Here is the thing about having a birthday. It makes you re-evaluate yourself on the most basic level and contemplate the way you exist. Well, maybe not for a 5-year-old, but certainly for my now-29-year-old-self. I’ve been looking forward to this number for a long time. When I was little I used to ask my grandmother how old she was, and she would always answer with 29. No matter how old she was, or when I asked, her answer was always “29”. From that young age I idolized Age 29. I thought it was the epitome of greatness. I thought, since it was the age she chose to be stuck at forever, that it would hold special magical powers.

Now that I’ve hit that milestone, I know it to be true. It does hold magical powers. The most magical of all. And it has nothing to do with the age. It has everything to do with my connection to myself, who I wan to be, and who I am. You see, my grandmother was the most special person to me. She was my best friend, my confidant, and the person I wanted to tell all my secrets to. I lost her when I was 13, and it was the most profoundly moving experience for me. And I thought, when she passed away, that when I’m 29 I will understand her.

And I think I do. I think I understand what it means to be me. And that is, in turn, understanding her. It is important. It is meaningful. It is what she would have wanted for me.

I spent my birthday with no expectations, and that is one of the biggest lessons I have learned. I have learned to stop expecting things from the world, and to begin expecting everything from myself. I am in control. I make goodness manifest in my life. I do not expect handouts from the world anymore. I woke up on my birthday and kissed my husband and cuddled my cats and I felt Home. I went to my studio and photographed an image I’ve been planning for 8 months, and I felt Alive. I was surprised by my best friend with balloons, and I felt Loved. I got a card from my parents and texts from my friends, and I felt Appreciated. I woke up at sunrise and watched the rays of the sun peak through the trees, turning the world from deep blue to golden yellow, and I felt Connected. I blew out the candles we put in my vegan cake, and I felt Magical.

What more can a person ask for? I’ve had great birthdays before, but always it was dependent on what others did for me, not what I did for myself. This year a shift has happened. I have accepted my responsibility. Maybe that is what it means to be grown – to be responsible for your own happiness.

I am blessed with many ambitious friends, many of whom are a bit older than myself, and for years I’ve heard their declarations of what they will have accomplished by age 30. I thought that when I entered the final year of my 20’s I would feel that urgency to produce, to be great, to be adored. But I find just the opposite. There is peace in knowing that presence in small moments, appreciation in small successes, and love for all things is more important than competition, achievement, and praise.

This past year I changed the way I work, the work I produce, and the way I live my life day to day. Everything has shifted for me. I began a yoga practice, making my health so much better. I was walking with a cane for months, and now, no more. I began a gratitude practice, and this has helped me better understand others and my own toxic thoughts. I have begun working more meaningfully, actively ridding myself of expectation, pressure, and competition.

I can see why my grandmother loved age 29, and I’m starting to think it wasn’t just because it sounded better than 30 to her. What a blessing to be able to see with such clarity, to appreciate yourself in your fullness, and to look forward with peaceful joy in all of life’s opportunities. I know that this feeling can be fleeting, that it might not be for everyone, and might come at different milestones for different people. But for the child in me that has waited all these years to meet my grandmother at 29, I welcome this moment and give her the hug I never got to when I was 13. 29 looks good on us.

Looking back at my images this year it is easy to pick out the ones that were better than others, or the ones that I wish I had never created. But that is so far beyond the point of why we create. We create not only to capture the best of the best, but to capture a fleeting moment, even if you are not capturing reality. I create in the moment, inspired by everything around me, desperate to translate my vision into an image. And when it is finished, and I’ve put distance between the picture and myself, I never regret what I have created. I see it as a timeless reminder of who I was and who I want to be. Learning from my mistakes and pressing on with more life.

Those four images above are the ones I am most proud of – visually, thematically – and they will have a special place in my portfolio for the 2014 year. But even more, they will carry on into new years as inspiration, a reminder of the direction I want to go in, and a measuring board against which all other images will be judged.

There are images in my portfolio that I don’t like as much, not for any fault but simply because I was having fun in the moment, didn’t spend as much time conceptually, and I feel they fell flat. But I love them all the same, how much I like them aside. They are part of me.

I created images that remind me of why I love to create. This one took me nearly a whole day to put together. My memory from this day is of spinning around the tree until I got sick with one of my best friends, absurdly wrapping nature in yarn, telling a tale. I will never forget that day.

I created images that remind me of the message I want to send, and inspire me to never let go of what makes me unique. We all have something so wonderful inside. It is a true shame to let it slip away, no matter how other people perceive that gift.

There are images that remind me of how grateful I am to create, and of the people who make that possible. The kind-hearted models who give their whole selves, the friends I’ve made along the way, and the people who have so much vision I am inspired by being in their presence.

Other images remind me of special days, days that were marked in time by which photo I took, and when. Images that show me more than what the pixels represent. This image was taken on my birthday last year. I felt peace and calm. I felt strong. I see that in this picture.

And finally, there are images that remind me of how far we are willing to go to achieve something more. Images that make me reach higher and strive for better, and want to give more to others. When I photographed this image I was on top of a 10,000 foot crater in Hawaii. It was below freezing and I was in a raining cloud. And it was one of the clearest, most soul-deepening moments of my life.

I wish everyone many more moments like that. I would love to see what moments meant the most to you, either through what you created or moments that enriched your life…because you never know when your moments will help someone else, too.

I pulled on my favorite white dress, snow boots and a coat and ran outside with my camera and tripod in hand. I didn’t think twice about what might be a “good idea” or not, I just did it. I wanted a picture in the snow and I didn’t know how long it would last. I wanted to savor that moment as much as I possibly could, recognizing it’s fleeting quality and wanting to be there, right there, logging it in my memory.

As I sit here, just an hour later, I am hit with the incredible metaphor this morning has been for this whole year I’ve just lived. In this last year I have taken strides to be a different person – a better person. I began 2014 with the simplest of goals: be kind, share love, appreciate more. Even the simplest goals have their difficult moments. This morning I slipped in the snow as my feet turned bright red from the cold and nearly dropped my camera in a puddle. But even so, it was worth it, whether a photo results or not. And that is what I learned from this year: It doesn’t matter if something works out in the end. All that matters is how hard we tried, how much we loved, and what story we write in the process.

I can’t help but look out my window and see the snow very much like a twist in a novel. It never snows here. This feels like a New Year’s miracle. And just as a novel might do, life has thrown in a twist of joy. Stories exist to excite our minds. Stories are life and imagination smashed together in a great dichotomy of wonder. And so, in this amazing world we live in, it is easy today to see how even the simplest stories create moments ripe for an amazing life, no matter how small, commonplace, or insignificant they seem.

As each year passes I realize more and more why I am who I am. I am a storyteller, and I want nothing more than to share the world with others in the way I see it. We each see so differently, and beautifully, and it is a shame not to share in those experiences. And so I tell stories, with a camera or with my words, and I hope each time a new one blooms that someone will want to be a part of it.

I have struggled through great life lessons this year. I have recognized my flaws and worked to fix them, knowing that once they are fixed new ones will appear. Life is funny like that. I have seen my impatience and have found peace. I have worked to see all people as equally important. I have embraced a mindset of love, for that is what connects one person to another: the desire for it, and the capacity to share it.

It is so very difficult to look back on this year and see anything tangible. I care so little, more and more, for those things which might traditionally define a person. An exhibition, a speaking event, even creating a new image; it all feels so small in relation to the bigger picture. For each and every endeavor that one can embark on, no matter how many accolades they might receive, can always be reduced to the simplest idea: what kind of story did you create from the experience?

And so I move into the new year with Story on my mind. New goals follow that pursuit, though I’ll leave that for a different blog post. For today, my story is about a girl who gazed in wonder at a scene powerful and moving, and as the snow whipped through the air and settled in her hair she realized that the greatest gift one can receive is that of presence. For in the moment, no matter how small, there are great stories to be told.

So, last year when I was booking my schedule for 2014, I thought “sure, why not book two trips a month…just eat healthier and suck it up!” It turned out to be a lot harder than I thought it would, physically and mentally, to always be traveling. I found myself looking up to my friend Lindsay Adler, as I do so often, and admiring her determination to keep going and “get it all done”…but as much as I’d love to be, I’m not the wonder woman that Lindsay is.

To Lindsay: You amaze me.

The things that I value are making sincere connections, creating art, and writing. And at a certain point, trying new things and growing your business has to take a back seat to what you love, because if it doesn’t, what you love might be something that gets put on the back burner. I don’t want to get distracted from the things that are truly near to my heart.

With all the traveling I’ve been doing, I haven’t been taking time to just stop and create. To plan whole days worth of shooting and editing and other such nonsense. I mean, that’s why I wanted to be a full time photographer in the first place. Freedom. The thrill of creating. And above all, living a happy life.

So all of these thoughts culminated in, truth be told, nothing very spectacular. My plates didn’t fall. They are still spinning, but I’ve taken time to do what I need to do. And I’ve taken steps to spin fewer plates in the future. Because even though that may result in a number of things: less money, fewer connections, less travel, etc…I will gain so much more. What I lose from one category I gain in another, and happiness cannot be measured against anything else.

When I was shooting recently at the sand dunes and I heard the quiet of sand rustling hurriedly down the slope and I saw the spectacular sunset (it screamed to me silently), I realized that this is what I need more of: the tranquility I feel when I am free to create. I had to decide what is important in my life, just as we all must do to find happiness. What do I want to be doing on an everyday basis? Well, for me, the answers are as basic as they come.

I want to be home more and cuddle with my kitties and play that Doctor Who video game with my husband.

I want to cook more delicious food from all of my vegan cookbooks.

I want to create ALL THE TIME.

I want to write and be able to do so without a shaky hand on a plane.

I want to be able to reach people through my blog, videos, and education.

And so then, once those objectives are laid out, they must be put into place. Simple or not, it must be done, because happiness is what I hold most dear.

So instead of privately putting on 15 workshops a year in all different cities, I’m going to start an online interactive workshop. Instead of trying to focus on 10 different projects, I’ve determined which are most important and I’ve resolved to work on them exclusively. I started saying no where I felt the decision was a “make or break” for my happiness.

And most of all, I had to be okay with letting the wind take me where it will. Like a leaf gently falling from a tree, I am content to see where life goes.

So, from a hopeful me that these new decisions will inspire others to take hold of happiness…and with arms spread wide open to new opportunities and the opportunities I will create for myself…

…I’m off for an adventure.

How are you making your life a happier one to live?