I didn’t understand why we had to perpetuate that stereotype of a certain kind of beauty and why so many didn’t speak up when it came to sharing their own uniqueness.

When I started taking self-portraits I lied to myself and said that I only made arms skinnier for a more streamlined look, because the image would be stronger if the lines were straighter.

When I began erasing the pimples from my back and face I said it was for a smoother finish, because pictures look better without all that clutter.

What starts as a few spots can turn into an airbrushed disease and we start looking at certain pictures and thinking, wow, I look pretty good there.

And then the pictures come out of the camera and we started to wonder who the real me is, the one I put online or the one I see in the mirror, and we wonder if that matters.

And when I realized that time would pass and I would age and I would only have false advertisements to look back on, how would that make me feel? My aged face and withered body reminiscing of a time when I looked so much better.

When in reality I never did look that good, or, if we’re speaking truthfully, “that good” is just a myth. There is no good or bad that we can capture with a camera, or Photoshop into pure perfection.

There is only the truth that we spread through the world, hoping that someone will notice the beauty that we all possess. And so we edit and tuck and nip and cover until we think we’ve achieved the best us we can.

And when someone says “you look beautiful” you’re not sure if you should believe them but you do, and you hide from the responsibility that we all have not just as artists but as people, as free thinkers who are powerful enough to change what beauty is.

Beauty is not a lack of wrinkles or clean and clear face, nor is it the long legged beauty you marvel at in your college class, or the beautiful golden hair that catches your eye on the sidewalk.

That perfection of beauty cannot be captured with a camera but is instead painted from within.

Every single day, we pass by beauty and don’t even realize it. We walk next to beautiful people, amazing individuals, who shine brighter than anyone who puts emphasis on the physical or the vapid or the shallow.

We stand next to people who could change the world, and who do change the world. We walk by people who have no idea how beautiful they are or the incredible self-worth they possess.

We find ourselves marveling at the wrong things, wondering why our visions of ourselves don’t match the real versions of ourselves.

We can change that indefinitely. We are powerful beyond measure. We are built to change our world. We are as beautiful as we believe we are. No exceptions, no limits, no boundaries.

Do not hide from your beauty. Do not let someone take it from you. Do not change yourself to become someone else’s ideal. Do not take a vow of silence about what matters most because you are a piece of art, and you should be seen by the world.

When an artist skips the question of WHY, it becomes difficult to answer any of the other questions. For at the heart of our journey is why we are walking, and when one no longer knows why they are walking, they tend to stop. Such is the reality of creating art. We walk and walk and walk, fueled on by passion and in turn, inspire ourselves. But when we forget why we create in the first place, the rest falls apart, too.

I recently took a journey through my portfolio, from day one until now. I like to do this a few times a year to keep myself on track, show myself the progress I’ve made, and equally to show myself how far I still have to go (eternity). While I was going through my works I remembered, suddenly and happily, why I create. It isn’t to hear other people’s reactions. It isn’t to hear a shutter click or to have fun frolicking in the woods. Those also come after the real reason why I create.

I create to find beauty in darkness, to shed light on the life of death; to pursue my own vision of the world and project that, as strange as it may be. I am in love with creating because I am in love with my imagination. I care so little about cameras and lights and technology, but I care infinitely for my ability to astound myself.

We all have the opportunity to be amazed by what we do. It doesn’t have to be the finished product that we love, or even the process of doing it. For me, it is the simplicity of being able to create. It is knowing that I have the power to express myself, change myself, and grow. It is knowing I have the power to, possibly, do the same for someone else. I have a voice and a message and a way of relaying that message to the world.

My art is an extension of myself, a third hand that serves my thoughts and dreams to the world. It is dark and I happily use the word creepy, yet it can also be whimsical and sad and surreal. These words do not define the process, simply the end result. What we are is more than what everyone sees when the process is complete.

We are amazingly powerful.

My life centers around believing that impossibilities are simply undiscovered possibilities, and I have the power to find them.

I photographed this snow scene on creativeLIVE, so if you are interested in seeing how it was photographed or more of the editing process in slower motion, you can check that out here. My goal was simple: create a fantasy world that has more meaning and beauty in it than what I saw in front of me. I was confronted with an abandoned room. It was beautiful in it’s own right – peeling paint and debris all over the floor. But for me, it was missing that magic spark.

We threw paper bits and fake snow all around. We covered the floor in flour. I dressed the model in my favorite cloak to finish her fairytale makeover, and then I shot a couple different setups until I felt like I had achieved the feeling in my imagination.

Wonder. Darkness. Beauty. Fantasy.

Everyone has the ability to create a unique reality through art. It may be that your perfect reality is the one you live in and so you capture life as you see it. Or perhaps you’re on the other end of that spectrum and create surrealistic scenes. Either way, we can create our own magic, and it is never further away than our imaginations.

How do you create your own magic?

So, what has all of that been for? The best thing ever.

This week I let my mind be free. I let myself stop worrying so much. I’m not even one to worry all that much, if truth be told. But when stresses pile up, my mind gets clogged. I count myself so fortunate that I wake up each morning with the sun and tell myself quietly that I have control over the decisions I make. I’ve been doing that not just in the mornings lately, but any time I feel a bit of stress or anxiety. I stop myself and simply say: “You are in control.”

This week I took two pictures that speak to me perhaps more than any others in my portfolio. I spent time conceptualizing them and working out the kinks and figuring out exactly what they mean to me, and why I should be the one to create them. When all of that thinking was finished, I waited some more. I waited until the moment felt right and my creativity was ready to sore. The images here are 100% zooms/crops of those pictures which I will be releasing over the next couple weeks.

So this week I created. I brought my dreams to life. I got back to my “creepy” side and embraced it. I went dark and sad and above all, or at least in my mind, beautiful. I created what I feel is the work that I want to move towards. I created two images that were both out of my comfort zone in some way yet still maintaining what I love about creating. And the results stretched me and pushed me and made me giggle with excitement.

I’m not saying this because I think that they are the best pictures in the world (oh gosh no) or the best I’ll ever do (we’re always growing), but for right now, and so far in my journey, I feel like I just hit a turning point.

Sometimes self-reflection and asking yourself hard questions can lead to the most amazing, beautiful, breathtaking answers. And sometimes, if we channel those answers into physical form, you create something that you can look at and know is the culmination of hard work.

So even if no one ever responds to those two images, or if people hate them, or if they are simply not to anyone’s taste…I’m perfectly okay with that. I create from my heart and soul and that is what those images are to me.

My insides out. My stories told. My imagination expanded.

 When do you create your best work?

What is your state of mind?

The other day I walked through a sunny spot in my kitchen and was momentarily blinded by the bright light. When I turned back around I saw that hundreds thousands millions of little dust particles were lit afire by the sun rays, and the photographer in me said: PHOTOGRAPH IT!

So I asked my husband to hold up my blue cloak as a backdrop and I photographed the dust particles against that dark backdrop. In doing so, it looked immediately to me like snow, so I took that image into Photoshop, made it black and white, added contrast, and boom! Snow overlay! I couldn’t help but share that with you today.

That prompted me to start seeing little things in new ways. Those dust particles weren’t just dust particles; they had the opportunity to become snow to add magic to an image in the future. So many things could be so much more if we learned to see them for what they could be, instead of what they are immediately.

I hope that you enjoy this free texture pack that I shot during the making of this new video! All of the textures, save the “snow”, are rocks. There are 11 textures in all including the snow overlay, and I really hope that you enjoy them! They are free to use and if you feel so inclined, you can use the hashtag #shadentextures so that others may find these more easily.

I hope you have an inspired week and that you find all sorts of hidden beauties in the unlikeliest of places!

For these reasons, I am starting a project entitled “I AM ME” which makes the very clear statement that we should be proud of who we are no matter our differences. The most powerful message of self-acceptance must come from within, and if at all possible, that message should be spread far and wide.

What I ask of you is this: Create a self-portrait. It does not have to be personal, or it can be the most personal thing you have ever photographed. It does not have to be traditional, but must feature you (or part of you) in some way. Along with your self-portrait, I want you to finish this sentence with one word: “I am ________”. 

In the comments of this blog post I want you to share your self portrait by pasting a link and writing the sentence “I am _________”. The deadline is March 15.

It can be incredibly scary. It might be less scary than you think. It might be very difficult to push past how you see yourself to see the truth: your physical beauty is irrelevant. By not seeing yourself for the person you are (a beautiful and unique individual), you buy into the idea that there is a universal standard of beauty.

Let’s not. Let’s do something to change it. Let’s decide, all together, right now, that we can be the main character in our stories. I sincerely hope you’ll join me on this.