These words are ringing in my head today.

When I was younger, my story went like this:

My sister was very good at art. Taking nude charcoal drawing classes when she was barely a teenager, creating pottery, and painting. I watched her excel at this, and silently, I decided I was not good at art. I let myself be “good” at other things – writing, for example, which I had never known to be an art form. These things don’t always occur to young people. I took a photography class, and I was the worst at it. I tried hard, and it didn’t help.

And so the narrative grew and grew until, without ever realizing it, I had decided I would never paint or sculpt or draw. I decided I could not. I was beyond help or skill or talent. Learning was not for me.

I regained my confidence as an artist when I pursued film-making. And then again when I became a photographer. But, in some way, those mediums were distinctly different from the raw talent of handmade art.

Up until two weeks ago, I would have continued to tell you that I can’t draw, that I can’t sculpt, that I can’t paint.

In fact, not a month ago I sat with my sister playing with Play Doh. Fast as lightning she made a fish, and then a dinosaur, and so on, until she demonstrated how quickly and easily her brain works in 3D, how she can collect the likeness of reality into clay.

I sat staring at my whale flattened to the table, entirely 2D, and not realistic in the slightest, and that feeling came back to me from childhood. And I joked that I was bad at this, and we all laughed as we do, and I moved on.

But a few weeks ago I saw a class pop up in my email from my local art center.

Ceramics for Beginners.

I clicked it, left it up in my browser for days, debating.

And then I enrolled. Without hesitation or further thought.

And I went to my first class. It was terrifying.

Take control back of your narrative.
&
Cultivate a positive story for your life.

In the comments (either here or on YouTube), let me know…

What is the narrative that you need to change?

I have a couple problems with the way this question is phrased. First, the question itself seems a little bit crazy, because it assumes that there is a once-and-done solution to getting people to hit the “like” button online. The other problem is that it assumes that I know what that thing is. I don’t. My next problem is with the use of the word “follower”. It seems to me that if someone wants someone else to do something, creating a power divide simply in the wording of the situation is not beneficial. When you call someone a follower, you immediately define someone else as the leader.

Instead of wondering what the key is, or defining the situation in a certain way, remove yourself from it altogether and take a fresh look. It is a rare thing that someone knows exactly how to generate more followers on the internet. If they do, it is likely that they are paying money to get those followers through advertising, or that they are really up on SEO. The case is neither for me, nor will I assume that I know anything about social media.

But, if we’re pretending I do, then let’s break this whole thing down into more palatable terms. The beginning of the sentence “How do you get…” is one that I think needs to be changed. It should not be a question of how one “gets” followers, but instead how one simply engages more on a human level. We should not be trying to round people up like cattle, push them through the gate, and lock the door. It should be a give and take, a push and pull from one human to another.

The word “follower” is inherently negative, since it implies that the person you are trying to “get” is in some way inferior. Now I do realize that someone who “likes” a page on Facebook is now “following” someone else and what they do. But I don’t like to think of it like that. This is how I believe that is how communities are build: on the foundation of equality and mutual strengths. With that definition in mind, I aim to create spaces where anyone can speak their mind, where they feel safe to do so, and where I have an equal interest in what they are doing as they do in what I am doing.

1. WHY do you want to gain “followers” on social media?

Do you want followers or do you want peers? Do you want your “like” count to go up or do you want to create a community of strong individuals? Do you want to generate an income? Do you want to engage people with your art?

Why is it that you want people to join you on social media? And be honest about that. It is okay to say that you need to make money from your craft. That is a completely acceptable thing for an artist to do, and yes, having people find your Facebook page can be amazing for that. But at the heart of it, if you are only in the social media game to grow your number, it is unlikely that number will ever grow very fast, or very far.

Once you understand what your goal is, you can start to cater to that goal. My goal personally is to create a safe space where anyone can come to be creative, express themselves, and truly follow their passion. Therefore it only makes sense that I focus on community and giving back as two of my main topics here on my blog and social media.

2. What makes you feel good?

Let’s say you’re out with friends and one of them does something nice for you. What is one thing someone could do for you that would make you feel special? It might be someone complimenting you, showing you support, holding a door for you, getting you a present, etc…

Answer that question for yourself and then figure out how to put that sort of kindness into your interactions with people on your social media sites. If you like to receive gifts, perhaps do a giveaway on your site. If you like to receive compliments, genuinely find something you like about the people interacting with you and tell them. The list could go on and on.

3. What is your voice?

Kind of an annoying question, I know, because creative people like to talk about this all the time…but there is a reason for that. One must understand who they are and what their art form speaks of before trying to get others to listen to that message. Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone has a message that they are putting into their craft. Understanding that message and subsequently understanding what type of people that might attract is huge when it comes to building up your social media.

I know that the kind of art I create is dark, yet it is also fairytale-inspired and whimsical. Therefore, the types of people that would likely look at my work are those who are interested in the impossible, who love to dream, who like to see into a new world, and who like stories. Of course that won’t encompass everyone, but it certainly helps to give a start to what the people are like who might join my pages.

4. Use your voice!

Once you understand what your voice is and the types of people who might like to hear that voice, you can start to create content based around those ideas. If my work is dark and whimsical, it makes sense to write something dreamy to go along with my works because the voice of the writing and the voice of the image will then match. Think about who the people are that are coming to your page, and think about what they might like to hear. After all, they are being attracted because of something you created or said, so keeping that voice consistent is important.

This is never to say stop growing or do everything the same way. It is to say grow, and change, and develop while remembering who you are and who you want to be.

5. Treat everyone with equal respect.

How easy is it to absorb positive comments while getting angry about negative comments? Incredibly. Easy. Too easy, in fact. We so often ignore those who are being nice to us and quickly respond to those who would bring us down. Remember this, and remember it well: you need to decide what kind of a space you are creating. Do it intentionally, and stick to those principles. On my social media I allow everyone to have an equal voice. If someone doesn’t like something, I try to accept that graciously. If someone likes something, I try to do the same. And while the nice comments might not hurt and they make me feel a fluttering in my heart, at the end of the day I am grateful for both. I am grateful that people feel they can express themselves and that they won’t get shot down for doing so.

If that isn’t your policy, that is totally fine. Some people adamantly believe that if they didn’t ask for critique they should not have to hear it, and I totally see the logic in that. But whatever your theory, believe in it and stick with it.

I have a no hate policy on my page. If someone is saying something solely to hurt myself or someone else, I will block them. I don’t tolerate that type of behavior. But if someone is simply stating an opinion, no matter how contrary it is to my own, I let it be.

6. Recognize everyone’s importance.

Every single person has something meaningful to contribute. When you begin to see your social media experience as a give and take, you begin to treat everyone a little bit differently. Instead of posting something and hoping people flock to your post, you might comment back to other people, visit their pages or blogs, and seek their stories. Giving back to those who would give to you is an important way of showing your “followers” that you care. Without that sense of mutual respect, it is likely that people will not always return.

A full year ago I went surfing the Internet and found a sofa I liked. I was trying to decorate my house and went to Google to see what came up. When I tried to find where the sofa was from, I landed on a website in which the sofa was not for sale at all…but the house it was in was for rent. So I contacted the owners, who live in the south of France, and inquired about shooting in their castle.

They wrote back positively and I booked it on a whim, only to then have a panic attack when I realized I couldn’t pay for it. My thoughts were this: How am I going to afford a castle in France? How am I going to gather the courage to travel alone and shoot there? And so I decided that I would host a retreat, book the castle for an extra day, and live with the attendees for 4 days. Perfect, I thought. This will be perfect.

But, as with anything, you have fears and doubts. What will they be like? Will they understand my thirst for adventure? Will they enjoy what I have to say? And so I went with both excitement and fear, just the same as everyone attending. The first night we gathered I asked everyone intimate questions. I didn’t want the feeling of isolation to linger. I wanted us to share openly and honestly, and we did. Things like our greatest desires, something no one knows about you, and what your favorite movie is. We all shared, and we all learned.

The next day was the official start of the retreat. It started with laughter and tears, as we talked about storytelling and got to see how each person thought and created without lifting a camera. From there we headed to the castle where we did a blindfolded shoot and then got to practicing with the three models who joined us. The day was chaotic but theraputic, fun and exhilarating. When we walked into the chateau that day, I think that at least seven of us cried at how beautiful it was. We wanted to live up to that beauty, and that stress is overwhelming. So I talked to each attendee, told them it was okay to fail and try again, and that we would be back here in two days time.

The end of that day brought a movie – a documentary that talked about seeing the world differently and with more love, adventure, and compassion. It was the perfect end to the first day.

Day two brought even more tears as we talked of our strengths and weaknesses, something which we are all connected by but afraid to speak out loud for fear of making them real, or being judged, or simply admitting them. We talked of a great many things, but what we had in common bonded us very strongly. We edited and talked of business, and had a lunch on a terrace of a restaurant, and then we sat down to a homemade dinner at night. I tried to help prepare the meal in some down time, but as I have learned, retreats are a 24 hour a day job and I was on the move.

That morning, though, was a most interesting experience. I ordered everyone up at 5AM to walk to a waterfall. Of course those who didn’t want to come didn’t have to, but I gave them my best pouty face just before bed to convince them. Everyone showed up as I rang the bell at our house to convene. There were 17 of us all together, and we marched to that waterfall like we weren’t afraid of anything…except we were. The water was colder than any water I had felt, and I told them I was jumping. And I did…along with about ten others. We lined up on the edge of the water and, on the count of three, we all jumped in. Some stayed behind and took pictures, others swam around, others were so shocked by the temperature that they got out immediately. Whatever happened in that waterfall was magical, and we are all bonded by it.

On Day 3 we went back to the chateau and got to shoot for a full eight hour day. We were better prepared this time, having a whole day in between to think about the space and come up with stories. Many people shot a series, while others were inspired by individual rooms and props. It was absolutely magical to see. I spent the morning doing 1-1 meetings with the attendees, and then after lunch I got to shoot my own series – 12 images that I can’t wait to start working on!

It wouldn’t be complete without telling you about the lunches and dinners at the chateau – huge, multi-course meals eaten outside of the castle with a view of the whole town below, mountains in the distance, blue skies and white puffy clouds. Perfect temperatures…and a feisty gray cat who wanted to dine with us.

That night we made t-shirts and reverted back into our childhood selves. We were very sad it was ending the next day, but so happy for what we had together. We danced, painted t-shirts, laughed until our bellies hurt, and hugged until we couldn’t anymore.

When morning came we had to pack up. Everyone slowly took their leave and made the ending official, but we all promised to meet again someday…and we will, of that I am certain.

Please meet the family I made in France. We affectionately call ourselves “Fromagi”, which is a joke I can’t begin to explain, except that when you put an American in France you’ll start to say some pretty strange things. They are all uniquely talented, and I love them dearly:

Bonnie Caton

Dawn Culen

Delphine Millet

“These days seem to me like a dream and I can’t believe it was the reality. I still can’t find the words to describe it because I don’t know words which are powerful enough to express these moments. The only word that I have in mind is “goose-bumps” because I had so many “goose-bumps” moments and here I still have them when I read the posts of others Fromagi. I really really hope that we all will meet again because I can’t imagine that our life won’t cross in the future.”
– Delphine

Emmanuel Lhermitte

Jade Sayers

Jessi Bowman

Kory Zuccarelli

“I’ve gotta say my expectations of this retreat were absolutely blown away. I guess I really hadn’t imagined what I had gotten myself into. I would think coming into a fairly sized group of people, some of us would click and we’d have our little circles, but no. We were solid group of individuals who came from all corners of the globe, and meshed together like old friends hitting a comforting connection right off the bat. Words of wisdom, stories of woe and laughter, shared throughout the week. If this weren’t enough, we had the most amazing models, helpers, and locations to shoot in! Something so etherial and wonderful about the abundant joy we each shared on our faces ; like a slight glare into another’s eye and we share the same thought, “Is this seriously all real?” 
I’m so grateful that I had this opportunity and that I got to share it with so many like-minded people. This retreat sparked a new passion I have on life and I came home from France with a family. Le Fomagi for life!”
– Kory

Lieke Anna Haertjens

“Words can not describe the feeling that has entered my being after these wonderful days with all of these beautiful people. In such a short amount of time I learned so much. Not only about photography, but about myself, about the world. How we see the world and are able to change this if we set our mind to it. I learned more than I could have ever dreamt of. My heart is filled with inspiration, love and joy. I am so grateful to have been a part of this life-changing adventure. It was the most magical bubble we lived in during these days and I hope we can all take our little bubbles with us, cherish them, hold on to them until we meet again. ”
-Lieke

Marisa White

Melissa Hutchinson

Mike Epner

Rebeca Cygnus

“The whole experience filled my heart with love. As I said to you in the chateau, you make magic and the right word for me to describe your workshop is magical. I loved every second of the workshop. You made me feel completely alive those four days. I only have to say thank you infinitely.”
– Rebeca

Tom Newforge

Very special thanks to Jen Brook for being our resident model and, as usual, blowing everyone’s expectations out of the water. Many thanks to my assistants, Kelly and KD, for being my best friends and greatest helpers. And to everyone who joined me – you gave me a new family that I will forever cherish, and all I can say is…FROMAGI for life <3

To join me on my next artist retreat in Hana, Hawaii, you can find more information on my website or my blog!

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