Major breakthrough time.
Which means major letting go,
coming to terms,
etc.

Lindsay Adler must be my soulmate, because she has this freaky tendency to reach out to me at pivotal moments. I had just finished yoga and was sitting back down to write when I see a text from her. It simply said:

“How are you? Something made me think I should call you or text.”

I responded quickly, flippantly almost, saying that I’m good. And then, before pressing send, I added this:

“Just doing lots of writing and trying not to worry that I’m solidly not doing anything that makes money.”

Casual.

Writing those words opened up a can of worms in my brain. I hadn’t really said that out loud until that point. I knew I was making a big shift in my business/career, I had discussed pay decreases with my husband, but I hadn’t really acknowledged that the fear I feel with my new creative endeavors is rooted in money.

I know, I know. Money is just NOT COOL to talk about when you’re an “artist”.

Whatever.

It’s a fact and a stress and it is necessary. So be it.

Our ideas of success are wrapped up in it. Our confidence is wrapped up in it. Sometimes, even our reputations.

Let me be clear about some things. My business makes money in multifaceted ways, from teaching and motivational speaking to print sales and licensing, and more. I’ve always excelled at diversifying and branding. But, for the first time since starting photography, I mentally ditched that. Even though I still have revenue streams, even though I’m doing fine, I stopped associating with money.

The last time I did this was 9 years ago when I started photography. I was fresh out of college, 21 years old, and just starting photography. I knew I had to make money, but I never considered that photography would be the way to do that. It was fun and exciting and I didn’t put any expectation on that.

Photography grew to be my career, unexpectedly.

And now, 11 years later, and nearly 10 years after starting my business, and 7.5 years since learning to rely on it for money, I’m slowing it down. I’m pursuing writing, and it feels just like before – when I started photography…

…with one main difference. I make a living for myself now. Back then I was fresh out of college and had no house, no income expectations. This time I do. I’ve taught myself, as we do when we become adults, to rely on ourselves to make money. We learn to measure our success in our bank accounts.

I’m not trying to say that I have lost any joy in photography or teaching, or that I personally put my confidence and success in money, but that it is tied together even when we don’t realize it. I’m just ready for change.

I’m overjoyed about dissociating my passion from my income. It means that I’m back to passionate basics. I’m doing something because I HAVE TO. Because my soul is pushing me to do it. Because I feel a calling to write this book.

If I am ever to do it right, I can’t let money be a thought, or success, or reputation.

None of that matters in passion.

What matters is that I put aside my former expectations and learn a new way of living, one that does the deed no matter what. Just like I did with photography, and just like I will do with writing.

One day I will tell the story of how I put all else aside – my fears, insecurities, doubts, and expectation – to write the novel of my dreams. It will be a beautiful story to tell.

So, Lindsay, to answer your question…

I’m doing freaking fantastic. I really am. Thanks to you and your perfectly timed text, I’m finally feeling free.

I started Promoting Passion years ago. It was a way of bringing together two seemingly opposed words: promoting, and passion. What if, I thought, we could learn to share our passion confidently, and in doing so inspire others to be confident in their passion? How could that change the world?

I started a blog.

And then a convention.

And now a tour.

Because education, inspiration, and community should be accessible. Because without a family of creative weirdos, we too often feel alone. Because why the hell not.

Six weeks ago I set out on the Promoting Passion tour. This tour allowed us to come together as a family of 800. With sponsorship from Sony and Sony Alpha Female, I was able to bring accessible education and inspiration around the world.

I visited: London, Seattle, Los Angeles, Dallas, Atlanta, Chicago, New York City, Toronto, Vancouver, and Melbourne. Without Sony believing in the message of Promoting Passion, I could not have made this tour possible, and certainly not at the price point I was able to. They went all in to support us.

I just got home from spending 5 weeks on the road. It was a grueling schedule. Travel – event – travel – event – repeat. I would have broken under the pressure of it if not for my best and most trusted friend, KD. She was there every step of the way to support, encourage, and lift us all up. When the curtains closed, she cleaned every event space, made sure I had food to eat at the end of a 12 hour event day, carried bags and boxes, and truly cared about all of our well-being. If you have one goal in this life, it should be to find a friend that comes close to her. It is rare, and she is precious.

The theme of the tour was legacy. How do you cultivate a legacy with all the noise around us? What steps can we take to roadmap our way to being legends?

I laid it out as best as I could: my own personal path to legacy, and an open invitation for others to join me. It was beautiful. There were so many tears and so many laughs. Thousands of hugs. New friends and old. Paths forged before my eyes. Artists blooming everywhere I looked.

Not all of us get to understand the impact we can have on others in our lifetime. But I witnessed on this tour, without a doubt, that we are all making a dent. That we are all touching someone. That we have the ability to exceed our most narrow limitations and to soar above our potential.

But only – ONLY – if you respond to the call. If you respond to your ability to make change.

Response – ability. Take it or leave it. That is the choice we are all given.

Each group was so different. The energies different, the hugs, the talks, the essence of each tour stop. But one thing remained. We are all artists, and we have something to say. With resilience and pride I watched people find their legacy, watched them say it out loud for the first time, or embody it truly.

My legacy is to inspire creativity in others. Or at least, that’s what it is right now. This tour made me feel like I’m getting closer to that legacy. And it made me want to reach higher, gain more, and give more.

I am so very thankful for everyone who joined me on tour. To everyone who gave me a hug, gave me a knowing look, let me know we are connected, let me know I am not alone in my fears. To everyone – you are my creative family, and with each other we raise the tide for everyone.

I will leave you with a quote that I shared in my lecture on tour, one that I hope you are taking to heart right now, and one that inspires me to keep chasing my legacy:

“If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however, if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that.”
– Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

If you came on tour with me, I’d love to hear your takeaways. And if I didn’t get to see you this time, then next time, it’s for you.

Sending you all my most precious creative energy,
Brooke

The creative process. Is it usually the same for you each time you create, or is it different? Maybe even drastically different? Do you know what to expect or is it a surprise?

I work from routine best, so my shoots usually go to plan, or at least follow very similar steps. Here are most common steps for my shooting process, as you’ll see from start to finish in this in-depth video:

1. Brainstorm
2. Sketch
3. Write
4. Costume/Props
5. Set the camera
6. Test shot
7. Shoot
8. Cull images
9. Edit image
10. Share!

I often wish I was different so that I could embody more of a traditional artist spirit. For example possessing any of the following traits would be kind of great: wanderlust, spontaneity, or fits of inspiration.

Well, that third one does happen sometimes. But in general, I am predictable and even-keeled. That doesn’t mean that I don’t surprise myself, that I am not wildly inspired, or that I don’t enjoy a big adventure. Simply, that I don’t thrive under those conditions all the time. I love to work with a list, an itinerary, and a closely monitored clock.

I actually attribute these characteristics in myself to success. Because of my frighteningly equal split of Type A and Type B personalities, I can focus, understand my tasks, and get work done efficiently. But, because I am naturally creative, I have lofty dreams, big ambitions, and a wild imagination. They work in really good unison and harmony to create steadfast creativity.

Steadfast creativity. What is it?

It is the knowledge that creativity will always be there.

It means not relying on inspiration to strike like lightning.

It’s cultivating what inspires you to draw upon that any time.

I don’t like uncertainty. But I especially don’t like it when it comes to my imagination. I want to know that it is a muscle I have worked so much that it remembers what to do in a pinch.

I think that is why I’ve taken such a step by step approach to photography. It helps me to understand my job, which frees up my mind to focus on more creative tasks. If I’m confused by my process, I can’t focus on my creativity. Plain and simple.

So, that’s my creative process! What is yours? How do you work best?

I was reflecting this week about pivotal points in my life, and each memory brought me back to the same four words: You Can’t Do That.

Those words have been spoken or written to me so many times, it must be fun for people to say.

When I made creepy films about death I was told I shouldn’t; when I made creepy photographs about death, I was told I can’t. But every time I did something that was weird and unfavorable, it brought me to a place of lush goodness. There must be a correlation between them.

Subconsciously, I began to associate things I shouldn’t do with happiness, prosperity. I started to believe that the more I did thing that upset some people, the opposite would also happen. Polarizing art means that people hate it and love it. And it is that love that drives my passion.

We place too much confidence in other people – their opinions, their beliefs, their experiences – and not enough on our own. On what could be. On what we might make happen.

This week I’m taking that back. I’m claiming my passion for my own and my path for myself. I’m walking toward my passion with the confidence that if I can build it, I can live in it. If I can imagine it, I can make it.

My words for this topic are short because they are direct, sincere, and final. It’s simply time we took back what we rightfully own: our dreams.

Share two things with us:
1) What have you done despite being told not to?
2) Do you think you could be more bold in your life?

Read to the end for today’s free giveaway
+ to read my practical tips for an art business!
This is a long one but it sure is juicy!

Folks, I need to admit something to you. I’m not terribly organized.

However, after I started sharing about my work days (on Instagram Stories) and how much I get done, I started getting messages (like, a lot of them) about how I stay organized enough to get all of those tasks crossed off my list. It became too overwhelming to write to each DM I got, so I told everyone I’d make a blog post about it. Here we go!

I say that I’m not organized because in many ways, I’m not. I’m sort of like a confused type A personality. I like things in a specific way, I like to know that my life is in order, but ask me to keep my life in order, and well…I just can’t. Or, rather, I haven’t learned how…YET.

I will be the first to admit that I spend about 20 unnecessary minutes everyday doing something that I should have had organized long ago.

And I work on this, slowly, and not fast enough to make my family believe I’m working on it. I am also highly productive. I always have been and don’t have ambitions to slow down in my productivity. Shifting focus, yes, but not becoming complacent.

All of that to say, the two words – organization and motivation – are not the same thing. They come from different universes and sometimes they commingle. Let’s take a look at some simple practices we can all apply to become more proficient in the art of getting stuff done.

1. 1. PRIORITIES. My decisive nature and enormous passion collide to make it easy for me to choose priorities and let them shine. Be honest with yourself about what you want, how you will get it, and then learn to follow through (yes, I realize that is the whole point of this post – FOLLOW THROUGH – so read on, comrades!). More on this topic in an earlier post.
      
      
   2. Write your to-do list THE DAY BEFORE. This changed the game for me. Productivity increased, I was more goal-focused, and I felt better every time I crossed something off my list.

1. 1. The 30-MINUTE swap. Take a moment to look at your normal day schedule. Can you find 30 minutes of time that you spend doing something that doesn’t serve your goals? It could be TV, Internet, meals that could be prepared more efficiently, naps, etc. Once you’ve located those 30 minutes, swap them out for extreme productivity time. Spend 30 minutes daily that you have actively traded to hunker down on your goals and GIT THEM DONE.My personal kryptonite is the Internet (whose isn’t though, really). In order to combat the time I spend, I put a website blocker on my browser so that I can only spend 15 minutes a day on Facebook. That means I speed up the time I spend working on social media, and when I do open Facebook, it isn’t to chat with friends. I go straight to my business page, I post, I reply to comments, and I get the heck out of there.I use the browser add-on StayFocused.
   2. Figure out YOUR productivity hours. My husband is a night owl. Like, up until 5am coding his heart out. My best hours are from 6am-11am. I know this about myself, so I utilize those hours. Of course, your schedule might require you to be flexible with this, but first, identify YOUR hours. When do you most easily enter a state of flow? When do you feel your best? When are you more productive? And then the opposite – at what hours are you good for nothing (well, that’s a bit harsh – when is your energy low)?Once you know those hours, intend to get your to-do list mostly finished inside of those hours each day. If I didn’t prioritize my goals/time in this way, I wouldn’t be able to get half of the things finished that I do each day.

      My schedule is this:

      05:45 Wake up
      06:00 Emails
      06:30 Social Media
      07:30 Misc Business/Computer tasks
      09:00 Breakfast/Reading
      09:30 Creative Work
      11:00 Reading Break
      11:30 Yoga
      12:00 Lunch/Reading
      12:30 Writing
      03:30 Hiking
      05:30 Dinner
      06:30 Family timeIt may surprise you to see that my work day is generally only 8 hours. When I travel, this schedule and my work hours are out the window. But when I’m home, I’ve got an awesome routine.I work fast, efficiently, with a clear mind and I really get things done. Find your opening and try to take advantage of it!

1. 1. Surround yourself with what UPLIFTS you. Sometimes changing our surroundings takes time. Let me share some of my choices with you for context. I grew up in Pennsylvania, went to college in Philly, moved to Los Angeles…all knowing that I hate cities. I thought there would be opportunity there, that it was necessary…some of this is practical, and some of it is sheep-talk (in other words, listening to what other people said because it seemed easier than forging my own path). I made the choice the move away to a tiny town in the mountains and I’ve never looked back. I left behind what I knew for a place where we knew no one and I LOVE IT. Why did I do it?

      – I know I hate cities, so why stay in one?
      – I wanted to be in a place where no one knew me at all so that there was no expectation.
      – I wanted sunshine. A lot of sunshine. I moved to a very sunny place.
      – I wanted nature all around me. I’ve got mountains, creeks, forests, desert. Everything.
      – I wanted a health conscious place where I could find yummy vegan treats. Check!
      – Mostly, though, I wanted a place that I felt joyous to wake up to every day. And I do. So much.

      I know what at least half of you are thinking. But, I can’t do that, because I have ________ (insert family, job, responsibility, etc.). I get it, I truly do. And some would say I made the selfish choice, moving away from everyone I know and love. But you know what? Selfish choices aren’t always as selfish as they seem.We punish people so harshly for desiring a better life. For creating a better life. It is, I believe, those people who create the life they want to live that set an example for others who believe they could do the same (and especially for those who never considered it). Let the life you create be an example to your family, to your children, to your friends that you can choose the life you want to live.That puts practicality aside, of course. This might not be an option for you right now, or not even in a couple of years, but you can work toward it.And if that isn’t an option right now, let’s talk about smaller pieces of joy you can put into your life. Surround yourself with plants, or art on your walls that you love, or frequent outings to your favorite places.The more joy I feel when I wake up, the more productive I am. Simple as that.

1. 1. TREATS! What kind of productivity list would this be without mentioning treats? I am obsessive about rewarding myself. I seek a pat on the back any chance I get. In fact, my husband likes to say that I pat myself on the back because I don’t count on anyone else to do it for me. Fist bump! How do I reward myself? In three simple ways:

      – The SMALL reward: I cross something off of my to-do list. I equate that to-do list with my worth for the day. That sounds massively wrong, I know. And I don’t mean it in a major way, but listen…I work for myself. I have no boss, no one telling me if I’m doing this right, if I’m doing a good job, etc. So, when I finish a task (whether it was done right or not), that gets tallied into my worth for the day. I wish I could find a better word, but it’s not coming. Suggestions below, please!

      – The MEDIUM reward: FOOD. Let’s face it, I love food. I love it SO, so much. My rewards are usually health based because I try not to eat added sugars or processed foods. But they are still so good! Here are my big food rewards: Avocado toast on THIS BREAD (I make a batch every 2 weeks or so), chocolate nice cream (or a chocolate smoothie – same recipe, more cashew milk), or applesauce.

      – The LARGE reward: TV. Some days I’m just over it. Over productivity, over my routine. So, I plop down on the couch and I watch Merlin or Doctor Who, or some other silly sci-fi show, or even a travel show.

1. 1. NOTHING is better put off until later. In our deepest of hearts, we know this to be true. That is why I don’t procrastinate. That was a lie. I do procrastinate sometimes, but rarely, and I never enjoy myself when I do. I’ve become much better at doing things right when I see they need to be done. From emails every morning to categorizing receipts for taxes, dishes when I finish eating (sidenote: I hate dishwashers) and cleaning when I finish a shoot.

      Make your life a LIFE OF NOW. When you see something amiss, do something about it. I feel good when I do this because I feel proud and productive, and it keeps me physically organized as well as mentally organized. If I know that my possessions and tasks are taken care of, I have more space for creativity.

1. 1. Depression, Anxiety, and downright sadness. This is not a funny point or one that I enjoy pointing out, but I must. I wake up some days and I am not okay. I wake up some days and I feel like my life is a mess, like it’s not worth working for, like everything I do is crap, like no one cares, etc. I’m willing to bet that everyone reading this has had some semblance of those feelings. It is serious and I do not suggest you SOLDIER THROUGH IT. I do NOT suggest that. There are times and places where you must – I just taught a 2-day workshop immediately after getting off a plane from Greece with the flu. Trust me, a large part of me wanted to call it and stay in bed all day, but that was not the time for self-care.
      (It turned out to be a time for losing my voice while piling into a bed with 40 people. And it was awesome…No explanation necessary. If you were there in Maine, you know.)

      Instead, consider some softness toward yourself. When I wake up in those moods, I sometimes try to push through it and get things done. And you know what? I don’t do good work. I just don’t. Listen to your heart, mind and body. When it is upset, tend to it. A day spent caring for yourself is preparation for a much better week ahead.

1. 1. Try the BUDDY SYSTEM. It is much easier, in my opinion, to stay productive when you are held accountable. If you are not a naturally self-starting individual, set up a little team. If you don’t know anyone who fits the role, COMMENT BELOW AND MAKE FRIENDS! Do you have any idea how amazing this community is?! Gosh golly. It seriously is.What I suggest is this: Set a time to meet twice a month on video chat. Talk about these 4 points:

      1. What did you accomplish?
      2. What are you proud of?
      3. What do you think you could have done better?
      4. What are your new goals for the next 2 weeks?I suggest making your group anywhere from 2-5 people so that the calls don’t last too long.

1. 1. Figure out what motivates YOU. I said in the first topic that we would talk about FOLLOW THROUGH. All I can do is tell you what motivates me, what keeps me moving forward. I can also tell you what stops me from moving forward: Fear of wasting money, fear of wasting time, fear of something being difficult. Let me tell you something that on bad days I have a hard time believe, but I know to be true: Time spent getting closer to your dreams and goals is never wasted. Live within your means, yes, but mean to live beyond that. Work for it.I told you about my motivations – finishing a to do list, food, hiking…but those are superficial. What truly motivates me is knowing that I am paving myself a glorious road to my dreams.It boils down to growing your confidence. Anyone, ANYONE..can you hear me…ANYONE can do this. Anyone can decide, at any time in their life, that they are worthy of pursuing goals to get to dreams. ANYONE can change the course of humanity, can make a dent in society, can weave together a better life. Let that ANYONE be YOU. Let yourself sink into your dreams.

The Giveaway!

Well my friends, here we are – the ending. And I want to host another giveaway. This time I’ll be giving away 5 spaces for a group chat. THE BUDDY SYSTEM, hey! Comment below your thoughts on this topic and tell me if you’re interested in being chosen to participate in a Motivation/Accountability Call.

The call will be: 1 hour, 5 participants + me, and we’ll continue the discussion about productivity, business, creativity, and I’ll be there to help each of you move forward with your big goals. 

What motivates you?
What percentage of the time do you feel productive?
When are your most productive hours?

P.S. This is my new desk setup. I had two desks from when I had an assistant and it never really got used. It just sat there gathering dust. So, I made a step toward my dreams and I moved the desk into my bedroom, which is too big and empty, so that I have a designated writing space. It feels so good to make this change, not only symbolically of my continued commitment to my writing craft, but physically.

P.P.S. Here is a list of ways that I organize my business. I hope this is helpful to any other artists out there!

1. I use an Excel spreadsheet in Google Drive to keep track of prints that I create. I add it to the list no matter if I’m keeping it at my house, sending to a gallery, a charity event, or sending to a client. I keep the following information in that spreadsheet: title, size, edition number, paper type, sold or unsold, who has it, and any additional notes I may want to take.
2. I do the same thing for licensed images! Except for licensing, I write the following information: title, type of project (book, album, etc.), who licensed it, exclusivity, price they paid (this varies based on many variables unlike print sales), date/contract length.
3. Yet another Excel spreadsheet! I do my taxes on a monthly basis, exporting my PayPal, credit card and debit card statements. I then record the following on each line: receipt type (physical vs online), type of cost (based on US tax categories), and what specifically that cost was for (photo shoot, print sale, etc.).
4. I keep a filing cabinet for all of my paper statements and contracts.
5. I keep a folder on my computer called “Stock” where I have every type of stock image separated into their own folders, like “birds”, “water”, “textures”, “smoke”, etc.
6. I have contract templates for licensed image contracts, gallery contracts, model contracts, certificates of authenticity, invoices, and more. This means I can always use a pre-written document so I’m not starting from scratch.
7. I use information packets to send to anyone inquiring about prints, events, etc. They are 1-2 page PDF documents that explain my rates, my topics – anything relevant that they might want to know presented in a beautiful way that they can easily reference anytime.
8. Email templates! I get asked a lot of the same questions, and while it pains me not to answer every email with a long heartfelt reply, there are some emails that I can shorthand. A good example is that I get asked for interviews by students a couple of times daily and I couldn’t possibly do them all, so I have a template that I can send that gives them links to previous interviews I’ve done publicly.
9. This one is obvious by now, but I structure my day very carefully! My magical to do lists! I use the “Tasks” feature in Google Mail to make to do lists in my email browser, but I tend to prefer physical lists. I make them as I finish my work day for the follow day. Like I said, GAME CHANGER.
10. I photograph things that are of importance to me. For example, if I’m fortunate enough to be featured in a magazine, I photograph it. Chances are I don’t have space to keep all that content physically, so I keep digital records.
11. I color code my costumes. Sounds silly? Let me convince you. I have about 50 costumes hanging in my garage. We built a rack just for them! I ABHOR hanging them up. I think I might be allergic. However, when I see my dresses hanging in a rainbow looking so fluffy, it makes me feel a little more accomplished. (I color-code my personal wardrobe as well).
12. I charge my camera batteries immediately when I finish a photo shoot so I’m never low on battery power.
13. I use a password scheme. I use the same root word for all of the websites I access for my business and just change the last few letters or numbers based on the website itself. Here is an example (that doesn’t follow my scheme at all, so let’s not try that…): Root word – Waterm3l0n  | Ending – Fac  This would be a great one for Facebook, as the password would be your root word, Waterm3l0n + your ending Fac (the first 3 letters of the website you’re on) = Waterm3l0nFac. Keep your root word, change the last 3 letters per website when you sign up. You can make up your own scheme! You’ll never forget a password again. You’re welcome.

I hope these quick tips help your business!

I am a selfish artist. I have no problem admitting that, as well as the ways in which I am selfish.

1. I create for myself. I am interested in satisfying my curiosity.
2. I create by myself. I like to work alone.
3. I create because I love to test my potential.
4. I create I hope people will like what I contribute to the world.

Up until a certain point, those were my reasons for creating. I started noticing a pattern in how I was working. I was rushing to get an image finished, excited to see the finished product, ignoring the idiosyncratic pieces of the process. I was addicted to sharing.

When that realization hit me, I had to take a step back from what I was doing. I realized just how un-lasting that finished product truly is. It may stand the test of time, or it may be gone with a hard drive crash. It may be remembered in museums or forgotten in a matter of days. Once you finish your art, it is released. It is not yours to control, it is for the public (if, of course, you are sharing your art at all). What remains, despite anything, is the process.

That was when I began thinking about CREATION in a different way from CREATING.
One puts emphasis on the product, the other on the action. 

In no way do I think it is bad to enjoy the product of your efforts. You should.

ART SHOULD BE SELFISH.

But, what about cherishing the in-between? What about the moments, minutes, hours, days, months, years it takes to create your art? As time moves on, even the mundane experiences build up to influence what you create and how you create it.

How often do you find yourself rushing through the creating process to get to the creation? I’ve done it hundreds of times. Hundreds. I’ve rushed through thinking deeply, rushed through creating with care, overlooked editing mistakes, and all so I could congratulate myself for making something. Tangible. Physical. Finished.

What an error in my judgment these years past. What an error in my life.

Over the past nine months I’ve been planning a new photo series. For most of that time I didn’t have a single vision that stuck, not a single sketch made that would lead to something finished. It scared me. I felt like a fraud. I felt like a lair of an artist. I felt like an imposter.

I mean, look at the facts. I am an artist who has created quickly, churning out a lot of work in short periods of time. I became addicted to the pace, to the praise, to the CREATION. It was time to learn how to love CREATING.

So I had a talk with myself. It went something like this:

Brooke (Subconscious): Slow down. Let’s take a while to think through what you need to say as an artist.
Brooke (Conscious): Nope. Let’s make something every single day to prove my worth as an artist.
Brooke (Subconscious): Wouldn’t you rather find your worth by creating meaningful art?
Brooke (Conscious): Nope.

It was somewhere around month 5 of thinking about my new series and coming up empty that I had a breakdown. I felt like such a failure as an artist. I felt I had let myself down.

What I had really done was let myself go.

I let go of the artist I was.
I let go of the expectation I put on myself.
I let go of the expectation I felt from others.

And I opened my mind to the idea that thinking is an art form in itself. That being with my thoughts and letting them play their course is just as valuable, and often more so, than churning out work.

That was when my mindset changed. I no longer wanted a CREATION, I wanted to CREATE. I have never felt more clear in my intent, more centered in my message, more secure in myself as an artist.

Do you create for the product or for the experience?
(This is a really difficult one to admit.)

How do you see yourself as an artist?

I spent the past 10 months thinking about my new series. I created other images in that time, but this new series felt too important to bang out quickly. I knew, from the moment it felt crucial to create something relevant to my life, that it was going to be more important than anything else I had created before. In March 2017 I decided that I must create this new series. In May, I had my first breakthrough as to the specific subject matter of the series. And, for the months following, I felt that I didn’t have a single other good idea.

I had the usual panicked feelings about time (Am I wasting it? Shouldn’t I be more productive?) and about artistry (Am I a good enough artist? Does that matter?). As time pressed on, more and more people asked me where that series was that I teased. They asked what it would look like, what point I was aiming to make, where I would shoot, who would be in it, and the list goes on.

I didn’t have a single answer to a single question. 

By September I started getting worried that this series wasn’t meant to be. I started to think deeply about TIMING, and waiting for the right moment to tell the right story. Was this my time? Or was I rushing something for the sake of productivity?

By November I started to calm down. I came to terms with, perhaps, this not being the right series in this moment. I started to let go of it, just a little. I loosened my grip on the need, the anxious compulsion, to create.

And then everything changed.

It wasn’t until one week ago,
after ten months of trying to visualize and conceptualize this series,
that it finally made sense.

I went on a long hike with my Love, as we do several times a week just to brainstorm, and it felt so clear. I had been so caught up in precise details that I failed to look at the big picture. And then there it was.

Ten months ago I had an idea. I’ve had so many ideas I’ve lost count. Those ideas got turned into pictures, films, sketches, poems, short stories, books. My ideas have been done and redone and cried over and laughed at and loved. Why was this one different? Why did this one take ten months to scrap together? 

And this, my friends, is my greatest lesson in creating this series…which I have not yet even picked up my camera to shoot:

Not every idea is ripe for the
moment you want to create it. 

I feel, strongly, that my waiting to make this series was to make room for new experience, for distance, for growth.

I am a young artist in many respects, without tallied life experiences and heartache, without the type of inspiration that hurts to create from. This year I found a piece of that tortured inspiration, and it took longer than I realized it would to digest. More importantly, I realized the need for distance from our inspiration. I realized the need for deep thinking in art. And I realized how few people do that, myself included.

I grew up in this must-have-it-now culture. I grew up with internet in my house since I was 10 years old. My first screen name was based on the Pound Puppies, because I was a child, and therefore I learned that what I want now, I can have now – a lesson that buoyed me to a fast-paced career and self-centric decision. But, also, a mentality that gave me the undue urgency to create fast, to share fast, and to repeat.

Slow progress in creating art allow for concepts to emerge that might have been overlooked. It allows for more daring and evocative imagery to take shape and hold, without fear or shyness there to stop it. It allows for my own feelings to see them from a distance. And most importantly, it allowed me to grow with my ideas, not just to move ahead of them.

When I return from a two week trip to India and Sri Lanka in February, I will begin creating immediately. Locations are being booked, props being made, models contacted, and I’m ready. I feel certain I am ready.

1. What idea are you brainstorming right now?
2. What is holding you back from creating?

This was a year of extreme breakthrough for me on many levels. Professionally, I learned what I don’t want to do anymore and what I want to do more of. Cosmically (sure, why not), I learned where my position is in this life and how to better ascertain that (spoiler: it’s wherever I desire it to be). Creatively, I finally brought together ideas I’ve had brewing for nearly a year (more on that later). I learned these lessons by committing to one simple directive:

Pursue your PASSION and pursue it WELL.

Think about people who you think are really talented, who attract people to them, who really have that special something. Now imagine that person doing something other than what you know them for. Do you naturally assume they will also be good at that thing? I certainly do. Take Tim Burton, for example. I think he is a mastermind director. I had no idea he was also a sketch artist. And you know what? I think it’s brilliant work. The reason for this is simple: he is not talented because he found the one thing he is good at. He is talented because he has a vision and he is smart enough to apply that to anything he pursues.

The people who I admire are not talented or naturally good at one thing. They bring with them a fire/passion/charisma/drive that permeates the medium they work in. It flows through everything they touch. And that is why they are golden; that is why they themselves are geniuses and not just the work they produce.

This is a concept that I have spent a long time internalizing this year. I desire to be good at something just as anyone does. But, I don’t want to be known for one thing. I don’t want, for example, photography to be the only thing I ever do well. I want every passion I have to shine with the excitement I have for it. I want everything I do to have a piece of my soul in it.

Sort of like creating horcruxes, but not evil.

Let me explain how I’ve tried to embody that idea this year, and what the catalyst for it was.

I spent years trying to write a novel. I managed 80,000 words, and it was really, really hard. I was lost, I was confused, I had no sense of direction or plot, I didn’t know my characters, and it was simply painful to get to the end. I loved trying, but I loved reaching the 79,999th word even more.

“I’m done!” I thought fondly. And so I sent the manuscript off to my friend Ksenia, who promptly got back to me with the following advice:

“I know it took you years to work on this, but this is not a draft of a novel. Not yet. It’s more of a summery with some expanded scenes, something you write BEFORE you write the first draft. So it needs a lot of work before it will become a book.”

Needless to say, I had the stuffing knocked out of me for a minute. Literally, one minute. And then I put the stuffing back in, with extra care around the heart, and my world abruptly changed.

AND THIS IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS.

You make a choice, right there in the moment, right away, in a single instant, to be better.

When I read those words, I felt their truth. I felt the guidance. I felt ready to make them disappear.

I told you earlier that the lesson I learned was to pursue your passion and pursue it well. Up until this point in my life, my guiding force was “pursue your passion”. It wasn’t until this year that I put emphasis on doing it with integrity, with grit, with determination and with hours of hard work.

I received Ksenia’s feedback in mid-May. By June I had a book list to read and I was ready to be a student of writing. I wanted to learn CRAFT before I sacrificed my VISION. And I was not going to be so egotistical as to believe I was above any of it. I became a student in the most serious way.

I used to say I was a reader. The reality was, I just wanted to be a reader. I read about 1-2 books a year – that’s it. In the past 6 months I’ve managed to read 23 books, some fiction and some nonfiction, all teaching me how to be a better writer by studying craft. All of that was in between hosting my yearly convention, recording a 26-hour long Creative Live class, exhibition openings and more…all completely alone while traveling for a solid 3 of those 6 months. I say this because we are all busy. That is not an excuse. You make time for what is truly most important, and you don’t make time for the rest.

I made the time. And it was really hard, and I spent a lot of dinners with a baked potato trying to scrape in another chapter to keep moving forward.

Though let’s be honest, I love baked potatoes.

At some point I went from wanting
to publish a book to wanting to write a book.

I went from wanting a pat on the back for penning a novel to deeply and irrevocably desiring to craft a piece of writing from my imagination. There is a very, very big difference between the two, and it is one that is hard to admit.

My education has become obsession. I returned home from my final trip of the year at the end of November and I’ve spent every day curled by the fire reading, writing, and brainstorming. My Love sits with me for hours a day as we talk about the motivations/desires/traits/conflicts for my characters. We mull over the most whimsical, surreal settings we can think of. And in all of this, I have the most spectacular revelation:

I CAN DO ANYTHING, as long as I do it well.

I can make anything happen to my characters, create any type of setting, give any motivation and write however my imagination tells me to…as long as it is done with integrity and craft. That is the most liberating thing to discover.

And the funny thing is, I discovered that a long time ago. When I took my first picture I had spent the week learning how to craft my imagination. When I uploaded it, I heard from people who connected to it, who understood it, who felt understood by it. I already knew what it was like to stare into the unknown, but to do so with heart and integrity.

I had forgotten.

My friends, this is the most beautiful journey. It doesn’t matter what you ambition is. Pursue your passion, and pursue it well. 

Share two things with me: 1) What are you a student of? 2) What object would you turn into a Horcrux?

Post Script!

Here are my favorite books from this year:

1. MYST by Rand and Robyn Miller, for the world-building. I still think about it on a weekly basis and wish I could exist in those books. (It is a trilogy).
2. SABRIEL by Garth Nix, because it came the closest to my own sense of storytelling and prose. (Also a trilogy).
3. STRUCTURING YOUR NOVEL by KM Weiland, which was the most helpful novel-writing book I read.
4. AMERICAN GODS by Neil Gaiman, which is quite a tome and mixes mythology with the mundane beautifully.
5. HARRY POTTER by JK Rowling, which I had read as a child as well but DANG, that woman can WRITE. Period. (I devoured the whole series).

In a league of its own, however, is THE FIFTH SEASON by N.K. Jemisin. WOW.

The end of the year. A time for celebration, holiday, reflection. The end of the year naturally gives way to the start of a new one, and with that a whole host of expectations. One of the biggest expectations is that we will do more next year, and that we will plan, vigorously, to make that happen. We will write resolutions and renew our thirst for betterment. We will push ourselves harder, move farther, and attain more.

We must see the destructiveness of this.

Especially as artists, as creative people wanting to pursue creative things, this isn’t always the way forward. I’m wary of New Year’s resolutions and lofty blog posts recounting achievements. I’ve written them. I’ve believed in this practice. But this year, everything feels different. And that is 100% due to where I am as an artist.

It is easy to forget that the reason why we create should be the catalyst for forward movement – not the latest trends, not comparison against others, and not simply to do more for the sake of doing more.

I’ve spent much of 2017 creating, but not creating works that were reflective of where my art is going. I created because it was fun, and because I wanted to challenge myself, and because, gosh darn it, that is what makes me happy. My creativity needed an incubation period to digest and understand where I am meant to go. That begins now.

And it doesn’t have a timeline.
It doesn’t have expectation attached to it.
I won’t push my new series forward, it will push me.

That is a very important distinction to make. If you let your expectation of yourself as an artist dictate when/how/why you create, it is unlikely you will create your most meaningful work. And sometimes, that’s okay. I spent years going easy on myself, and letting my expectation guide me. It was valuable time spent. But I’m awakened to a new way of creating, a new way of expecting.

I expect honesty.
I expect rawness.
I expect pain.
I expect joy.
I expect failure.

I do not anticipate success, nor do I search for it.
I do not anticipate accolades, nor do I search for it.

Let’s create a new wave of expectation this year, one that doesn’t look down on yourself for being different, feeling different, or acting on different motivations.

1. If questions of your future come up, answer them with raw honesty.

   Let yourself write down, say out loud, how you want your life to take form without any comparison, without any expectation, without any lies. That is much, much harder to do than we think. Our lives are imbued with the expectations of others and of ourselves. We are taught that our decisions must bring us forward in a way that society thinks is forward, not realizing that someone’s up is another person’s down. Answer your questions with honesty.

2. You are an Artist! Feel your feelings.

   I’m not sure why we label certain feelings as bad and others as good. I’m not sure why we so vehemently celebrate one over the other, when both make up the human experience. Both sides of the emotional coin shape our lives, our outlooks, and our best art. If you aren’t feeling your best, then don’t feel your best. But recognize that emotion, and learn from it. We don’t grow from changing our personalities out of fear, we grow being present with our emotions and learning from them.

3. Recognize life as a timeline, not a single moment.

   It is so easy to get caught up in the NOW, or the feeling that if we don’t achieve our life’s goal right now, we are failures. Time is a gift, and it makes success sweeter. It makes the journey better. It cradles our dreams until we reach them. Not to mention, life is ever-changing. As time moves on, we move on. We grow and change and morph as people. We want different things. We should want different things. Let yourself. Let yourself chase what you want even if it isn’t in line with where you thought you’d end up. That takes ultimate bravery.

And finally…

Let your art move you.

Let yourself create because your passion calls you to act.
Let yourself create because your truth is hidden in your art.
Let yourself create because you must, not because you think you have to.

—–

Our community is better when you share your thoughts.

If you have any motivation-related ideas, please leave them below.

I have always loved photographing bandages because of how timeless they are while being sad and a signifier of pain at the same time. Old and sad are my favorites. I have been using these bandages since I started taking pictures. I had a vision of a group of girls standing in a circle, abandoned, scared to look out from the bandages that have kept them in the dark.

To me, bravery looks like the person who would peer out from behind the mask they wear to show the world who they are, despite what anyone might say about it. It is the one in the group who looks first, not knowing what they will see, and then encourages others to open their eyes. At some point in our lives, we could all use the encouragement to open our eyes when darkness is much more comforting.

I hope that no matter what you are going through you find the courage to look out at your world with your very own unique eyes and cast your gaze upon it’s wonders. You are sure to change the landscape just by being open to seeing it.

P.S. Very soon I’m releasing a brand new PAY WHAT YOU CAN challenge that I’m so excited for. You’ve got a 50 page e-book coming, daily emails, and all the guidance you could need to take on a CONTENT CREATION challenge. WAHOO!