Although the name of this post is a literal representation of what our video shows today (because I’m an early bird and I am constantly early to everything, including the sunrise)…it is also a metaphorical nod at what I really want to dig into.

Working alone.

And I don’t just mean physically. In this new video we take a look at how I work 100% alone when I go out on shoots. That means using myself as a model while thinking about everything a photographer must consider: light quality/direction, background, lens choice, angle, wardrobe, props, pose, exposure settings, etc.

You work alone. I work alone. At some point, we find ourselves utterly alone.

Even if not literally – maybe you work in an office with people or have a loving partner or friends – but eventually, you will find yourself with a dream that only you has, and you won’t know how to achieve it. Your friends will think you’re a little nuts, the internet won’t give you any great answers, and you’re left alone.

That is the darkness I’m talking about. The want-it-so-bad-but-can’t-find-help kind of darkness. What to do? I think I’ve made a game out of working alone, or at least that’s how it feels. I’ve done it for so long and in so many ways.

“We have to continually be jumping off cliffs
and developing our wings on the way down.”
– Kurt Vonnegut

I’ve put together a list of what I’ve learned from being a professional loner.

1. Your mistakes will not break you.

The first time I wrote to galleries I was 22 years old. I put 100 gallery emails, after a ton of research, in the TO line of my email. Not the BCC line…And I hit send. It was a terrible move, the kind that many less optimistic people would give up at after receiving some very harsh emails back, such as I did.

Here’s the point in my telling you this. Nothing really matters. If you mess up trying to walk through one door, the world doesn’t close all other doors. I messed up a lot. I did stupid things like that mass email. I made prints and dented and scratched them. I misprinted. I broke frames in transit. I didn’t insure my pieces and they got damaged. I didn’t know how to talk to galleries. I wrote unprofessional emails. And despite making a TERRIBLE impression on a LOT of people, I still managed a career.

Please, please, I’m begging you: stop believing that one mistake will lead to your downfall. In my experience, the easiest way to fail at your goal is to stop trying because you made a mistake, not because of the mistake itself.

2. No one knows anything.

People look like they know a lot. People want you to think they know a lot. And some people do. About their industry, about their journey, but not about yours.

You know how we’re all adults pretending to be grown up but we’re not really grown up, we’re just pretending? What’s that? You don’t know what I’m talking about, and you really are a grown up and an adult at the same time? Well then, I misjudged you. But for the vast majority of us, we’re guessing. We’re playing this game where we look like adults and so we try to do things that make us adults, but really we’re children inside navigating a giant and scary world.

Don’t count on anyone to guide you. Don’t count on anyone to know your path. Just guess at it, like we do everything else.

Let’s get that straight right from the get-go. Yes, some people have been successful. Maybe even in what you’re looking to do. Yes, some people make a lot of money. Maybe even in what you’re looking to do. But if you try to pursue the same avenue they did, it won’t work. The more creative your endeavor, the more solidly you can expect that to be true.

Let’s take my journey as a fine art photographer. My dream was to exhibit in galleries. I asked around and couldn’t find any consistent advice.

“Make a ton of prints at once and then try to sell those over a few years,” one person told me. “Make prints as they are ordered and don’t waste your money,” another person said. “Number your prints out of 200” versus “number your prints out of 5″…and so on.

And yet, it worked out.

3. Could you please commit to being weird already?!

The most successful people (and I’m using successful not only to mean monetarily, but also through innovation and creativity) are people who did things differently. They thought differently, created differently, and dreamed differently.

You are an artist. You are already different – other, unusual, outside – so you know what it means to think differently. If someone said to you, “Your art is the same as everyone else’s art,” you would take that as an insult. But if someone said, “Your business is the same as everyone else’s business,” you might feel relief that you’re doing it “right”.

Something is broken in how we work. Artists should embrace the unknown in every aspect of what they do.

4. Stop searching the internet. Search your brain instead.

This will sound harsh, but think about it before you judge me:

How often do you reach for the closest search engine when you have a question, be it the never ending wait, what is that actor’s name?! to how do I become a professional artist?!, or some variation thereof?

Classes, workshops, mentors, Google searches, emails to professionals…it never stops.

What if you gave yourself a challenge that for one month you had to make every decision based on really and truly thinking it through with no outside aid, not even running it past a friend, coupled with a little help from your guts – your intuition?

Could you get through a month like that? I don’t think I know many people who are willing to make big decisions, especially about their creativity and business, without looking up something comparable.

I think this is severely hurting our ability to take risks and be confident in ourselves. We are so constantly looking for validation in our choices that it has become part of our habitual process. This needs to stop.

5. Failure to Fail.

I believe that because we are so unwilling to fail at so many things, we have developed an ironic failure to fail. Call it F to F syndrome. It happens when we are so afraid of messing up that we a) do nothing at all, or b) look for an exact roadmap until we start becoming someone else.

The shoe doesn’t fit. Stagnation does not become us. And the only way out is to make time to fail, and recognize that we will also, most likely, find the time to succeed.

I am most proud of my willingness to fail.

I fail at photo shoots about once ever 2 weeks or more. I fail at business attempts a few times a week. I receive rejection emails, I am told no often. I hear silence most of the time when I send an email out into the void.

Sometimes I end up covered in molasses half naked in the woods with no one around to help me and a picture that looks like crap.

You know, normal stuff.

And despite that…

No, because of that…

I feel that I am more successful than I have ever been, and certainly more so than I ever expected.

Listen, a lot goes into success. It isn’t just trying hard and trying often, trusting yourself and making mistakes. It is about producing great work. It is about developing a great work ethic. It is about learning and education – yes, take those workshops, put in those hours. But don’t let it be a crutch. Be great in your own right, not in someone else’s.

Today for White Wall Wednesday I celebrate this unique, personal, fulfilling and difficult journey we are all on. Today is another day. A day to say:

Screw this, I’m making choices for myself and by myself.
My failures will not end me and my successes will buoy me.

How will you proudly push
forward in your own darkness?

Leave a comment.

Hands up if you’ve tried alternative process before!

I always thought I had no talent for things like working with my hands. I think a lot of us grow into that perception of ourselves; that we can’t draw and we can’t paint if we didn’t grow up with natural talent. I was nervous about trying something physical. Lately I’ve felt so silly for all the things I’ve been nervous for. Part of what has helped me start trying was becoming okay with being bad or untalented.

Whatever the reason, I stayed away from alternative processes…until this week. I should note I do NOT know any official processes, so you won’t learn anything official, but then again…who makes up those rules, anyway?

I had such a blast. I spent a grand total of about 1.5 hrs working on this, from start to the end of editing it in Photoshop. This exercise doesn’t have to take a long time and it can still be really satisfying.

One unexpected takeaway was a new technique! I learned that if you coat an image in agave syrup, it transforms it to look like an oil painting – score! That’s a great tip for me to know since I create painterly images.

And I re-learned a lesson I’ve learned a hundred times: NOTHING MATTERS. I can make whatever I want and it doesn’t matter! I can throw it away, never show anyone, let it sit in my closet…and it doesn’t matter. At work, it’s an experiment. At best, I define a new piece of myself. I felt that trying Alt Pro did that for me; I was able to identify a new technique that is very much in alignment with what I want to do, and I did so while having a ton of fun.

Try some alternative processes this week! Print an image (it doesn’t have to be printed well!) and see what you can do with it! Use scissors, glue, wax, chemicals..whatever you want. Look up traditional methods or do what I did and wing it. Experiment. Play. PLAY.

And share what you make with the hashtag #WhiteWallWednesday.

Scroll for information about today’s giveaway, to watch the video, and read my thoughts.

I took a self-portrait class.

Even though I’ve created over 800 self-portraits,
even though I’ve taught self-portrait classes before…

I went. And I was a student.

Going to this class, taught by the gorgeous person Meghan Davidson, opened up two ways of thinking for me.

The first was one that I had to understand before I went. I’m a natural facilitator. I love teaching, love guiding people. When I went to this class – the first workshop I’ve ever properly taken – I had to put that aside. I wasn’t the one leading, and that is a role I’m not comfortable in.

Instead of walking into the classroom with a leader mindset, I embodied a student mindset. I decided to be curious, to keep an open mind, and to create something I never would otherwise. Watch the video to see what I ended up making (and more!):

This post comes in lieu of those two things: being a beginner + giving gifts.

I challenge you to create like you don’t know what you’re doing.

Even if you’re a professional,
even if you have been creating for 20 years,
even if you think you know your style,
even if you know your craft.

Especially if.

Go back to basics. Do something that scares you, that challenges you. Do something simple. Don’t feel the need to PRODUCE.

That is where this image came from. For me, it was a relatively simple image. I shot it close up, which I normally shy away from, and I didn’t rely on heavy-handed editing.

I covered my body in paint, used a little butterfly I’ve had for 6+ years, and I had fun. Simple, I-don’t-have-to-produce-anything-good FUN.

I tried new techniques in Photoshop, I tried new colors, and I didn’t hold myself to what I already know.

I began again, even though I had already begun creating self-portraits 9 years ago.

What would you do differently if you could begin again?

Scroll for GIVEAWAY!

This week I’ve been given many things, some emotional, some good for the soul, and some were just downright awesome products. I came home from a week away to find a new 3 Legged Thing tripod (this one, specifically) waiting for me as well as a new Microsoft Surface Studio home computer. I mean…

:O

So, I’m passing it on. I really, really needed a new computer (mine was mid-combustion) and I was about to spend money on it. Now that I don’t have to, I’m giving away $150. Because I know this: Someone really needs it. 

If you’d like to enter the giveaway, leave me a comment. Tell me either: a bit about yourself or about a friend who you think could use this kind of a gift. 

And if you have the ability, pay it forward today.

People often ask me how long I’ve been an artist. My standard answer is to say “7 years”, since that was how long ago I picked up my camera. Before that I was creating films in college. Before that I was writing short stories in high school. Before that I was writing poetry in middle school. On and on it goes.

The truth is that how we create is not what makes us artists. Being an artist is about the journey we take to express our personal truth. That journey meanders. It is not a predictable path, nor should it be. It is too easy to wax philosophical about the unknown, winding future and the beauty it holds. The truth is that most of us are scared of that path. We think it will be an adventure until we start down it, and out of fear we quit and find the easier way.

Being an artist is about doing what you know you should do despite the fear. Being an artist is not about being fearless but instead about being brave. Being an artist is about listening to yourself, even when you don’t see yourself clearly. It is recognizing that even a blurred vision of yourself is better than someone else’s version of yourself. It is creating despite not knowing how; it is finding your story when you think everyone else is more interesting.

An artist’s palette will ebb and it will flow. It will become grand and it will diminish. It will carry the weight of the artist’s soul and it will wash it back out to sea to be claimed by another sunset. That is the beauty of the artist’s adventure. So many people set sail for a destination, while others of us simply go. We let the emotion of the experience translate into an indescribable yet brilliantly articulate masterpiece. This is what we call our muse. This is what we call our genius. This is what we call ourselves.

The etymology of the word “art” goes back to mean “human workmanship”. I identify with this root insofar as most of the artists I know embody what it means to dedicate oneself to a craft. To do the work of what it means to be human – is this not the most pure form of art? To question what it means to be alive. To give yourself the most visceral human experiences. To work for a more meaningful life.

Our images, words, paintings – our greatest creations and even our lesser ones – flow from an intimate place. My images are so rarely related to my current situation, but when they are, they come from a place of understanding. When my emotion clicks with logic I am able to create with honesty like never before. This image is just such a time for me, when my world has been shaken, where I have been searching, and here it has come together perfectly.

For perhaps the first time in my art I have looked at a piece I created, which was done on a whim with the very last of the light outside my bedroom window, and I said “this is me”. Catharsis. Release. Understanding. I relish leaving myself behind. I fall in love with the possibility of who I will be. In this image I see so much of me. I see my insecurities and my doubts. I see my strength and my soul. I see my artist’s sensibilities coming out in their creepy way that defines me so deeply.

For three weeks I’ve had this image pulled up on my computer and my phone, looking at it many times every day, wondering why, out of all my images, I am so drawn to this particular one. The photographer in me wondered if it was the light, or the compositing, or the colors. The storyteller in me wondered if it was the use of symbolism or the character I had created. But the real me, the one that combines each of those people and so many more, knew the truth. I saw myself, pure as day, sitting right in front of me, raw and exposed in a way I had never witnessed before.

To see yourself clearly. To let yourself be known. This is my definition of Artist.

What piece of art have you created
that represents who you are or want to be?

“Catharsis”, June 2016, self-portrait
To purchase a print please contact the gallery nearest you.

I’m going to be honest: sometimes I just need to hear something nice. The desktop background on my computer alternates between sweet and inspiring Winnie the Pooh quotes, and I have a little booklet on my desk of motivational sayings that keep my spirits lifted. I surround myself with people who lift me up, both on the internet and in person. I am a junkie for happiness. I take all that I can get, and I try to give it back in the same amount, though I often fail, I fear.

This week I was thinking a lot about inspiration, and how when I am happier in my life, I am happier with my art. I create much easier and with more control when I can internalize joy, and so I jotted down a few quotes that have helped me with centering myself and feeling good.

1. Include others in your quest for greatness.

Amazing deeds most often include other people. When you are thinking up your next great business idea or day out with friends, consider how your actions could positively effect someone else. The more you help others, the more you help yourself. I don’t know if I would have believed that if I hadn’t been living it for the last couple of years. The more I give to others, the better I feel inside.

2. You are never too good for anything.

Time for a humble pill. We may do great things. We may make great achievements. We may have cause to celebrate our lives. But never, does that ever, give us the excuse to feel as though we are better than someone else. The more we see each other as equals, the sooner we can get off our horses and play nice. Someone told me once that I need to say no to more people, and that was a very true statement. But the reason for saying no to someone should not be because the thing you’re saying no to is beneath you. All opportunities are just that – an opportunity to get out of it what you want.

3. If you want change, create it.

Rarely are we trapped in life. More often than not, despite our bad situations or good ones, we are not locked into the life we are currently leading. We have infinite power to make decisions and cultivate change. Start with something small that annoys you and work up to bigger decisions that can truly change the course of your life. Every time I make a big decision, I do so mindfully, thoughtfully, and with great excitement for what is to come…because when you enact change of your own free will, whatever comes next is of your own doing.

4. Stop forcing yourself into pants that don’t fit.

Everyone knows when someone is wearing pants that are a size too small. And in much the same way, when something in your life doesn’t fit properly, it is probably very obvious to those around you, and even more so to yourself. Don’t mistake the life you fell into for the life you should be living. Transform into a life that befits your dreams.

5. Find balance between making yourself happy and making others happy.

It is rare to find someone who sits in a happy medium between giver and receiver. Often we give too much of ourselves or take too much from other people. Finding that balance creates more goodness in the world, and cultivates healthier people, too!

6. Do the things that other people say are crazy or impossible.

If you are doing something that someone says can’t be done, you are well on your way to expanding the way that people think. Failing at doing something crazy is just another story in the bucket of amazing and fun things you tried to do. Succeeding at doing something crazy makes that thing less crazy and helps other people on their journey to fulfilling their dreams.

What are your favorite nuggets of inspiration?
Share them below!

The STORY

A year ago I traveled to France to shoot in the most spectacular location I had ever seen. I got there, concepts planned, props in hand, and I shot all day long, for hours and hours straight. I took the images home, proud of what I had done, and yet I had no desire to edit them. The longer I waited the more I came to terms with the fact that I would never edit them. They had lost their magic. They weren’t as special as I thought they were. They were complicated and the lighting wasn’t right, and I felt really down about it. I could have edited them and I could have created something from what I had, but I knew that I was going to go back, and so I didn’t touch them.

A couple of months ago I did have the chance to go back. I went in with an idea but didn’t put too much pressure on myself to do what I had sketched out. Instead, I helped other people shoot throughout the day and contented myself with enjoying the moments I shared with my friends. At some point in the day someone found a dead bird. I went to the attic where the bird was resting and I sat with it for a long while. I pleaded with someone to let the bird stay where it was for a time. The truth was that I wasn’t finished with it. I have a very deep and sincere connection to animals and death, two things one wouldn’t normally pair together, and I am inspired by separately. But put together, I become overwhelmed with emotion – and inspiration.

I find beauty in death, light in darkness, and inspiration in the macabre. This is how it has always been. I embrace it. It makes me who I am. And so I found beauty and inspiration in that tiny bird and what it meant to me, in my life, at that time. To me, inspiration is how we most authentically manifest our truest self. It is why we create. I took that little bird with me throughout the day, carrying him as I looked for locations to create self-portraits, while coming up with a narrative for him, and for myself.

I challenged myself that day. I went into the chateau with ideas in mind that were safe and easy and would guarantee results from the shoot. But when it came time to shoot, I didn’t do what was safe or easy for me. I did several things that I almost never do, as a rule for myself. I shot directly at light sources. I shot in harsh light. I didn’t overcomplicate the work with a lot of Photoshop or heavy editing. I kept it simple, posed how I felt, and embraced the emotion of the day. It felt right. It felt respectful, in a way, for my little co-character. It was all perfect, no worries and massive inspiration. At the end of the day my friend asked if I had anything solid to take away from my shoot. I said I had no idea, and I didn’t…and I didn’t care. It felt wonderful to do what makes my heart soar, to try something new, and to connect with my deepest inspiration.

The TECHNIQUE

While shooting each of these images, I exposed for my skin tone. Because I was so often shooting at a light source, that meant that windows were blown out and the surroundings were bright in order to see detail in my skin and dress. I shot each image underexposed as well, so that everything but the light source fell into darkness. While putting the images together, I used a manual HDR type of stitching process, matching up the darkened window with the nicely exposed images and combining them.

In Photoshop, I spent a lot of time refining the light. In each image, I identified the light source, chose how soft I wanted the light to be and began to create softer light coming from those sources by adjusting my curves layer like this:

I added vignettes to each of the images to make the light stand our more.

I spent a good deal of time selectively changing colors. For example, in the image with the red floor, I had to selectively enhance the color of the floor. It was naturally orange/pink, so I made it a more uniform color and enhanced the darkness and saturation of the red tones. In others I selected the dress to change or enhance the color, and in others still I selected walls/doors to change colors.

To finish each image I softened them to give a more painterly look, since the light spoke to me as being like something from a classic painting.

The CONCEPT

When I found the bird, I wanted to create a small series that would honor his life while also speaking about the fragility of life and how heavy death can feel. The first image I created was the one where I’m standing next to the large feather. In it, I wanted to show how small we can feel around death, and how looming it can be. In a way, we shield ourselves from death so that we can experience life, but it is only when we accept our imminent demise that we can appreciate the impact our life can have.

The second image I created was the one laying down with the bird on the floor. I really pushed myself with this one and the lighting, but I felt it was important because that particular lighting spoke to me about fragility. It seemed so perfect, with the way it raked across the subject and bird, highlighting the shape and form of the lifeless pair. I wanted to pose like the bird, solemn and asleep, eternally or not, to embody the beauty in death.

The third image I went about creating was the white feather on my back. I posed in that space first sitting up and realized quickly that the light would not allow for such a pose, with it being so directional and harsh. That was when I decided to take a concept I had planned for a different room and try it out here. To show the weight of death (and life) was something that was important to me. Death weighs heavy on us all, whether it is thinking of our own or dealing with that of a loved one. All of these images speak to both instances.

The fourth image was taken in the room with the red floor and black dress. I wanted to dress in mourning, yet also like a blackbird – ominous and strong at the same time. Foreshadowing death perhaps, or mourning someone’s life, was what I was thinking of when creating this image. When I started editing I was thrilled with how stark of a contrast it presented in color and light, and I thought that appropriate in such a dark image.

The fifth picture was the one on the bed, looking up at the feather. To me, death feels like a dream – it is something we consider but cannot imagine, something we dream of but cannot feel, and something that is, often, better not to think on. I personally struggle with many dreams of death and darkness, and this felt an appropriate connection for me, visually, to the theme at hand.

The sixth picture was meaningful to me because of a memory I have. When my grandmother died I remember lying on a set of stairs, I couldn’t even say where now, and looking backward out the window, feeling the light on my face, and wondering if it was my grandmother touching my face. I saw these stairs and the light shining down and wanted to create an image in that fashion, looking toward the light with the little bird in my hands, as if offering him up to the light. All of these images deal with light and darkness in a literal and metaphoric way.

I hope that you can find something in one of the images that speaks to you.

She is filled with heaviness
like rain water sitting on a window sill,
cracked wood, fogged glass, unseen.

She is filled with heaviness
like autumn leaves under a long winter snow,
waiting for the melt to breathe again.

She is filled with heaviness
like a small dead bird filled with worms,
under the weight of a feather.

Share with me a series you’ve done, or a theme you are connected to.
Remember to never apologize for what makes you unique.
It is, indeed, what makes you so wonderful.

A little while ago I found a big black feather and took it home with me, hoping to use it for a photo. I promptly forgot about it until it suddenly appeared in my car, and I decided to put it to use. I love the way that the human form can be so evocative, expressing emotion much the same way as our faces. Contorting a certain way, lighting a certain way, and through editing we are able to create atmosphere with almost no help from outside elements. In this case I wore an ace bandage and made sure the lighting was more severe than I normally utilize.

I chose to pose against a wall that had only one light source: a window coming from the left. After that, it became simple to find a pose that felt right, and the shoot was over quickly.

How often do you use a white wall or blank canvas to create your art? Share it if you’ve shot it!

I used to feel inferior if I couldn’t create an image every single day. Then I started looking at other photographer’s careers and realized that many artists limit how often they create. They don’t share a lot. They keep it under wraps. I started to feel inferior for putting out too much work. I started to feel like I had no concept of how this industry works. And that, right there, was my flaw. Somewhere along the lines I started thinking in terms of an “industry” instead of a “hobby”. I started to question what others were doing instead of living my life by my own rules. I had to distance myself, and so I have. I create when I want to create. I create because I want to create. And part of that creation process, for me, is sharing. And so I share when I want to share. Because your opinions add value to the work.

This year I have created 17 images. Is that a lot? A year ago I would have told myself to slow down. Is that only a little? Four years ago I would have been upset with myself for not creating faster. Now? I just don’t care. I love what I do. I love creating. And I won’t create based on anyone else’s standards.

I love giving myself regular check-ins, to make sure that I am making the healthiest choices for me and not for anyone else. I like to knock on my own door and ask how I’m doing. Because if not me, who? Now that we are almost into April, we have hit the quarter mark of 2015. So often people say that time moves too fast, but to me, it moves at just the right pace. I always feel like whatever time it is, it is the right time. And so, with it being March, I feel quite ready for a check-in.

These are some questions I ask myself:

1. How do you feel about the work you have produced this year? Quantity? Quality? Overall aesthetic?

2. Are you happy with how much time you have dedicated to yourself? Do you need to make more time for your passion?

3. Are you unhappy with decisions you have made this year? What specifically? How can you change course?

4. How can you take a more active role in pursuing your dreams? Look back at your New Year Resolutions and move one forward. What specific steps can you take?

5. Do you feel you have a good support system in place? Sometimes friends come and go. Make sure you are loved. Don’t have a community? Start one! Join a group. Create a group. Host a meet-up. Join a competition. Message someone you admire.

Top Tips & Exercises

A. Create a creation routine in which you set aside a certain amount of time each week to create. Next, create a routine for how you create so you can get more accomplished. For me personally, if I am stuck in a rut and simply want to break free, I begin with an inspiration exercise: 10 minutes of brainstorming. Next, I spend 10 minutes sketching and writing a description of a potential image. After that, I shoot, which will take roughly 20 minutes. And finally, I begin the edit. All of this can last 1 hour, and there is no pressure to finish. But once you’ve invested time into a creative project and you’ve gone through specific steps, you are more likely to come back to it and actually finish.

It doesn’t matter what your routine is, just as long as you have one in place. Knowing how you work best and then cultivating those circumstances is going to help tremendously in your personal progression.

B.  Have a night of fear & fun. Pick one night out of the week to do something that scares you, but could also be fun. A certain photo shoot, a social gathering, or something as simple as writing an email to someone you don’t know. Take a risk, set time aside for yourself to properly do that thing, and reward yourself once you have. Make it as fun as possible. Bring a friend to make a little party out of it. Challenge others to do the same. Define what scares you, and figure out a way to playfully address that fear.

 C. Reach out to someone in your community. I invite all of you to join my new Facebook group which is an extension of this blog. I will be posting weekly challenges, both personal and artistic, that anyone can participate in. Reach out to someone in the group. Tell them how much you admire them, or simply get to know someone on a deeper level. We are all looking for companionship from others who understand our struggles and triumphs.

I would love to hear your answers to the questions, any tips/exercises you may have to keep on the right track, or even your favorite/least favorite images from this year so far!

I hope you’ll join the Facebook group so we can grow this community further!

Most people go through this change in time. For most people childhood moves rather slowly because we are unaware of life’s duties and the inevitable passing of time. We are largely unaware of death and the things we want to accomplish before then. So we are blissfully ignorant of time at all, and thus, it moves slowly.

Depending on who you are, you might think about time frequently. Maybe you’re at work and have a deadline and comment on how you wish you had longer. Maybe you are savoring a good moment and wish it could last forever. Or maybe you are growing older and thinking of when you had more time. No matter what the circumstance, we all think about time at some point in our lives, and usually it is a constant companion.

But the reason I write about this is because of my shift in how I perceive time. I used to worry about it. I used to think it moved so quickly. But now things have changed. Just the other day my husband asked me if I felt time moved too quickly, and without hesitation I said “no”. Because, without realizing it, I changed my perspective on time. I stopped wondering where it had gone and instead started to embrace where it was now, for however long it chooses to stay.

I started thinking about what changed in my life over the last few years. People always say that as you get older time moves faster – an old saying to be sure, but one that is very often true. The older we get, the faster time seems to move. If this is true, then I must be nearing the edge of a black hole, because time is doing just the opposite.

What changed for me is my attitude toward life. I used to see it as a race. I used to want to be better (than who, I can’t exactly say), and achieve more, and be rewarded for these things. I saw others doing more and wanted to hustle to be like them. I saw greatness swirling around me and wanted a piece for myself. I tried really hard to get to the top. I valued that which now I see as a plague.

What changed is how I react to situations, as well as how I create them and how I leave them. Instead of working to be better, I work to be complete. Instead of creating situations that are full of stress I create situations that are full of peace. And when one chapter closes, I do not think of all I could have done but instead all that I did do, and I feel fulfilled.

1. Set goals for yourself, but do not set strict time limits.

I am all for setting goals, and I am even all for giving yourself a timely goal to complete your task. What I am not all about is what I call the Pass/Fail grading system. If you set a goal for yourself, and a date to complete that goal, it is not healthy to judge yourself solely based on how well you met that arbitrary date. Should your plan not come together fully by that time, do not give yourself a failing grade. Do not look down at yourself. Keep going, and realize that your dream is worth it.

2. When something goes wrong, teach yourself how to see the good in it.

Failures are for crazy people…meaning you have to be crazy to buy into them. Forget about failures. Stop seeing life as failure and success. Instead see it as an in-between, no matter how wonderfully or how terribly something goes. If it goes wrong, seek out those things you did well in the effort. If it goes well, seek to better yourself by identifying weaknesses. Life is almost never about a failure or a success. It is about your journey to get there and how much you have grown once you’re on the other side.

3. Keep a list.

When looking back at our life, it is easy to identify different chapters. Childhood. College. Marriage. Parenthood. Career. Self-discovery. Etc.

This is how people think. We split our lives up into these smaller pockets so that we can keep track of what has happened to us. Let’s play into that a little bit. As you enter each new experience, write down words to describe how you felt about it. I am not good at journaling my experiences. I get bored with it. But if you can remember to, every so often, write down simple words that indicate what you’ve learned from a specific situation then you are more likely to savor those lessons and keep them closer.

Here are some good examples from my life. I used to be far too interested in the worry that surrounds the internet: is so-and-so copying my work? Did I get a negative comment? Will people like me? From these naturally occurring questions I began to develop answers for myself, though not in direct relation to the questions. I learned humility, in understanding that the world does not revolve around any one person. I learned optimism, in realizing it is far more fulfilling to trust and love than to distrust and hate. I learned confidence, in understanding that I must love myself before anyone else will take that chance.

Learn from your circumstance, and remember those lessons. Keep them close, and let them govern your life. The more lessons you gather, the more life seems to slow down and taste a little bit sweeter.

4. Ditch the media.

My phone is a phone most of the time. It doesn’t update me on emails, and I frequently have it turned to airplane mode. I don’t bring my camera and laptop most places I go if I can help it. I turn my computer off when I’m not using it so it isn’t as easy to access on a whim. I’ve implemented a new system of coming up with creative ideas: instead of logging them in my phone, I write them on notepads strategically placed around my house, in my car, and in my purse.

The obsession that is wanting everything immediately largely stems from media. If we can take it down a notch and do things the old-fashioned way from time to time, we begin to savor the moments we spend doing those things a little bit more. Instead of driving, walk. Instead of emailing, write a letter. Instead of starting your day with the computer, watch the sunrise. Let nature take over. Appreciate the immediacy of life.

5. Start a gratitude club.

Start a tradition for yourself where you share what you are grateful for. Maybe it is at the dinner table, or you start a dinner club once a week for your friends to talk about gratitude. Maybe you start a blog, or use it as a space to talk about gratitude. Maybe you write it down for yourself.

At the end of every week (I choose Fridays) I talk with my husband about what I was grateful for during the previous week. This allows me to focus on the good, learn from the bad, and understand more clearly what is good about my life. If I am having trouble coming up with enough points, I search for my failures. There is more goodness in failures than in successes.

6. Find meaning in everything.

Search. SEARCH. It is what keeps us questioning and wondering and alive. Search for meaning in all things big and small. Do not wait for momentous occasions for your life to seem full and important. Create them for yourself. Run through the forest and pretend you are the wind. Notice someone’s smile on a bus and smile back, and feel the humanity in that. Cry when you want to cry and laugh when you want to laugh and enjoy the power in that. From the most mundane, everyday objects to the most important, life-changing travels, everything contains equal potential to astound us.

7. Find your innocence and curiosity.

Childhood goes by so slowly because we are discovering. When I was very young I had a dream that I flew, but I believe it really happened. So instead of telling me that it was all a dream, my mom told me that everyone flies once in their life, and that was my turn. What grew in me was a sense of huge imagination. I believed her. I believed in my ability to do whatever I wanted. I believed I was special. When we are children we believe these things so easily. We see our potential without recognizing it as such, and we believe we are worth trying for.

Get that feeling back. Believe in things you would usually discount. Learn to deny nothing and find the possibility in all things. Create your own possibilities, and believe you are worth it.

Don’t let this new year come and go. Spend time in the middle of it. Enjoy each moment of it.

Be present.

Be curious.

See everything.

—

Photograph taken during my stay in Hana (Maui) Hawaii in October with model Marsha Denlinger.

I shot this on top of a rock and wasn’t very concerned with the background as I knew I wanted to create a separation of sky and fabric. It went very quickly, taking about 15 minutes from the time I parked to when I cleaned up, and I was feeling really good about the images.

When I got them into Photoshop that night, pieces started coming together. I went through a process to create a more painterly effect, and when I was finished…I didn’t like it at all. I felt like my vision wasn’t coming together despite the fact that I did everything I had planned.

“The best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry…”

And such is life. You have a plan, you execute that plan exactly, and then you wait to reap the rewards. But sometimes they don’t come, and that’s okay. That is not failure but instead an opportunity to do more, to do better, to create something more fulfilling for yourself.

I slept on the image and decided to take a fresh look the next day. And when I did, it all made sense. I had to alter my vision slightly, but only a nudge from where it had been. I added just a couple of details and it started to come together. My imagination was feeling very happy.

And that was when I decided to just let go and have fun. I created 5 new layers of the same image in Photoshop, and then changed the colors drastically on each layer. Slowly I peeled back the colors to see which I liked best, and landed on red. It was the opposite of what I had envisioned. I specifically bought a certain color parasol and fabric just so that I could execute this calming concept, to create an ocean-like effect.

Yet when the red popped up, it instantly felt more painterly, as if it flowed more naturally. I felt I understood the character better, because even if you are the creator of a character that person can still change and grow if you allow it. And when I settled on the red, and let the red become the new image, it felt finished.

Allow your life to lead you where it will. Have goals and desires and wishes, yet know when to trust your instincts. If something isn’t working, ask yourself why. If you don’t know why, come back to it later. And if you never come back to it, be confident you will move on to bigger ideas that let your heart pulse.

Everything is a process.

Enjoy it.

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