How often do you let yourself be reborn anew? How often do you challenge your comfort zone, truly – not for show but because you feel that you are ready to stretch, or you need to grow, or you cannot fit in the body that contains you any longer? How often do you attempt the impossible? How often do you let yourself die to be renewed?

Rebirth. It is always on my mind. I want to be a thousand people in this lifetime, not just one. I want to learn everything about the things I love so that I can find more things to love and more things to learn. I want to shed the veil that drips off my face as life goes by so that I can find something new to hide behind, and a new way of shedding it.

When I create I am reborn. Most artists are, I think. You make something that defines who you are, and then it is outside of you, gone, taken by others who would view it or love it or hate it. That is the catharsis of creating: knowing that a piece of yourself is released. You can move on to a different piece while someone else digests what you have just lost, or given away, or gladly seen go.

Perhaps the saddest, or most distressing thing that I talk to people about is the danger of growth. We may not use those exact words, but everywhere I travel to I have conversations with new friends and old who tell me that the thing they want most is out of reach. They tell me all of the reasons why. They tell me how badly they want it. I tell them to get it. And a year goes by and I talk to that person again, and those fears have crept back in, and that dream is still dreaming.

Because, as I have witnessed too many times, one day you will wake up and realize you are the same person you were ten years ago. And that person might have been nice ten years ago, but that person is old and stale and boring. That person should have died long ago. And you regret that you didn’t take chances, and you regret that you have let too much time build up, and you regret not being an example to those around you of what it looks like to chase what you want.

I believe that our best moments are in the suffering of change and the beauty of it. Those moments show us who we are, who we might become, and if we look closely – our brilliance. My lessons in rebirth will never end. I will never stop visualizing that theme in my images, because I will never stop exploring what makes me alive. My greatest hope is that you explore your ability to change, too. We won’t always do so to great success, but doing so at all is quite the point.

I tend to be a very decisive person. I make decisions quickly and easily and I commit to them 100%. My closest friends, save for my husband, are just the opposite. It works out quite well, because they let me make decisions that we are all comfortable with. Trust me, there’s give and take. But by having those friends it has made me wonder what separates someone who has full confidence from someone who doesn’t.

I asked 5 friends to tell me if they trust themselves, and 4 of those people said that they trust other people more than themselves. I am that 1 in 5. I trust myself completely. I trust others very little. This might have something to do with confidence.

But in the end, it comes down to this simple notion. I believe that what I want will happen.

Some people see roadblocks as walls that can never be torn down. But I must ask, what in this world is permanent? What walls have we ever come across that we couldn’t get through, over, around, or take down completely? Nothing is permanent, not our successes, not our failures, not our confidence or insecurities. So why do we fiercely hold on to the idea that failure is imminent and success is not achievable?

Simple. It feels better than getting your hopes up and having them dashed.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m delusional. I say this because, no matter how far-fetched of an idea I have, I believe it will come true with such ferocity that I believe it has already happened. It’s just that time is a funny thing and I have yet to see it through.

The journey must come first,
but that doesn’t make the destination any less real.

How can we begin to talk ourselves out of giving up before we begin?

1. Remember that nothing is permanent. We are all in a state of flux and will continue to be until we die. People, places, experiences will come into our lives and leave them. Each of those things will teach us a lesson. Let them. Let them come. And know that if you want something, you must let it come when it will come.
2. Remember that timelines are arbitrary. Just because you feel, based on your comparison to those around you, that you should achieve something by a certain time doesn’t mean that you will. And if you don’t, that doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. Work harder and work longer. Let yourself fail a thousand times if you must before your desired outcome shows itself. The risk is worth it.
3. Believe that what you want has already happened. Decide on something you want to go for. Now visualize yourself in the midst of your success.
4. Believe in magic, but not as a replacement for hard work. Once you know your dream, work backwards from there. Figure out the layers that go into making the dream come true. Think of it like a cake. You see this amazing cake in a store window and you want to make one of your own. You can visualize what it looks like. You can even smell the raspberry filling. But simply envisioning it doesn’t make it real. You have to think about the ingredients that go into that cake – where will you get them, how fresh will they be, what colors will you use, what tools will best serve you? And only then, once your plan is in place, can you begin to build your dream.
5. Few people actually know what they are doing. If I have learned anything as a photographer, writer and speaker, it is that the people who are doing the most amazing things don’t have a roadmap. They have a lot of confidence, a great idea, and the willpower to see it through. Most don’t have a million followers, “industry connections” or a ton of money. Never make the mistake of thinking that you are alone in being lost. We are all lost. It’s just that some people thrive off of it.

Next time you find yourself down and out because you are convinced that you won’t be the next Oprah, settle. Remember to stop anticipating your final discovery. Remember to trust yourself. Believe. Dream. And build the foundation on which you can rise to meet your expectations.

A lot of times I get asked how long I’ve been a photographer. There are so many ways I want to answer that question, but usually I stick with the actual date that I first picked up my camera and started creating.

I could answer with when I became a full-time photographer, but that seems a little bit silly since nothing really changed on that day at all, except my stress levels.

I could answer with when I started honing my style, which was years and years before I ever picked up a camera. It was when I started writing when I was single-digits old. It was when I started making short films in high school and college. It was when I started writing poetry. And it was when I picked up my camera.

I could answer with the most recent time I reinvented myself, which is very akin to starting over entirely, questioning your process.

All of those answers are true. And in fact, I don’t even entirely consider myself a photographer. I am one, and I revel in taking pictures, but I am many other things as well – a director, a writer, a set designer… a cat lover? Lots of things.

Too many people have told me that they feel beaten before beginning because they just started photography and there are so many people so far ahead of them. I’ve met people who have decades of experience but feel disheartened by not knowing all of the current trends. The new photographers wish they had years of experience, and those with experience wish they could see the world with fresh eyes.

How long we have been practicing our craft isn’t always related to the way we create. The artist I am now is not the artist I was when I started. The person I was then is different, too. The only thing that remains the same is my intense love for creating with my voice, my vision, and zero compromises. As I piece together a new series, and reflect on how I have changed a huge chunk of the way I work and run my business, I find myself thinking of how scared I am. How, at times, I question what I’m doing, wishing I had years more experience on one day and on another, wishing I was just starting out with no pressure or expectation.

Yet other days I let myself soak into the reality that, each and every day, we are connected with the voice of our soul. We are compelled to create and so we do, and how long or short a period of time you’ve been creating is irrelevant. Every day we are reborn. Every day we give ourselves new opportunities. And every day, the fear creeps in with the light, and we must quiet that voice that tells us someone else has more experience, or that our tricks are old hat. The moment we listen to that cryptic voice is the moment we lose a sense of why we create in the first place.

It isn’t to measure the years we’ve been clicking a camera, or the consistency with which we have fresh ideas. It is to die and be reborn over and over, as all artists should do, to discover something so much more important than age or professionalism or value; it is to discover our worth, and our uniqueness, and to create with the most mighty of swords – our voice.

To put it simpler: They are beginnings. They are life. They are rebirth.

This end of another year does not symbolize the end of one thing as much as it does the beginning of another. And with all beginnings, it is best to start fresh with some introspection and self-love. It is best to move forward with yourself on your side, because too many of us play for another team. It is best to begin anew with dreams and hopes, and to put our losses to rest.

We have learned together and grown together. We have journeyed long and far and have discovered parts of ourselves we never knew existed. We challenged ourselves and pushed and pulled from others, and did our best to be the best, or at least the best we can hope for within ourselves. That is why I love you all. Accountability, friendship, and love.

I feel so fortunate to close this year out having learned about myself and about others. I have seriously redefined my goals in life. I am no longer satisfied with being a photographer. I want to make a real difference, and so a single word cannot capture what I hope to be. I want to be inspired by all things, naturally and beautifully, as it can be. I want to find my voice so that I may raise it up and stand for something bigger than my own vision. I want to give my imagination legs to stand on, and then wings to soar upon, that I may see the world from a cloud that I built with my own two hands.

As I looked back at this year, I found that the things I did, the “successes” and “failures”, were hardly a thought in my mind. I found it difficult to remember the traveling I did, or the pictures I created, so much as I could remember the lessons I learned while doing those things. Life is so often not about the things we do, but how we choose to look back on them. How they impact us in the future.

1. Give yourself a gift EVERY DAY.

   You are so much more worthy than you know. You are impactful and bright and you can change lives; the first life you should change is your own. Recognize your impact, your wants, your needs. Recognize your capacity for change, and then exact that change. Give yourself something every day that symbolizes that control you have over your world. Wake up to watch the sunrise. Treat yourself to a cookie. Write yourself a card and hide it. Go see a movie. Eat well. Smile at random. Count your successes, no matter how small. And above all, remember how worthy your own happiness is.

2. Forgive yourself before it is too late.

   We want to be better. We want to succeed. We want to push past our barriers. And sometimes, despite our best efforts, we simply do not manage everything we hope for. In those times, forgive yourself before it becomes too hard to do. I had my fair share of lazy days. Days when I watched TV all day. Days when I didn’t want to leave the house, or talk to anyone. Days when I felt inferior to other people, days when I didn’t think I could compete, and days when I just needed a rest. And I realized this year that it’s okay to not be the person you are aiming to be. Everyone needs to recharge and reset. It is okay to take a step back from that hustle and just exist. Forgive yourself now before guilt comes knocking. Let yourself be happy. Take breaks. Be free.

   3. You are a work-in-progress, yet you already possess the tools you  need.

   Two things happen all-too-often, perhaps due to our nature. One is that we constantly feel the need to be better, and the other is that we doubt our ability to do so. Remember this: no one expects you to be perfect. You are usually your own worst critic. Be okay with being something less than perfect – that is always more interesting anyway. Live through your flaws. Identify them. Try to grow. And remember, in the midst of those growing pains, that you do have the ability to fix yourself. You have all the tools you need. No one can give them to you. You simply have to search deeper.

   4. You have a gift to give the world – do not keep it to yourself.

   A great friend once told me, when I was refusing to release a picture about 5 years ago, that I have a gift to give the world and not sharing it was to keep that gift to myself. I rolled my eyes. I thought she was being ridiculous – after all, I’m not some crazy narcissistic person who thinks my art is so great. But you know what – she was right. And she wasn’t just talking about me. She was talking about everyone. Every single person has a gift to give the world. It might not be a gift for every single person, but consider this hugely important idea: When you give a piece of yourself, there is someone out there who needs to receive it, and they often will. You never know how you will positively impact someone’s life, so do not keep your gifts to yourself. They are too precious to be hidden away. Embrace them. Know your quirks. Reveal them. Share them openly. Be generous.

   We are cracked. We are flawed. We are full of power and energy that we cannot begin to know. We can only hope to search for it, to embrace pieces of it, and to use it to unlock our passion.