escapes our clenched throat, that vibrates through the air, noiseless, until it beats against the place it was meant to find. The lyrics are without words yet speak to a place inside where the voiceless booming of magnetic poetry carves itself in deep. Words are not necessary in this song. It is a pounding mystery. The ocean beating rocks against one another, or the crack of thunder. It carries inside itself a booming melancholy, or a rich light, and when we hear it (for only we can) we know it to be true. Such is the way with certain places. We release a song and hear nothing until it hits hard the place that makes it sing. Such is the way with humans. Such is the way with the soul.

Iceland – June 4th 2015 – 9:00pm

We arrived at the lava rocks with both joy and sadness. It was our last stop for our 5-day adventure together. The friends that I loved would be departing the next day and right then, in those few hours, we would spend our last moments creating art together. I stepped out on the rocks for the first time and bounced. I felt like a child, touching and smelling something for the first time. We rejoiced at so many things that evening – the way the clouds continuously changed, each calling to one another to look in different directions, each of us in awe. We jumped from rock to rock, holding hands, calling out, and laughing. We each strayed off by ourselves for brief moments, taking it all in. And I went with one of my best friends to shoot a private series.

The cold lessened that evening more so than the other days. We felt warm with life and excitement and so creating art nude and exposed felt easier than other times – more comforting. Soon enough we were barefoot, letting the moss tickle in between our toes, and I was glowing with inspiration. When I was photographing my friend, I wondered if the power that we felt would translate in a single image. There are times when I wish I could bring the viewer to the shoot, make them (you) feel the air and touch the ground and let your heart beat to the rhythm of that creativity. But in the moment, knowing there is no way to translate such a feeling, I had to settle for doing the best I could with what I had – a powerful woman nestled in the heart of all hearts, the soft ground covering the dangerous lava rocks in the land of fire and ice.

And so I created five images in a series, making her body look like the landscape. I photographed the first image and asked if I could keep going, changing my angle each time to create a triptych of the same model in nearly the same poses from three different angles. I photographed one pose of her reaching for the camera. At first it spoke to me as someone who needed to be rescued, but the more I looked at her reaching there in that place, I felt she was beckoning to me. Pulling me in and telling me to stay forever in this place where my heart sang more than ever before. Finally at the end of the shoot the inspiration fever had caught on, and Jen asked if she could join the shoot, which I was absolutely delighted about. And so I ended the session with both of them there in that powerful place, a finale to a poetic and emotional day.

Model, Images 1-5: KD Stapleton
Model, Image 5: Jen Brook