I was on a trip in Iceland. It had been five days with my friends, driving around in RVs, our little homes crammed with people we hadn’t seen in a year but filled with love. Homemade dinners, everyone swapping motorhomes to taste some of each. Pitstops at inspiring places when the mood struck. Sunsets and sunrises that made us all squeal with joy and then immediately stop, and quiet ourselves, and reflect.

It was our last evening. We had been taking pictures for hours in the lava fields. Night was coming for us despite our resistance. We had one more campground to find. One more sleep until we all left the next morning. I called a stop to the shooting so that we could pack up, but I didn’t listen to my own command. As I stood in the lava field, watching everyone slowly pack up, I didn’t want to go. I had an overwhelming, all-encompassing feeling that I should not be leaving – that I belonged there. I stood for what felt like seconds but was certainly longer, staring out at the bleak yet beautiful dropping sun, almost hidden entirely through the misty clouds.

I had been gone for three weeks. I would be returning home the next day. A trip back home is sometimes a welcome thing. I love being home. But on a trip like this one, something changes in you. You see the world more profoundly, and when you do, it is hard to leave. So I stood there, while everyone else did all the work of packing up, and I let it wash over me. It was that feeling of understanding, like your entire person has expanded because of a deeper connection with everything around you. I felt as though I was being spoken to through the bottoms of my bare feet resting easy on the soft moss.

It was cold, but I hardly remember shivering. It started raining, but I don’t remember the drops. It was getting dark, but I only remember the light.

I stood there wondering, before she came over to pose for me, what would I create? If I could do away with what was cliche or what anyone expected of me, what would I create. And that was when it was obvious, like the image was burned there in my mind already. I would create what I felt. I would create what cannot be, yet is my truth. I would photograph her floating, being lifted by the light that didn’t exist but in my mind. I would create an image indicative of my experience there in that lava field, utterly surreal in that surreal place, completely elevated by that experience.

Artificial Lighting
Clipping Masks
Auto (anything) in Photoshop
Working with Agency Models
Dealing with a Bright Background
Modern Props/Spaces
Narrative Storytelling
Working with a Team

And the list goes on. *And* that is just for my photography. We all have countless struggles in our lives, be it professionally or personally. When we love something, we want to do it well. We want our hearts to be poured into something great. We put emphasis on what we love and so we do it, yet somewhere along the line we start focusing on all the ways in which we might fail.

No one will ever be good at everything. Even the most proficient person at their craft has a range of things that they simply aren’t good at. Yet at the heart of our challenges lies the simple idea that we are not actually bad at anything; we are afraid.

If someone tries hard enough at something, it is likely they will get past that awkward, uncomfortable phase of being bad at it. That doesn’t mean they will ever be the best, but they certainly will progress. The single thing that stops us from pushing past what we are bad at is fear of trying at all – being judged, judging ourselves, losing self-esteem.

For me, take artificial lighting. From my earliest days as a photographer people told me that in order to be “professional” I had to learn how to light my photos. I had learned about lighting a little bit in film school, and even then was terrified to touch a light despite wanting to be a cinematographer. I often opted for more unusual (re: low budget) ways of lighting a scene, like a 200watt bulb inside a paper lantern from Ikea. It worked, or at least…most of the time.

However, that does not mean that artificial light can’t produce the same results, or that I could expand my style even further by trying. So, then, why did I not?

Fear. That is what stops most people from doing most things.

Fear that my style will change and I will have the growing pains of growing into it.
Fear that I won’t be good at it. I have given artificial light a try, from huge softboxes in the forest to bare bulbs in my house. And to be honest, I don’t enjoy those pictures as much. But even more, I don’t enjoy that process. And in creating images with artificial light, I’ve learned something valuable – that I feel secure and fulfilled with my methods, and yet I don’t have a looming fear hanging over my head anymore.

I love creating for myself and by myself. I love my process so wholeheartedly it feels like an extension of myself. Yet that does not mean that there isn’t room for growth. There are always things to learn, even if it is what you don’t want to do. As long as you understand who you are, exploring other options can only act as a catalyst for a more secure and fulfilling life.

Today, when you write your list of things you can’t do, pick one of those items and change it. Do it. Break out of your comfort zone and try something completely foreign to your process, and own it. Fly or fall, that is no matter. The outcome is less important than the journey. Take a step forward to challenge your own fears and overcome them. The moment you do, you are free of them.

—

The above image was photographed with SweetLights in my living room, with a WHCC floor and black cloth background. Oh, and lots of painful body positions, as usual.

]]> https://www.promotingpassion.com/free-of-fears/feed/ 21 https://www.promotingpassion.com/promoting-passion-week-28-15/ https://www.promotingpassion.com/promoting-passion-week-28-15/#comments Mon, 07 Jul 2014 15:55:36 +0000 http://www.promotingpassion.com/?p=1793 Read More Read More

You start to create despite people in your life telling you not to. You start to create despite that little voice telling you it won’t be good enough. You create because you are inspired, and it feels like the right thing to do.

You are good at what you do. You want to start a business. You worry about money. You worry about reputation. You worry about what people will think if you turn your passion into a career.

You have a career but the pressure is always on. Create something new. Create for your client. Create for yourself. But soon the pressure of creating takes the fun out of it.

So often, when someone starts a hobby or passion or career, these are the things that we worry about: being good enough, staying inspired, making money, looking good, losing it all.

Sometimes we spend so much time worrying about these things that we do lose it all. We forget why we were inspired to begin with and those feelings of passion are replaced with feelings of dread – not wanting to let anyone down, not wanting to let yourself down.

If I think about my hobby, which turned into my passion, which turned into my career…it is easy to think of the milestones which made me worry or cry or jump for joy. I remember struggling so much with money that I got a part time job as a personal assistant. I remember feeling guilt at how I was pursuing my dream but helping no one while I was doing it. I remember feeling like a fish so small I couldn’t possibly avoid the hungry mouths of the bigger fish. I remember feeling like I was someone, and wondering if someone else would take that away.

Over time our doubts ebb and flow. We have concerns and we step on them. We have fears and we confront them. But the one thing we will always have is an uphill battle, and that is a good thing. If we want to learn and grow and become the best version of ourselves, we will always be climbing that hill. And in my years of experience thus far, I have learned something very valuable:

The uphill battle is never just the money, or the reputation, or the competition. It is the hill itself, and willing yourself to climb even when life isn’t easy. It is the hill that never ends, the top reaching past the clouds, and you wonder when you will find relief. But if you learn to see the climb as a challenge and a gift, always teaching you, always nurturing you, you begin to nurture yourself. You adjust to breathing the air that high up, and your legs become stronger, and you push on.

And once you climb so high, you are above it all: the competition, the drama, the fear. Sure, there will be new battles all the time, but you will be better equipped to handle them as they come.

So if you are climbing that hill and you wonder if it will ever be worth it…if you feel stuck and out of breath and wonder if you should keep climbing: the answer is yes. Pursue your hobby or passion or career. Become yourself. Step into your life. Because all the concerns and aches and pains are worth the bliss of being who you are meant to be – unabashedly, proudly, and above all – inspired.

Model: Katie Johnson

Art Gallery AFK: Staging and Revelation, Group Show
Lisbon, Portugal
March 7-April 12

This show is going to be an absolute delight, this I already know…and I’m definitely not talking about my own work, but the work of so many artists that I adore, like Daria Endresen. I wish I could go…I’d be totally starstruck!!!

Harrington Street Arts Centre: IF I COULD FLY
Kolkata, India
March 7-12

Completely near to my heart, this is, finally, the exhibition of the pictures I shot in India last year featuring the women from the shelter home benefiting survivors of human trafficking. Also featured are the self-portraits the women did to tell their own stories through art. I will be attending this exhibition and doing a live self-portrait demo as well.

The Project Room, Group Show
Chicago, IL
March 1-31

I’ve had my work in The Project Room for the last year and now we’re collaborating on a group show for the month of March. I really love this gallery and I wish I could be there in person! I have two pieces represented there and I hope you enjoy them!