Although the name of this post is a literal representation of what our video shows today (because I’m an early bird and I am constantly early to everything, including the sunrise)…it is also a metaphorical nod at what I really want to dig into.

Working alone.

And I don’t just mean physically. In this new video we take a look at how I work 100% alone when I go out on shoots. That means using myself as a model while thinking about everything a photographer must consider: light quality/direction, background, lens choice, angle, wardrobe, props, pose, exposure settings, etc.

You work alone. I work alone. At some point, we find ourselves utterly alone.

Even if not literally – maybe you work in an office with people or have a loving partner or friends – but eventually, you will find yourself with a dream that only you has, and you won’t know how to achieve it. Your friends will think you’re a little nuts, the internet won’t give you any great answers, and you’re left alone.

That is the darkness I’m talking about. The want-it-so-bad-but-can’t-find-help kind of darkness. What to do? I think I’ve made a game out of working alone, or at least that’s how it feels. I’ve done it for so long and in so many ways.

“We have to continually be jumping off cliffs
and developing our wings on the way down.”
– Kurt Vonnegut

I’ve put together a list of what I’ve learned from being a professional loner.

1. Your mistakes will not break you.

The first time I wrote to galleries I was 22 years old. I put 100 gallery emails, after a ton of research, in the TO line of my email. Not the BCC line…And I hit send. It was a terrible move, the kind that many less optimistic people would give up at after receiving some very harsh emails back, such as I did.

Here’s the point in my telling you this. Nothing really matters. If you mess up trying to walk through one door, the world doesn’t close all other doors. I messed up a lot. I did stupid things like that mass email. I made prints and dented and scratched them. I misprinted. I broke frames in transit. I didn’t insure my pieces and they got damaged. I didn’t know how to talk to galleries. I wrote unprofessional emails. And despite making a TERRIBLE impression on a LOT of people, I still managed a career.

Please, please, I’m begging you: stop believing that one mistake will lead to your downfall. In my experience, the easiest way to fail at your goal is to stop trying because you made a mistake, not because of the mistake itself.

2. No one knows anything.

People look like they know a lot. People want you to think they know a lot. And some people do. About their industry, about their journey, but not about yours.

You know how we’re all adults pretending to be grown up but we’re not really grown up, we’re just pretending? What’s that? You don’t know what I’m talking about, and you really are a grown up and an adult at the same time? Well then, I misjudged you. But for the vast majority of us, we’re guessing. We’re playing this game where we look like adults and so we try to do things that make us adults, but really we’re children inside navigating a giant and scary world.

Don’t count on anyone to guide you. Don’t count on anyone to know your path. Just guess at it, like we do everything else.

Let’s get that straight right from the get-go. Yes, some people have been successful. Maybe even in what you’re looking to do. Yes, some people make a lot of money. Maybe even in what you’re looking to do. But if you try to pursue the same avenue they did, it won’t work. The more creative your endeavor, the more solidly you can expect that to be true.

Let’s take my journey as a fine art photographer. My dream was to exhibit in galleries. I asked around and couldn’t find any consistent advice.

“Make a ton of prints at once and then try to sell those over a few years,” one person told me. “Make prints as they are ordered and don’t waste your money,” another person said. “Number your prints out of 200” versus “number your prints out of 5″…and so on.

And yet, it worked out.

3. Could you please commit to being weird already?!

The most successful people (and I’m using successful not only to mean monetarily, but also through innovation and creativity) are people who did things differently. They thought differently, created differently, and dreamed differently.

You are an artist. You are already different – other, unusual, outside – so you know what it means to think differently. If someone said to you, “Your art is the same as everyone else’s art,” you would take that as an insult. But if someone said, “Your business is the same as everyone else’s business,” you might feel relief that you’re doing it “right”.

Something is broken in how we work. Artists should embrace the unknown in every aspect of what they do.

4. Stop searching the internet. Search your brain instead.

This will sound harsh, but think about it before you judge me:

How often do you reach for the closest search engine when you have a question, be it the never ending wait, what is that actor’s name?! to how do I become a professional artist?!, or some variation thereof?

Classes, workshops, mentors, Google searches, emails to professionals…it never stops.

What if you gave yourself a challenge that for one month you had to make every decision based on really and truly thinking it through with no outside aid, not even running it past a friend, coupled with a little help from your guts – your intuition?

Could you get through a month like that? I don’t think I know many people who are willing to make big decisions, especially about their creativity and business, without looking up something comparable.

I think this is severely hurting our ability to take risks and be confident in ourselves. We are so constantly looking for validation in our choices that it has become part of our habitual process. This needs to stop.

5. Failure to Fail.

I believe that because we are so unwilling to fail at so many things, we have developed an ironic failure to fail. Call it F to F syndrome. It happens when we are so afraid of messing up that we a) do nothing at all, or b) look for an exact roadmap until we start becoming someone else.

The shoe doesn’t fit. Stagnation does not become us. And the only way out is to make time to fail, and recognize that we will also, most likely, find the time to succeed.

I am most proud of my willingness to fail.

I fail at photo shoots about once ever 2 weeks or more. I fail at business attempts a few times a week. I receive rejection emails, I am told no often. I hear silence most of the time when I send an email out into the void.

Sometimes I end up covered in molasses half naked in the woods with no one around to help me and a picture that looks like crap.

You know, normal stuff.

And despite that…

No, because of that…

I feel that I am more successful than I have ever been, and certainly more so than I ever expected.

Listen, a lot goes into success. It isn’t just trying hard and trying often, trusting yourself and making mistakes. It is about producing great work. It is about developing a great work ethic. It is about learning and education – yes, take those workshops, put in those hours. But don’t let it be a crutch. Be great in your own right, not in someone else’s.

Today for White Wall Wednesday I celebrate this unique, personal, fulfilling and difficult journey we are all on. Today is another day. A day to say:

Screw this, I’m making choices for myself and by myself.
My failures will not end me and my successes will buoy me.

How will you proudly push
forward in your own darkness?

Leave a comment.

Adapt, change, learn, grow…OR ELSE. That is what this July challenge is warning me every day. Today my alarm went off and I was perky, ready to start my hour drive to my location. I could hear it was raining, and when I checked the weather saw it would be worse where I was going. I love shooting in the rain, but my car doesn’t do well driving in it, so I opted for a safer location today. That meant I was up at 4am with no where to go for an hour, so I bided my time by thinking up a new concept, finishing off my emails, and making a to do list for the day. Of course I couldn’t stop myself from leaving early (I’m not good at waiting), so I found myself in the middle of no where in the dark with only the little bunnies to keep me company (which was plenty good for me). I am chronically early. It’s pretty bad.

A little bit of panic sets in when you’re a planner and you’ve got a plan and then something shatters it. I plan to the extreme. I’m really good at being spontaneous, as long as it is within my set parameters. Location: check. Photo idea: check. Spontaneous dip in freezing cold water? Check, as long as my plan has gone accordingly thus far. This morning I did my best not to panic, as I have done all month. I might not seem like it (or maybe I do, who can really judge how they come off to people?), but I tend to be a terrible mix of messy/disorganized and Type A planner. When I do something, I do it all the way. Unfortunately for my cleanliness, sometimes I don’t do it at all. All or nothing. I try to learn balance, but ‘black and white’ always catches up with me again.

So, when it’s 4am and you realize your grand plan isn’t going to work, how do you adapt? How do you change what you emblazoned in your mind? How do you quickly get far enough away from that idea to cultivate a new one?

That was my morning question which thankfully I’ve discovered ways of answering very quickly. I practice, every single day, new ways of being mindful and in tune with my inspiration. The more I touch what inspires me by setting my imagination on fire with it, the easier I can reach for ideas of what to create faster. I practice that. Every day.

Today was foggy and mysterious. It was gorgeous. I love the rain and the fog, so I am always in a battle: Do I live somewhere rainy for my art, or somewhere sunny for my happiness? Happiness always wins, and I live in a very sunny place, which is why I get so excited when it rains. We had a huge storm yesterday with a power outage for a couple hours. An excuse for me to read and slow down. I probably needed it. Today was wet and muddy and the birds were singing despite the damp. I felt right at home.

Today I noticed a tendency that I have, and probably that many people would have in completing a daily creativity challenge: Repetition of the known. Just think – if you were creating an image everyday, and you had limited time to do so, wouldn’t you have a natural inclination to choose ideas that you feel secure in knowing how to create, rather than ones you aren’t sure how they will turn out? Time is precious, and I don’t always have all day to try and fail and try again.

I have tried very hard this month not to let that way of thinking interfere with my concepts. So far, so good. I’ve been trying so many new things and learning so much. Today was no exception. I went out shooting with zero guesses as to if what I was doing would work out. It was something I had never done before, and I was having trouble wrapping my brain around exactly how I needed to shoot to allow it to come together in Photoshop.

I had a good feeling about what I was doing, mostly because it rained everywhere but on top of me, the sunrise was as orange as could be, and a rainbow appeared right over my shooting spot – mountain to mountain. So, I went on my merry way taking pictures and laughing to myself and running all around, this time trying to keep my shoes on as long as possible since my feet are becoming increasingly hole-y this month with all the barefoot running I’ve been doing in the desert.

What have you learned recently in your craft?

Today I wanted to show you the initial stages of choosing images and putting the picture together, totally unsure of if it would look anything like what I saw in my head. I knew there was a strong possibility of having to reshoot, but I’m pleased to say that didn’t have to happen today. It would have been okay though, because I was willing to dedicate my entire day to getting it right. Now, I’ve got an entire day to keep working on the content I have coming for you on August 1. I can’t wait.

Good luck today on whatever you’re working on! Though luck has nothing to do with it, it’s all try and try again. Big hugs!

We settled on a brown color, though which brown I did not know. I like bold change, and so I left the salon with dark brown hair…and I adore it. It is just the change I need to feel like a character again. When I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror I hardly recognize myself…I am a natural blondie after all. The other day I was thinking about this change, and although it is only superficial, had me thinking about more internal matters.

Noticing the stark contrast of my pale skin and the dark hair, I began to think about how white and black are perceived through symbolism. Very often the connotation is good vs. evil, and so I decided to create an image with that theme in mind. I used my hair to my advantage in this self-portrait, allowing it to pull me in one direction while my white dress pulled in another. So often we feel this pull: good/evil, life/death, right/wrong.

To create the image I photographed it on my patio, as I so often do, using my neutral wall as a backdrop. My hair was just dark enough against that gray color to isolate it and cut it out from the background to place it on one I photographed when I was in India a week or so ago. I started this shooting process by flinging my upper body forward with my hair to capture that portion. Afterwards, I began moving the dress behind me and capturing that movement.

Mind you, when I say “dress” I really mean “bed sheet”, as that is one of my favorite costumes. It is versatile, simple, and very inexpensive…my kind of costume! No matter how many dresses I buy, I always go back to different colored bed sheets as my favorite of all. There are so many possibilities with them!

Finally I knew that I needed a dust/dirt effect in my final image. I also knew that I needed to photograph something light for the dust on the dress and something dark for the dust on the hair. That was when I decided to photograph just one handful of “dust” – or in this case I used baking flour – and then invert the color when I needed to make it darker. By adding contrast to that shot, the background became darker while the flour became whiter, making it easier to isolate the flour from the background.

1. You may never be as talented as you wish you were. 

Always strive for more. If you reach a place of contentment, growth has stopped.

2. You deserve to FAIL.

Not just that you will fail, but you deserve to fail. Everyone has to fail to understand the sweetness of succeeding. So not only will you fail, but you should want to fail. Failure is how we measure success and how we gain perspective on the world.

3. You will be told NO more than YES.

Understand that every no is another way of getting to where you want to go, and perseverance is key. Hearing no is validation that you are doing something meaningful.

4. You are only as good as your weakest deed.

When you try to be the best version of yourself you gain a better vision of yourself. Think about the best person you can be, and then be that person as much as possible. Change and growth are always within our control. How you see the world and respond to it make you unique, and you can be better than you were before.

5. People WILL NOT like you.

No matter what you do or how kind you are or how great your intentions are, people will not like you. Good. Take it, let that digest, and tell the world you’re okay with that. Love yourself first, and more will follow. Never all, but you’ll have a great foundation of support and love. After all, the saying “You get what you give” is one of the truest I know.

I knew before leaving for this trip that I wanted to shoot a red dress in the dunes. So with that in mind, I packed only one outfit to wear and set out with that restraint (or rather, world of possibilities!) to play with. I had this idea for a few weeks and wasn’t entirely sure how to execute it, given that sand can be a bit tricky to work with, but I was open to this visually looking, perhaps, different than I anticipated…so long as the concept was still there.

I was with my husband so he helped me shoot myself laying on the sand dune against the horizon. I guided him into where he should be standing (or squatting, for a low angle), and I set the exposure, etc. I knew I had clouds to add in later so that wasn’t a problem, but photographing the rest of the sand was.

I was going to create more of a static wall by shooting the side of a dune and then try to photograph sand being thrown up into the air. I would then composite that together to create the illusion of sand falling down a wall. This seemed futile even as I was photographing it as I wondered how it would go together. But then my husband stepped into the sand and we both noticed how the sand created a natural wall with streams of sand running down it. I photographed that, and that is exactly what you see here.

The red of the dress I knew would be contrasted with the sand, but I also chose it for the unique symbolism the color red brings. It feels urgent and deathly to me if used in the right context, and here that seemed very appropriate. Falling sand has long been a symbol of time passing (need I quote from Days of our Lives?), and so I wanted to use that symbol in this image. The sand continues to fall down the wall into darkness, and our subject sits very close to the edge.

A question that comes up is wondering if she too will be consumed by the growing crag and if so, what her fate will be. I love creating images that ask more questions than they answer, and in this image, even I do not have all the answers. I know the questions being posed, and I have my own ideas based on how I’m feeling on different days.

That is the beauty of creating: to continually surprise yourself & always keep yourself reaching for answers to new questions. 

To be able to see your future self as the role model to look up to would be an interesting and truly incredible idea. Envision who you want to be. What would your perfect self behave like, create, give, experience, etc? That person, the potential YOU from the future, could very well be likened to a celebrity, or someone that we hold above ourselves as something to strive for.

I believe that life is far richer and more fulfilling when we understand who we want to be, and then try to become that person. Each part of life can be enhanced because of it, from our work to our personal relationships, to how we experience the world. If we identify our flaws and work to correct them in the future, everything we do will seem brighter.

When I look to my future I cannot help seeing my creative endeavors, whatever they might be. I am not looking at specifics, but simply the idea that I will always create, no matter what the medium. When I think about who I want to be when creating the works of the future, I want to be someone more inspired, more passionate, and with more fire than ever. I want to hold my future self higher than I ever have my current self. I want to paint my future in a positive light and make sure that I grow into the best person I can be.

Celebrity is something that has always been around but, arguably, has taken hold of culture in ways never seen before. It is based around the idea that there are people out there better than we are in some way, and so we look to those people as role models for our future. And absolutely, there are plenty of people out there who deserve that status. But why not try holding yourself up and looking to that person to be inspired.

Do something with me. Humor me for a few minutes today…

Write as though you ARE that future self. Write as though you are YOU, but 10 years from now. What three things would you tell your past self?

You will become content.
You will become self-less.
You will become less competitive.

I look up to my future self instead of someone else who I can never become, because after all, the best person you can ever hope to be is the best version of yourself.