From Day 1 of starting the Fourth Wall series, I declared: “I am going to flood the room!”. My friends looked at my like I was nuts. After all, I had just signed a contract for a studio on the second floor. My room was being built inside of another room that wouldn’t allow me to easily move it. And there was no way anyone but me was going to risk getting in massive trouble by pumping hundreds of gallons of water into a second story room.

I kept trying to figure out how we would do it. A long vacuum, I said! Lots of buckets! A huge tarp that would catch the water! A portable swimming pool! But nothing seemed realistic enough to not severely damage the old floors we were standing on.

Finally I came to terms with the situation. I had three options: I scrap the picture entirely, I Photoshop water into the room, or I painstakingly disassemble the room and rebuild it outside in a pool. I went with the latter.

When the day came to create the image I asked some friends to come help. Two of them were hours late, but it turned out to be an easier job than I thought. I had stressed for months about the difficulty of the situation, but with a few good friends we were able to have almost the whole job done before the rest of the crew got there! It took one full day to take the room apart, set up the pool and fill it, and rebuild the room inside of the pool. Thankfully I sweet-talked (that’s how I like to see it) the manager of the studios we rented and he let us set up the pool (15 feet in diameter) in the parking lot near my studio. Even so, we loaded the pieces into a truck and drove it closer, since the wood I used was so heavy.

We even strategically build the pool right next to the dumpsters for easy disposal of the room.

The pool took a lot longer to fill than I anticipated. The morning was spent taking the room down and moving it, while the whole day was spent filling the pool from hoses. Lunch came and went and we all took bets on how much longer the water would take. Just when the light got really good outside (toward the end of day with mountains blocking the direct sun), the water finished and I was ready to shoot.

I knew that I wanted very specific looking props in the water. I chose the yellow chair which I had in my studio the whole time. I got it just to sit on and because it looked neat, but I realized it was perfect for the flooded room I was creating. I went to several thrift/antique stores to find this painting, which had the right colors. Everywhere I went I asked for paintings of a ship, and this was the only one that was the right time period and color palette. Finally I brought an old book to submerge.

I went flipping through the book to find the perfect page and there it was. I sunk the book and took some shots, making sure you could read the book page if you looked closely enough. It reads: “Epidemic of Fear”.

Everything was in place. The only trouble was that I didn’t have my normal setup. I put my ladder in the pool just outside the room but there was no ceiling to attach the camera to. Further, this image was going to take longer to shoot to try and get the water moving in the right way with the subject. My friend started out holding the camera, which I attached to my tripod and had her lean over the walls, holding it up as high as she could. It wasn’t an easy task, since it was heavy on the end of the camera (thank goodness I had switched to a mirrorless camera so at least it was lighter!). Eventually she had to take a break and switch off.

Because of this the image was shot closer than the rest, so I expanded the frame outward slightly. There wasn’t a lot of editing that needed to happen in this image to get it to where I wanted it – mostly color enhancement. I remember the first 15 minutes of shooting the shots were all out of focus. I couldn’t get a good measurement on the distance between camera and subject and the person holding the camera kept moving up and down out of exhaustion from holding the camera. Eventually we got it!

This image was very special to me. I have always been afraid of water and have always had problems with fear of any kind. I even have “Fear is the mind killer” tattooed on my arm to remind me to face my fears. It is a quote from Dune by Frank Herbert. I think that fear is a fascinating topic. The fear of being trapped, of feeling out of control, of being in a space that is invaded by something else entirely. These are all natural fears. This is what many of us try to avoid. The book sank to the bottom of the water after about 10 minutes of shooting. I remember feeling that it was a beautiful sign – the book about fear suddenly lost it’s boyancy. It lost the battle with the water.

As Frank Herbert writes in Dune – “Where the fear has gone there will be nothing, only I will remain.”

I hope you enjoy this new series which is on display and represented by the JoAnne Artman Gallery until February 18th. It is showing in New York City (Chelsea).

Very limited editions. Each print is offered at 42×42 inches with an edition of 2, and 8×8 inches with an edition of 3.

You may contact the gallery for purchase requests. Each print has been proofed, signed, and numbered by me, and comes with a certificate of authenticity.

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Photographed with a Sony a7ii and a 25mm Zeiss lens.

Model: self-portrait

Assistance: Tim Condron, Wakyna Fullington, Kelly McGrady, Matt Force

When I finished editing the image on air, and the cameras went off, everyone in the room let out a big sigh. We all knew it didn’t really work out but we were happy we tried. When I got home from Seattle I decided to start editing it again. I tried twice more and it still wasn’t coming together. That was when I took a slightly different approach.

I started choosing new shots to work with – a higher angle of my subject as well as different house shots from the kiddie pool so that you could see more of the house under the water, thus adding to the believability effect. Those changes made a world of difference for me, fixing some perspective issues as well as changing what was a very static shot.

I have been on a book kick lately, really wanting to experiment with how books (stories, really) can transport you to another reality. Books are old, universally recognized, and provide an amazing symbol for anyone to latch on to. There are many different emotions attached to books, but one thing remains the same. If you read, you take your imagination to a different level. What an amazing metaphor for creating.

I ended up using all of the same techniques to edit this image when I was home as I did during the CreativeLive editing segment for this picture. Some of the featured tools were the Background Eraser Tool, Curves Adjustment Layers, and changing of the Lighting Dynamics. I think something that brought the image together for me in the end was the choice of clouds, and really creating a light source as well as light variation so that some of the image was in darkness and some in light.

Thankfully the light for this image was quite natural, with no extreme highlights or shadows, so changing the light slightly was not a problem. Of course, I can’t say if the image did ever come together or not, but it did satisfy a dream I’ve had. I always know when a picture is finished when I feel it matches what I saw in my imagination…so I want to thank you for watching and for supporting this photo shoot through your encouraging words as well as to CreativeLive for setting this up for me!

10 years ago. I was picking out colleges. I intentionally looked at schools that had private housing so I didn’t have to room with someone.

5 years ago. I was just about to start my business and decided not to deal with clients for fear of puking all over them.

Today. Still feel a little queasy, but doing much better. Let’s talk about why.

Another way that I dealt with anxiety was to begin telling myself that no one cares about me…in the best way possible! It is easy to become self-absorbed and think that everyone is judging us, when in reality, that is rarely the case, especially from strangers (at least in a meaningful way).

I began teaching workshops 4 years ago. About three years ago I was asked to do my first speaking gig. It was at After Dark photo convention. This last year I’ve been to a number of different conferences and schools to give lectures. And next year, my focus will be on motivational speaking for schools and businesses. So the big questions is…WHY!? Why would I do that when I’m scared to death of social situations.

The answer is twofold. One reason is because I wanted to push myself. The other is because I believe everyone has a story to tell. If I didn’t tell mine, I would be quite the hypocrite. And I would also be holding my desire back to teach others.

It isn’t the lectures that scare me, or the stages, or the crowds so much as it is the personal interaction just before the lecture begins. There is an in-between moment when you aren’t quite saying what needs to be said, going through a PowerPoint presentation, but instead you are just YOU, vulnerable and in front of everyone. This is the same feeling I get when talking with people I just met, at a party, or anywhere, really! It is the human connection, and I’m just plain bad at it.

These are the lessons I’ve learned in those 15 minute “in-between” times, after I come out from hiding in a bathroom stall and before I begin giving a lecture:

1. No one cares about you.

I know I’ve talked about this before, but I can’t stress the importance of it enough. In the most inspiring way possible, remember that it is highly unlikely that anyone’s opinion of you will guide your life more than your own.

2. What you look like is half of how someone will judge you…so OWN it!

Be proud of who you are and what you look like. Usually accepting your own style is the best way to get others to do the same.

3. Look the way you want to feel (hair, makeup, clothes).

Think about what clothes make you feel most YOU and wear them! Dress how you want to dress, present yourself how you feel, and you will immediately come off as more confident for it.

4. Get others involved (ask questions!).

One of the best ways to deal with anxiety in a social gathering is to put the pressure on someone else. Ask them questions, but not just any old question. Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. This is very helpful for me when starting conversations with people.

5. Share your life! Even if you don’t think it’s interesting, someone else might.

Everyone has something interesting going on in their life. I try to pick something out that is positive and halfway engaging to share should the occasion arise.

6. Understand your quirks, and werk ’em!

Be who you are, completely, and then don’t be afraid to show that to people. I try to be myself, even when it means saying weird things, running around barefoot, or making stupid jokes.

7. Create a safe space for yourself after you’re finished.

I am the kind of person who needs a space to recharge. I’m very much the introvert, so I always need a place to retreat to after a big social engagement so that I can decompress.

I thought it was appropriate to put a picture from my recent CreativeLive class in this post, since that is one of the biggest ways I have personally overcome anxiety. There is nothing quite like having cameras pointed in your face and talking for 18 hours!

I’ll be posting a blog later in the week about how this image was made.