Looking back at my images this year it is easy to pick out the ones that were better than others, or the ones that I wish I had never created. But that is so far beyond the point of why we create. We create not only to capture the best of the best, but to capture a fleeting moment, even if you are not capturing reality. I create in the moment, inspired by everything around me, desperate to translate my vision into an image. And when it is finished, and I’ve put distance between the picture and myself, I never regret what I have created. I see it as a timeless reminder of who I was and who I want to be. Learning from my mistakes and pressing on with more life.

Those four images above are the ones I am most proud of – visually, thematically – and they will have a special place in my portfolio for the 2014 year. But even more, they will carry on into new years as inspiration, a reminder of the direction I want to go in, and a measuring board against which all other images will be judged.

There are images in my portfolio that I don’t like as much, not for any fault but simply because I was having fun in the moment, didn’t spend as much time conceptually, and I feel they fell flat. But I love them all the same, how much I like them aside. They are part of me.

I created images that remind me of why I love to create. This one took me nearly a whole day to put together. My memory from this day is of spinning around the tree until I got sick with one of my best friends, absurdly wrapping nature in yarn, telling a tale. I will never forget that day.

I created images that remind me of the message I want to send, and inspire me to never let go of what makes me unique. We all have something so wonderful inside. It is a true shame to let it slip away, no matter how other people perceive that gift.

There are images that remind me of how grateful I am to create, and of the people who make that possible. The kind-hearted models who give their whole selves, the friends I’ve made along the way, and the people who have so much vision I am inspired by being in their presence.

Other images remind me of special days, days that were marked in time by which photo I took, and when. Images that show me more than what the pixels represent. This image was taken on my birthday last year. I felt peace and calm. I felt strong. I see that in this picture.

And finally, there are images that remind me of how far we are willing to go to achieve something more. Images that make me reach higher and strive for better, and want to give more to others. When I photographed this image I was on top of a 10,000 foot crater in Hawaii. It was below freezing and I was in a raining cloud. And it was one of the clearest, most soul-deepening moments of my life.

I wish everyone many more moments like that. I would love to see what moments meant the most to you, either through what you created or moments that enriched your life…because you never know when your moments will help someone else, too.

When I was little I told my dad I wanted to be a writer, and he let me write.

When I was little I wanted to make movies in Hollywood, and my parents showed me how to apply to film school.

When I was little I thought I’d try photography, and so I took some creepy pictures of myself in my bedroom.

When I was little I wanted to be a fairytale character, so I got some cheap dresses, dyed my hair red, and pranced around in a forest.

When I was little I decided I wanted to be one with nature, so I made myself into a tree.

When I grow up I want to be little, because when you’re little you believe that everything is possible.

When I grow up I want to live my dreams and always believe they can be real.

When I grow up I want to play make-believe every day and imagine myself as the main character in wonderful stories.

When I grow up I want my childhood values to follow me everywhere I go.

When I grow up I’ll see the world and color it with my vision of beauty.

Right now I am little and I am grown, I am nothing without my imagination and everything because of it. I am moving forward and looking back and taking my life experiences everywhere I go. I am the creator of my own little world, the character in the story of my life, and I remember the little girl who wanted to be a writer and a filmmaker and a storyteller and I remember the grown up who wanted to be a photographer and an educator and I say thank you. Thank you to little me for dreaming and to my parents for encouraging and to grown up me for listening.

We are what we believe we are.
What are you?

So, what has all of that been for? The best thing ever.

This week I let my mind be free. I let myself stop worrying so much. I’m not even one to worry all that much, if truth be told. But when stresses pile up, my mind gets clogged. I count myself so fortunate that I wake up each morning with the sun and tell myself quietly that I have control over the decisions I make. I’ve been doing that not just in the mornings lately, but any time I feel a bit of stress or anxiety. I stop myself and simply say: “You are in control.”

This week I took two pictures that speak to me perhaps more than any others in my portfolio. I spent time conceptualizing them and working out the kinks and figuring out exactly what they mean to me, and why I should be the one to create them. When all of that thinking was finished, I waited some more. I waited until the moment felt right and my creativity was ready to sore. The images here are 100% zooms/crops of those pictures which I will be releasing over the next couple weeks.

So this week I created. I brought my dreams to life. I got back to my “creepy” side and embraced it. I went dark and sad and above all, or at least in my mind, beautiful. I created what I feel is the work that I want to move towards. I created two images that were both out of my comfort zone in some way yet still maintaining what I love about creating. And the results stretched me and pushed me and made me giggle with excitement.

I’m not saying this because I think that they are the best pictures in the world (oh gosh no) or the best I’ll ever do (we’re always growing), but for right now, and so far in my journey, I feel like I just hit a turning point.

Sometimes self-reflection and asking yourself hard questions can lead to the most amazing, beautiful, breathtaking answers. And sometimes, if we channel those answers into physical form, you create something that you can look at and know is the culmination of hard work.

So even if no one ever responds to those two images, or if people hate them, or if they are simply not to anyone’s taste…I’m perfectly okay with that. I create from my heart and soul and that is what those images are to me.

My insides out. My stories told. My imagination expanded.

 When do you create your best work?

What is your state of mind?

So, last year when I was booking my schedule for 2014, I thought “sure, why not book two trips a month…just eat healthier and suck it up!” It turned out to be a lot harder than I thought it would, physically and mentally, to always be traveling. I found myself looking up to my friend Lindsay Adler, as I do so often, and admiring her determination to keep going and “get it all done”…but as much as I’d love to be, I’m not the wonder woman that Lindsay is.

To Lindsay: You amaze me.

The things that I value are making sincere connections, creating art, and writing. And at a certain point, trying new things and growing your business has to take a back seat to what you love, because if it doesn’t, what you love might be something that gets put on the back burner. I don’t want to get distracted from the things that are truly near to my heart.

With all the traveling I’ve been doing, I haven’t been taking time to just stop and create. To plan whole days worth of shooting and editing and other such nonsense. I mean, that’s why I wanted to be a full time photographer in the first place. Freedom. The thrill of creating. And above all, living a happy life.

So all of these thoughts culminated in, truth be told, nothing very spectacular. My plates didn’t fall. They are still spinning, but I’ve taken time to do what I need to do. And I’ve taken steps to spin fewer plates in the future. Because even though that may result in a number of things: less money, fewer connections, less travel, etc…I will gain so much more. What I lose from one category I gain in another, and happiness cannot be measured against anything else.

When I was shooting recently at the sand dunes and I heard the quiet of sand rustling hurriedly down the slope and I saw the spectacular sunset (it screamed to me silently), I realized that this is what I need more of: the tranquility I feel when I am free to create. I had to decide what is important in my life, just as we all must do to find happiness. What do I want to be doing on an everyday basis? Well, for me, the answers are as basic as they come.

I want to be home more and cuddle with my kitties and play that Doctor Who video game with my husband.

I want to cook more delicious food from all of my vegan cookbooks.

I want to create ALL THE TIME.

I want to write and be able to do so without a shaky hand on a plane.

I want to be able to reach people through my blog, videos, and education.

And so then, once those objectives are laid out, they must be put into place. Simple or not, it must be done, because happiness is what I hold most dear.

So instead of privately putting on 15 workshops a year in all different cities, I’m going to start an online interactive workshop. Instead of trying to focus on 10 different projects, I’ve determined which are most important and I’ve resolved to work on them exclusively. I started saying no where I felt the decision was a “make or break” for my happiness.

And most of all, I had to be okay with letting the wind take me where it will. Like a leaf gently falling from a tree, I am content to see where life goes.

So, from a hopeful me that these new decisions will inspire others to take hold of happiness…and with arms spread wide open to new opportunities and the opportunities I will create for myself…

…I’m off for an adventure.

How are you making your life a happier one to live? 

The other day I walked through a sunny spot in my kitchen and was momentarily blinded by the bright light. When I turned back around I saw that hundreds thousands millions of little dust particles were lit afire by the sun rays, and the photographer in me said: PHOTOGRAPH IT!

So I asked my husband to hold up my blue cloak as a backdrop and I photographed the dust particles against that dark backdrop. In doing so, it looked immediately to me like snow, so I took that image into Photoshop, made it black and white, added contrast, and boom! Snow overlay! I couldn’t help but share that with you today.

That prompted me to start seeing little things in new ways. Those dust particles weren’t just dust particles; they had the opportunity to become snow to add magic to an image in the future. So many things could be so much more if we learned to see them for what they could be, instead of what they are immediately.

I hope that you enjoy this free texture pack that I shot during the making of this new video! All of the textures, save the “snow”, are rocks. There are 11 textures in all including the snow overlay, and I really hope that you enjoy them! They are free to use and if you feel so inclined, you can use the hashtag #shadentextures so that others may find these more easily.

I hope you have an inspired week and that you find all sorts of hidden beauties in the unlikeliest of places!