Every single day I sit down to write. And every single day I tell myself I am writing. The truth is, I rarely write. I write notes. I write ideas. But I don’t write full sentences, paragraphs, chapters, stories. Every day I study. I watch videos. I read blogs. I research plotting charts and how to develop characters. I learn.

I am a student of writing and therefore I write notes.

And every day I ask myself: When will I  be ready?

When will I feel secure enough in my craft to begin writing a novel? When will I know enough to move forward with my art?

You have asked yourself that same question. I know it to be true because we care about our art.

We care so much that we study and learn and absorb any information that will let us be better at what we love. But to what end? To be the best? To create a masterpiece?

I know, rationally, that if we are curious souls our best art is yet to come. I know that we learn by doing.

So, how do I know? How do I know when I’m ready?

You don’t.

There is no way to know.

And in not knowing, we have two choices. We can delay action indefinitely, which is too likely to mean forever, or we can dive in and make bad art.

That is, until we make good art. We try and fail until suddenly we don’t fail. But that success does come with a price, and the price is failure.

Logically, we know this.

But internally, emotionally, it is so hard to accept.

I spend my time and energy every day learning how to write. This has been beyond belief – total immersion student.

At some point, though, knowing that there is more to learn, knowing that we don’t know everything – we surrender.

We surrender to being less than we know we could be, because our ability to raise the bar is unparalleled and we may never meet that kind of perfection.

But we can begin anyway.

To stop striving for perfection, to stop worrying about not knowing everything.

To simply create. And create again. And again. Again, again, again.

Until our work teaches us instead of web pages and workshops. Until our work tells us where to go instead of educators and mentors. Until our work stands concrete and resilient instead of suffering darkness in our imaginations, never freed.

We begin.

Because at the heart of everything we dream, there must be action. Without it, there is nothing.

“Begin Again”

For you who have chosen to dive deep with the creatures we cannot name
or you who never chose to fall so far but caught a wisp of cloud on the way down,
For you who takes a lifetime to say Yes after No has stolen your voice
and you who must die a fiery death to be reborn the whole piece you were searching for.

We are the seekers who find ourselves in the cloak of darkness where we know Creativity is born
and the builders who dig deeper than dirt to find the pillars of our strength,
We are the many and the few who are alone and all at once encompassed by solidarity.

We search for the switch that turns time slower so that we can replay the hideous and beautiful.

For you who cannot speak out loud the names that you wish you had been assigned
or you who looks behind your shoulder every morning to make sure your shadow obeys,
and you who falls to bruised knees to beg for a chance that long passed you by.

To us who need to turn the page and see nothing written but the space to write –

Begin.

To us who close a book and wish we had never opened it for ending inspiration –

Begin.

To us who have fallen deep into the plagiarisms of other author’s stories –

Begin.

And to us who have begun and have been told too many times to end –

Begin again.

I tend to be a very decisive person. I make decisions quickly and easily and I commit to them 100%. My closest friends, save for my husband, are just the opposite. It works out quite well, because they let me make decisions that we are all comfortable with. Trust me, there’s give and take. But by having those friends it has made me wonder what separates someone who has full confidence from someone who doesn’t.

I asked 5 friends to tell me if they trust themselves, and 4 of those people said that they trust other people more than themselves. I am that 1 in 5. I trust myself completely. I trust others very little. This might have something to do with confidence.

But in the end, it comes down to this simple notion. I believe that what I want will happen.

Some people see roadblocks as walls that can never be torn down. But I must ask, what in this world is permanent? What walls have we ever come across that we couldn’t get through, over, around, or take down completely? Nothing is permanent, not our successes, not our failures, not our confidence or insecurities. So why do we fiercely hold on to the idea that failure is imminent and success is not achievable?

Simple. It feels better than getting your hopes up and having them dashed.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m delusional. I say this because, no matter how far-fetched of an idea I have, I believe it will come true with such ferocity that I believe it has already happened. It’s just that time is a funny thing and I have yet to see it through.

The journey must come first,
but that doesn’t make the destination any less real.

How can we begin to talk ourselves out of giving up before we begin?

1. Remember that nothing is permanent. We are all in a state of flux and will continue to be until we die. People, places, experiences will come into our lives and leave them. Each of those things will teach us a lesson. Let them. Let them come. And know that if you want something, you must let it come when it will come.
2. Remember that timelines are arbitrary. Just because you feel, based on your comparison to those around you, that you should achieve something by a certain time doesn’t mean that you will. And if you don’t, that doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. Work harder and work longer. Let yourself fail a thousand times if you must before your desired outcome shows itself. The risk is worth it.
3. Believe that what you want has already happened. Decide on something you want to go for. Now visualize yourself in the midst of your success.
4. Believe in magic, but not as a replacement for hard work. Once you know your dream, work backwards from there. Figure out the layers that go into making the dream come true. Think of it like a cake. You see this amazing cake in a store window and you want to make one of your own. You can visualize what it looks like. You can even smell the raspberry filling. But simply envisioning it doesn’t make it real. You have to think about the ingredients that go into that cake – where will you get them, how fresh will they be, what colors will you use, what tools will best serve you? And only then, once your plan is in place, can you begin to build your dream.
5. Few people actually know what they are doing. If I have learned anything as a photographer, writer and speaker, it is that the people who are doing the most amazing things don’t have a roadmap. They have a lot of confidence, a great idea, and the willpower to see it through. Most don’t have a million followers, “industry connections” or a ton of money. Never make the mistake of thinking that you are alone in being lost. We are all lost. It’s just that some people thrive off of it.

Next time you find yourself down and out because you are convinced that you won’t be the next Oprah, settle. Remember to stop anticipating your final discovery. Remember to trust yourself. Believe. Dream. And build the foundation on which you can rise to meet your expectations.