I don’t have a new video for you, BUT – we are a month in to White Wall Wednesday which means you have a bunch of videos to look back on. And if you haven’t joined in yet, use the hashtag #WhiteWallWednesday so that I can find your creations!

That brings me to why I’m not releasing a video today, and I’m glad for the opportunity to talk about it. We have a chronic problem of idolizing people who seem successful and swiping bad emotions under the rug. Let’s stop that nonsense.

A few things piled up this past week, physically and emotionally.

“The best way out is always through.”
― Robert Frost

I threw my back out over the weekend and I’m trying to stay horizontal as much as possible to recover. I’m doing much better (thank you for the love!) and getting out each day, but want to take it easy. That means I couldn’t swing doing a photo shoot and a video by myself.

I am also prepping for my annual convention, Promoting Passion. It’s in ONE WEEK! I’ve put this event together almost entirely alone, from finding speakers, sponsors, assistants and models to booking a venue, figuring out A/V, transportation, budgets, hotel accommodations for 165 people, and more. It has been a WHIRLWIND. One day, I’d really like to share my experience doing this. First, because it is a learning experience like none other. And second, because I’m really proud of pulling it together and would love for you to have those same skills, if you don’t already.

Third, I had some pretty life-changing emotional stuff to deal with this week. I can’t/won’t go into detail, but suffice it to say I’m a little emotionally drained right now and didn’t feel like I had enough to give you in a video. (Plus, I have to save it up for Promoting Passion!)

My life for the past month has been like a television show…I’m just not sure if it’s a drama or a comedy. My dining room table, which was covered in a full body cast of my own body, is now strewn with paperwork and goodie bags and all sorts of convention items. My computer is a mass of spreadsheets, my emails are never-ending. But you know what I’m most proud of right now in my life?

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile,
but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh

The joy that I’m finding in the in-between moments, even when I feel overwhelmed or when I have anxiety attacks, even when I don’t think I can handle one more responsibility. The joy is always there. The silver lining. That is my greatest super power.

Please don’t mistake my listing of tasks as unhappiness. I am wildly happy – in myself, in my life – but sometimes we get reminders to slow down. This week has been a reminder in the biggest way possible. Life gave me a massive shift in perspective, and I’m listening.

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns,
or rejoice because thorns have roses.”
― Alphonse Karr

I’m currently on my sofa reading a great book, letting my emails pile up (just a little bit), contemplating some avocado toast. I don’t get my kicks from working myself to death; I revel in the moments of quiet that I afford. This White Wall Wednesday is a day of rest and inspiration for me.

After all, I have a convention to run next week. And I’ll be darned if I’m going to let an injured back and a touch of anxiety get in the way of me running the most passionate event on the planet.

Let’s do this, world.

With inspiration,
Brooke

P.S. Can I just give thanks for a few things:

…a soft bed and a comfy sofa, Netflix, good books, ripe avocados, cats, a husband who literally will not let me move myself, and the best community of individuals I could ever hope for to cheer me on through difficult times.

I’ll see many of you at Promoting Passion next week. And those I won’t, I’m keeping you in a warm embrace until we meet!

Today’s honest and vulnerable #FailureFriday comes from a story I wanted to share. Some of you may of seen it on my Instagram story last Sunday. As many of you know I have anxiety, particularly social anxiety. It causes me grief sometimes, but I have been proud of how well I keep it under control most of the time. Last Saturday night I let it overcome me, and I had a rough Sunday morning.

I was in Palm Springs for the incredible Palm Springs Photo Festival. My hotel reservation was messed up and I found myself driving aimlessly around the street of Palm Springs until midnight on Saturday wondering where to stay. It all got worked out, but it started my anxiety up. I felt out of place and vulnerable and overtired, and I started to fall apart. By Sunday morning I felt somewhat better, so I decided to drive around and find some vintage stores. Every small thing started triggering me: talking to the shop owner, shifting through a group of people, even the thought of going to a restaurant.

I knew I had to do something about it.

I pulled my car over in a neighborhood and tried to calm myself. I thought very deeply about what would make me feel better. Two things: creating and community. The foundation on which Promoting Passion is built on. It was natural.

For anyone who suffers from anxiety or depression or something similar, you know how difficult it is to push yourself to do something in that state. I decided I needed accountability. I turned on my Instagram story and started talking – about my anxiety, about how out of place I felt, about my nerves regarding the festival and how I was by far the least experienced instructor there. It made me feel less alone.

Next came the creating part. I saw some rocks and wanted to create something there, so I turned on my Instagram live story and recorded the process live, intermittently running back and forth with the phone from my camera to the rocks to create an image, while also talking about my feelings/emotions.

When it ended, I started getting messages from my community staying THANK YOU for sharing. Saying THANK YOU for being honest. Saying THANK YOU for giving me permission to feel.

I felt like such a failure that day. I felt like I would never be good enough, like I would never fit in. And while I didn’t manage to make it to the faculty dinners or “shmooze”  with the “right” people (good grief, how is that even a THING?!), I did do my damn best at teaching my class, and I took my students to eat, and I went to lectures, and I fufilled myself with yoga and spontaneous moments and hugs like you wouldn’t believe.

I never anticipated that my anxiety could be something good. You never do when you are in the throes of it. But there I was, shaking from nerves, trying to breathe deeply, and someone was there, watching, and thanking me. It proves that though we may see ourselves as failures – we may feel out of place and low and sinking further – that is the very thing that connects all of us beautiful creatures. That is the depth of our soul. It is joyous and it is deep. It is melancholy and it is bliss.

—

Image created during my workshop at PSPF when one of the attendees asked me to demonstrate a self-portrait.

If I had videotaped myself a year ago, or 6 months ago, or even a couple months ago dealing with this exact situation…it would have been uncomfortable. Disappointment is just not something I can stomach. But this time was different. I was different.

I had my initial gut reaction. I let myself have it. I didn’t break down, but I let myself feel the hurt. Quickly though, I moved past it, and I did so with three steps. Simple, but life-changing for me.

The first thing that I did was to immediately begin reciting positive mantras to myself, out loud. I just started spewing off anything I could think of that would lift my spirits and allow me to remember my worth.

The second thing that I did was to remember the big picture. What was happening hurt in that moment, but it would not define who I am or what my career is. It would simply be, and then it would be forgotten over time.

The third thing that I did, and most importantly for me, is that I reacted quickly. We have the opportunity, during any given situation, to decide how we feel about it. I decided, right there and then, exactly how I was going to handle the situation (by writing out solutions and taking action immediately). This helped tremendously in making me feel like I had control over something that seemed out of my hands.

We are all creatives, and a lot of us pursue creativity either as a passionate hobby or as our professions. As such, we know what it is like to put ourselves out there and receive criticism. Many of us suffer from anxiety given the right situation. How do you overcome it?

Would you be willing to share a tip or two that you practice to overcome fear, anxiety, or criticism?

10 years ago. I was picking out colleges. I intentionally looked at schools that had private housing so I didn’t have to room with someone.

5 years ago. I was just about to start my business and decided not to deal with clients for fear of puking all over them.

Today. Still feel a little queasy, but doing much better. Let’s talk about why.

Another way that I dealt with anxiety was to begin telling myself that no one cares about me…in the best way possible! It is easy to become self-absorbed and think that everyone is judging us, when in reality, that is rarely the case, especially from strangers (at least in a meaningful way).

I began teaching workshops 4 years ago. About three years ago I was asked to do my first speaking gig. It was at After Dark photo convention. This last year I’ve been to a number of different conferences and schools to give lectures. And next year, my focus will be on motivational speaking for schools and businesses. So the big questions is…WHY!? Why would I do that when I’m scared to death of social situations.

The answer is twofold. One reason is because I wanted to push myself. The other is because I believe everyone has a story to tell. If I didn’t tell mine, I would be quite the hypocrite. And I would also be holding my desire back to teach others.

It isn’t the lectures that scare me, or the stages, or the crowds so much as it is the personal interaction just before the lecture begins. There is an in-between moment when you aren’t quite saying what needs to be said, going through a PowerPoint presentation, but instead you are just YOU, vulnerable and in front of everyone. This is the same feeling I get when talking with people I just met, at a party, or anywhere, really! It is the human connection, and I’m just plain bad at it.

These are the lessons I’ve learned in those 15 minute “in-between” times, after I come out from hiding in a bathroom stall and before I begin giving a lecture:

1. No one cares about you.

I know I’ve talked about this before, but I can’t stress the importance of it enough. In the most inspiring way possible, remember that it is highly unlikely that anyone’s opinion of you will guide your life more than your own.

2. What you look like is half of how someone will judge you…so OWN it!

Be proud of who you are and what you look like. Usually accepting your own style is the best way to get others to do the same.

3. Look the way you want to feel (hair, makeup, clothes).

Think about what clothes make you feel most YOU and wear them! Dress how you want to dress, present yourself how you feel, and you will immediately come off as more confident for it.

4. Get others involved (ask questions!).

One of the best ways to deal with anxiety in a social gathering is to put the pressure on someone else. Ask them questions, but not just any old question. Ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. This is very helpful for me when starting conversations with people.

5. Share your life! Even if you don’t think it’s interesting, someone else might.

Everyone has something interesting going on in their life. I try to pick something out that is positive and halfway engaging to share should the occasion arise.

6. Understand your quirks, and werk ’em!

Be who you are, completely, and then don’t be afraid to show that to people. I try to be myself, even when it means saying weird things, running around barefoot, or making stupid jokes.

7. Create a safe space for yourself after you’re finished.

I am the kind of person who needs a space to recharge. I’m very much the introvert, so I always need a place to retreat to after a big social engagement so that I can decompress.

I thought it was appropriate to put a picture from my recent CreativeLive class in this post, since that is one of the biggest ways I have personally overcome anxiety. There is nothing quite like having cameras pointed in your face and talking for 18 hours!

I’ll be posting a blog later in the week about how this image was made.