Pretense is strong here online. We see people making their lives seem happier than they really are, or sharing their successes when failure comes more frequently. I love to share my joy, and I feel joy a lot of the time. Sharing only that becomes a problem when we decide to take responsibility for the mental health of those who follow what we do. I don’t think it is necessary that anyone take on that responsibility, nor do I think one can, fully, do such a thing. However, we can learn to be more honest about our lives and in doing so, give others permission to have bad days – to feel bad things, and to consequently dig themselves out of that rut.

In that spirit, I’m starting #FailureFriday where each Friday I will share an image/story/etc. of a failure. It could be photographic, it could be in business, but all of them will be in good humor. I have learned to laugh and learn from myself. Who better than the person embodying this life and all of it’s demons and butterflies? I decided to start this after having a long chat with my darling friend Lindsay Adler. We were helping each other with our businesses and talking about connection, when I thought it would be a great idea to intentionally show more of who we are.

Share your #FailureFriday to create a kinder,
more human online experience!

For this first Failure Friday, let me note, that I use the term “failure” very loosely. I don’t consider most things I do to truly be a failure, because when you learn something from your experience, that experience has value. Hey, you might like these pictures (if so, I appreciate that! and if not, I feel ya). Take failure to be whatever you feel. For me, I categorize a failure as a project that doesn’t turn out how I had hoped. Failures often lead to even better things, so keep an open mind.

It was June 2015. I was in Australia – Perth – for my first solo trip to the great continent. I was speaking at a convention (AIPP) and didn’t know a single soul. I was scared out of my mind. I am the first in a room full of people to turn bright red, break out in a stinging sweat, and locate an exit. I found that this event had a lot of socializing and I was so uncomfortable I didn’t know what to do with myself. I tried, so hard, all week to connect and put myself out there and make friends. And, I’m proud to say, I did. But I did a lot of floundering as well. I spent too much time in my room refusing to come out. I even tried to go to the big event party, but in reality all I did was get in the taxi, get out for 5 minutes, and immediately run around the corner and call the same taxi back.

When it came time to give my speech, I knew that I had to break out of my shell. So, when I was finished talking, I told everyone about how nervous I get in crowds and how this was so very out of my comfort zone, and how I wanted to change that habit. So, I invited everyone in the room to come with me the next morning for an impromptu photo shoot at a beautiful location, locally known as the secret garden. I had scouted it the day before.

I woke that morning with trepidation, as my demon brain told me that no one would show up and I’d be there by myself. At least, I said aloud, I would have a camera and a smile and some neat pictures, so it wouldn’t be a waste. To my surprise about 30-40 people showed up and I did some shooting demonstrations. We started branching out, using each other as models, and soon everyone was laughing and having a good time. I do better in those moments, when I have some control over the situation and I’m doing what I love.

It was very, very muddy that day. We were sometimes knee deep in thick, sticky mud. I decided, after about an hour of shooting, that someone had to do something about it. Naturally, I volunteered myself for a self-portrait. I asked for help, and everyone gathered around me with their tripods set up and helped slather mud all over me.

When I was well up to my ears in mud, a girl appeared. She said she had driven hours to join the group and possibly be photographed, and there I was literally covered in mud and unable to take her picture. I felt terrible! So, I said, join me! I asked her to jump in the mud, on a leap of faith with people she had never met before, and that we could be in the picture together! Her name is Laura, and she was such an inspiration in that moment.

We finished the shoot and laughed so hard I thought we were all going to have sore stomach muscles the next day. We tried our best to wash off in the creek but it was of little use. Some people offered us towels or clothes from their cars which we tried to change into, but we looked like we had just been dragged through a swamp…which was not far from the truth. I was having such an awesome time connecting with everyone I didn’t want it to end, so I suggested, looking like a crazy lady, that we all go out to eat. Looking like we did, embracing our complete weirdness, we went to lunch and made even more new friends as people asked us what – in the world – had happened.

The images never turned out how I wanted. I have worked on them every single month since I went to Australia and played in the mud with my new friends. It breaks my heart that I just don’t like them, because the experience was so rich with wonder. That’s how it goes sometimes. Sometimes the picture was never the point. It is just a bonus if it works out. If the experience itself isn’t worth it, don’t bother. If you can’t say that you would still have done what you did without the success, don’t do it. Life is too short to rely on outcomes when the journey is so much richer.

Promote PASSION.

1. Encourage by example.

DO something, and others will be inspired to DO something as well. Action inspires action. The best way to motivate someone is to dive in first. Others will follow in their own way and time.

2. Try everything TWICE.

I have a rule for myself that states I will always try everything twice. Fashion photography. Brussel sprouts. Writing a book.

No matter what it is you’re trying, try it twice…at least. That is the only way you can avoid making quick decisions based on fear. The more you allow yourself to try, the more you can truly narrow down your passions.

3. Don’t apologize.

If you have a passion, shout it to the world. If you love something, don’t be afraid to say it. Call yourself what you are. Become what you do.

For example, one day, despite making almost no money from photography, I had to call myself a photographer. I didn’t really feel like one, since I thought all photographers were published in Vogue and made hundreds of thousands of dollars. Delusions. And then I realized that I was short-changing myself by not calling myself a photographer. By avoiding those words and skirting around the subject, I failed to instill confidence in other people about what I do, and I didn’t let my inner light shine.

So now I say confidently what I am, based simply on my passions and the hope that one day they can all be part of my business. I am a PHOTOGRAPHER, WRITER, SPEAKER, FILMMAKER, EDUCATOR…and above all else, I am a STORYTELLER. Not because I am great at those things, but because I love them.

I feel very fortunate for growing up in a house where creativity was not just encouraged but rewarded. I grew up writing magical stories and children’s books and poetry, and then when I “grew up” some more I went to college and studied filmmaking and literature, both completely scary degrees to have in the “real world” but they made me happy. In all of this time my parents never tried to persuade me otherwise. I heard the typical murmurings of how little money I’d be able to make with those degrees, but my mom would always respond by saying “Then you don’t know my girl…”, and so I felt validated.

When photography came into my life in a big way, I had a lot to consider. There were people telling me that it was unwise to jump so wholeheartedly into something as slippery as photography. They said I would never know where my paycheck would come from, and questioned me about specific money-making plots. I was both critical about that way of thinking but also practical, and for a time I answered all of those questions and did so with fervor until I realized that it was no one’s business but my own (literally). I owed nothing to anyone. It was of no one else’s concern where my paychecks would come from or how it would work, save for my husband who is a part of me.

It is so easy to get caught up in other people’s opinions. And depending on our lifestyles, we may never have lived outside that opinion bubble. I know that I was quite sheltered growing up, and that wasn’t because of my parents, it was because of me. I liked being sheltered and having the same people around me and being close to what I knew. My sister was the opposite, completely free-spirited and wild. Because I preferred living life that way back then, I only knew the opinions of those around me. I didn’t understand enough about life.

But when photography came around something shifted. I understood, almost instantly, what was at stake. It wasn’t that no one approved of my photography; on the contrary, they were very supportive. It was that, logistically, they were truly concerned for my well-being if I quit my steady job and went into…the arts. (said with suspenseful music in the background).

I suddenly had a passion so strong that doing anything but photography felt as though it would kill my spirit, and I value that above most else. So I did quit my job, and it took a lot of long conversations with those I cared about, and zero conversations with those who it wasn’t worth having.

When I began exploring different themes in my work, I would hear feedback about the content of my images. They are too dark. They are too creepy. There is too much nudity. This and that and no one could always be happy. But the thing is this: I was always happy. I was creating what I loved, which is no concern of anyone else. I think that we often forget that just because someone has an opinion, that opinion is not fact. It does not need to govern your life.

This can be exceptionally difficult when it comes to loved ones. For example, I met my husband when I was 16. We’ve been together ever since. He and I are joined in every way I can think of and when he has an opinion, I listen to it because I respect him. It can be difficult to understand when to take someone’s opinion to heart and I think one basic question needs to be asked: is your relationship worth sacrificing for the art? Some people are worth losing over this debate. That is plain and simple, and I don’t mean it in any negative way. There are people that bring us down in the world, people who we are better off without. We need not be friends with everyone, and it is best to surround yourself with those who will lift you up.

You are the only one in control of your happiness. If art makes you happy, you have a duty to perform. To keep that locked inside is a disservice to your well-being and to all of those who you might inspire. Art is rarely kept to oneself. These days it is shared, and because of that, inspiration is everywhere. Take what you love and share it. Others will love it simply because you do. And remember above all else that your opinion should be regarded at the highest level. It is not up to anyone else to inspire you, motivate you, encourage you, or support what you do; you need to believe in yourself first. And when you believe in yourself, others are sure to follow.

As a visual artist, visual flow is incredibly important to creating art that is meaningful and that you love. It does not always come about quickly, but is usually within everyone whether it has been confronted or not. If I were to ask you to create something based solely on what you love, what would you do? If I asked you what you like to daydream about most, or what your favorite color is, or where your most precious location is…what would you say?

When we are honest with ourselves and, consequently, with how we portray our craft, we are much more likely to enter visual flow. To understand who we are, why we are, and how to hone in on those things is to begin to understand your visual flow. It is different for everyone, but ultimately results in creating in a more personally fulfilling way.

I think that it is important for an artist to love what they do, and I use the term “artist” very loosely. I do not identify an artist as someone who makes money from their art, but instead someone who sees what they do as a craft. Being a mother can be an art; being a painter can be an art; being a skydiver can be an art. All of these could also have nothing to do with art, depending on your relationship with it.

Finding your visual flow has nothing to do with how other people judge your art, or even how you judge it compared to others.

This is your bubble of creativity, and it refers to genuine happiness while in the creation process. The more you love the process of creating, the more respect you will have for the finished product.

If you are creating solely for the pride of whatever results, the process is diminished.

I love everything that I create, especially while I am creating it. I enter into my personal workflow with reverence and happiness, knowing that what might result could be the greatest thing I have ever created or it could be the worst; this is of no consequence. The more I love the process, the more I love the result. I love everything that I create because of this. Make no mistake, however, in thinking that I always love what I do; quite the contrary. Years down the line I look back at my works and cringe, yet do so with no less respect for the image and process.

The love and excitement of a new piece of art might fade, but the respect and love for the act of creating never does.

One can begin to enter into visual flow by learning more about the creation process. Question how you create vs. how you want to create. They may be two very different things. Think about what you would create with no constraints, and then understand that those constraints may only be temporary, or may not exist at all.

Visual flow is not about conquering the world with your art, it is about conquering your own little world with your art.

See the process, understand the process, love the process. It is inside us all.

So, last year when I was booking my schedule for 2014, I thought “sure, why not book two trips a month…just eat healthier and suck it up!” It turned out to be a lot harder than I thought it would, physically and mentally, to always be traveling. I found myself looking up to my friend Lindsay Adler, as I do so often, and admiring her determination to keep going and “get it all done”…but as much as I’d love to be, I’m not the wonder woman that Lindsay is.

To Lindsay: You amaze me.

The things that I value are making sincere connections, creating art, and writing. And at a certain point, trying new things and growing your business has to take a back seat to what you love, because if it doesn’t, what you love might be something that gets put on the back burner. I don’t want to get distracted from the things that are truly near to my heart.

With all the traveling I’ve been doing, I haven’t been taking time to just stop and create. To plan whole days worth of shooting and editing and other such nonsense. I mean, that’s why I wanted to be a full time photographer in the first place. Freedom. The thrill of creating. And above all, living a happy life.

So all of these thoughts culminated in, truth be told, nothing very spectacular. My plates didn’t fall. They are still spinning, but I’ve taken time to do what I need to do. And I’ve taken steps to spin fewer plates in the future. Because even though that may result in a number of things: less money, fewer connections, less travel, etc…I will gain so much more. What I lose from one category I gain in another, and happiness cannot be measured against anything else.

When I was shooting recently at the sand dunes and I heard the quiet of sand rustling hurriedly down the slope and I saw the spectacular sunset (it screamed to me silently), I realized that this is what I need more of: the tranquility I feel when I am free to create. I had to decide what is important in my life, just as we all must do to find happiness. What do I want to be doing on an everyday basis? Well, for me, the answers are as basic as they come.

I want to be home more and cuddle with my kitties and play that Doctor Who video game with my husband.

I want to cook more delicious food from all of my vegan cookbooks.

I want to create ALL THE TIME.

I want to write and be able to do so without a shaky hand on a plane.

I want to be able to reach people through my blog, videos, and education.

And so then, once those objectives are laid out, they must be put into place. Simple or not, it must be done, because happiness is what I hold most dear.

So instead of privately putting on 15 workshops a year in all different cities, I’m going to start an online interactive workshop. Instead of trying to focus on 10 different projects, I’ve determined which are most important and I’ve resolved to work on them exclusively. I started saying no where I felt the decision was a “make or break” for my happiness.

And most of all, I had to be okay with letting the wind take me where it will. Like a leaf gently falling from a tree, I am content to see where life goes.

So, from a hopeful me that these new decisions will inspire others to take hold of happiness…and with arms spread wide open to new opportunities and the opportunities I will create for myself…

…I’m off for an adventure.

How are you making your life a happier one to live?