To put it simpler: They are beginnings. They are life. They are rebirth.

This end of another year does not symbolize the end of one thing as much as it does the beginning of another. And with all beginnings, it is best to start fresh with some introspection and self-love. It is best to move forward with yourself on your side, because too many of us play for another team. It is best to begin anew with dreams and hopes, and to put our losses to rest.

We have learned together and grown together. We have journeyed long and far and have discovered parts of ourselves we never knew existed. We challenged ourselves and pushed and pulled from others, and did our best to be the best, or at least the best we can hope for within ourselves. That is why I love you all. Accountability, friendship, and love.

I feel so fortunate to close this year out having learned about myself and about others. I have seriously redefined my goals in life. I am no longer satisfied with being a photographer. I want to make a real difference, and so a single word cannot capture what I hope to be. I want to be inspired by all things, naturally and beautifully, as it can be. I want to find my voice so that I may raise it up and stand for something bigger than my own vision. I want to give my imagination legs to stand on, and then wings to soar upon, that I may see the world from a cloud that I built with my own two hands.

As I looked back at this year, I found that the things I did, the “successes” and “failures”, were hardly a thought in my mind. I found it difficult to remember the traveling I did, or the pictures I created, so much as I could remember the lessons I learned while doing those things. Life is so often not about the things we do, but how we choose to look back on them. How they impact us in the future.

1. Give yourself a gift EVERY DAY.

   You are so much more worthy than you know. You are impactful and bright and you can change lives; the first life you should change is your own. Recognize your impact, your wants, your needs. Recognize your capacity for change, and then exact that change. Give yourself something every day that symbolizes that control you have over your world. Wake up to watch the sunrise. Treat yourself to a cookie. Write yourself a card and hide it. Go see a movie. Eat well. Smile at random. Count your successes, no matter how small. And above all, remember how worthy your own happiness is.

2. Forgive yourself before it is too late.

   We want to be better. We want to succeed. We want to push past our barriers. And sometimes, despite our best efforts, we simply do not manage everything we hope for. In those times, forgive yourself before it becomes too hard to do. I had my fair share of lazy days. Days when I watched TV all day. Days when I didn’t want to leave the house, or talk to anyone. Days when I felt inferior to other people, days when I didn’t think I could compete, and days when I just needed a rest. And I realized this year that it’s okay to not be the person you are aiming to be. Everyone needs to recharge and reset. It is okay to take a step back from that hustle and just exist. Forgive yourself now before guilt comes knocking. Let yourself be happy. Take breaks. Be free.

   3. You are a work-in-progress, yet you already possess the tools you  need.

   Two things happen all-too-often, perhaps due to our nature. One is that we constantly feel the need to be better, and the other is that we doubt our ability to do so. Remember this: no one expects you to be perfect. You are usually your own worst critic. Be okay with being something less than perfect – that is always more interesting anyway. Live through your flaws. Identify them. Try to grow. And remember, in the midst of those growing pains, that you do have the ability to fix yourself. You have all the tools you need. No one can give them to you. You simply have to search deeper.

   4. You have a gift to give the world – do not keep it to yourself.

   A great friend once told me, when I was refusing to release a picture about 5 years ago, that I have a gift to give the world and not sharing it was to keep that gift to myself. I rolled my eyes. I thought she was being ridiculous – after all, I’m not some crazy narcissistic person who thinks my art is so great. But you know what – she was right. And she wasn’t just talking about me. She was talking about everyone. Every single person has a gift to give the world. It might not be a gift for every single person, but consider this hugely important idea: When you give a piece of yourself, there is someone out there who needs to receive it, and they often will. You never know how you will positively impact someone’s life, so do not keep your gifts to yourself. They are too precious to be hidden away. Embrace them. Know your quirks. Reveal them. Share them openly. Be generous.

   We are cracked. We are flawed. We are full of power and energy that we cannot begin to know. We can only hope to search for it, to embrace pieces of it, and to use it to unlock our passion.

The problem is not that we have hopes and dreams, it is that we measure those hopes and dreams against how someone else has defined success. And the funny thing is, that definition will always change. We will agree with some people and disagree with others. We will form our own opinions and those opinions will change. We constantly chase those new definitions, and we constantly change them.

What if we stopped thinking about success at all? What if we took that out of the equation? That is a very difficult thing to do in the society we live in. People are constantly flaunting their success on the internet. Magazines feature the “most beautiful people” on their covers. We watch reality TV shows and wonder why our lives aren’t so amazing. We constantly compare, and at the heart of those comparisons is the basic question: Who is more successful? Me or them?

Who cares about success? When all is said and done, and we’ve gone to our graves, no one cares about how much money you had, or how famous you were, or anything else for that matter. You are the only one living life every single day, every single moment, with yourself. You are your best ally and friend. You are the one who is going to get up in the morning, try hard, and go to sleep at night. So erase the word “success” from your vocabulary and try replacing it with something more productive: happiness, for example. Or love. Or meaning. Or…Anything at all.

Because we don’t have the time to waste on thinking about something so intangible and destructive. Success is a word that inherently means competition and comparison. The only reason we understand how to measure success in society is because we are fed a daily dose of news about who is successful and who is not, and we are taught to judge those people based on that. From there we are taught to be those people, and to strive for more, and to allow success to define who we are.

Focus on bliss.

Follow your bliss, as Joseph Campbell would say.

Find what it is that makes you whole, and become that.
Chase it.
Let it fill you.

“He did each thing as if he did nothing else.”

We live in a world built on pressures; the pressure to be successful, the pressure to be happy, the pressure to be someone great. We are taught, not necessarily by our parents but certainly by other influences, that we both need to reach higher yet stay in our place. We are taught to get a stable job and work for the promotion. We are taught to seek someone wonderful to marry so that we may find stability. We are taught that we should have dreams, yet work for the good of the team. And indeed, each of these things can be individually rewarding. Yet the lessons we are taught by those who influence us, especially as we grow, are very often contradictory.

Instead of being taught to dream big and do what we need to do to achieve that dream, we are taught to dream realistically. Instead of being told that we can be great, we are told to try and be great while staying inside the confines of what is socially acceptable. Each of these paradigms is what ultimately holds so many people back from doing what they love or defining happiness for themselves.

Part of the problem is how widespread we are as individuals. We do what we think we need to do to serve others, and in doing so, very often, forget to serve ourselves. We please our parents and we please our friends and we take care of children and we help our boss, yet behind all of that is a sense of self. We are taught that we must please those higher up than ourselves, that we must obey our parents, that we must, must, must. And behind all of those “musts” is what we need to nourish our souls.

“He did each thing as if he did nothing else.” I think this quote is so powerful for two reasons. One is of presence. To be present is to perform each task as if it were the only one; to get rid of distractions and embrace a life in the now. The other reason why I love the words so much is what it implies about the man himself. In order to do each thing at such a level, one must place value on the self so as to see value in doing anything at all.

I do not believe that this quote indicates he did everything better than other people, but instead that he placed value in each thing that he did and was engaged enough to focus his energy into them. So much of our problem today lies in two places: distractions and self-doubt. We doubt ourselves because we are told to, whether directly or unintentionally. Take going to school for art. If you are someone who has done this, it is very likely someone along the way told you how impractical that would be. In my case it was deciding to be a photographer. I had no training and no idea of how to run a business, but my heart was set on it. And as a result opinions came out of the woodwork, and I was told of how practical I needed to be.

“People don’t make money selling art. You need a backup plan.”

These words are commonly spoken and meant to be caring most of the time. Yet at the same time, they inadvertently tell the person to whom they are spoken that they are not good enough, will not succeed, and should not try. With messages like this floating around everywhere, self-doubt is a disease that plagues many, and understandably so.

What if we could channel some of that Charles Dickens magic and create a world for ourselves where we did each thing as if we did nothing else? What if we made decisions that could change our lives, and do change our lives, and we lived them as though nothing else mattered? To be present, to get rid of distractions, to believe you are worthy of pursuing such goals…that is the ultimate in finding your voice and finding a story for your life.

How can we get rid of the doubt and the anxiety and the distractions? Two simple ideas: The first is that few people care about you as much as you care about yourself, and the people who might care more are the people who will try to keep you safe. You need to take risks. You need to do something scary. And those who love us most will often hold us back, in the kindest way possible and for the very best reasons. Yet we need not listen. We must move forward. The second thing to realize is that you are the only one making decisions in your life. If we place the blame on other people for offering their opinions, we are living life in the shadow of someone else. A journey in the shadow of another is a very dark road.

Every single person has an incredible, unique story and vision. That story needs to be told, and that vision expressed, and to do so is to empower others to do the same. Dream big and dream often. Find your voice and share it. Tell the story of your life through your own words. And next time you take a leap and do something important, do it as if you did nothing else. Do it wholly, with confidence and pride, and do it with love…for yourself, as much as others.

**Image by my friend Seth Cashman, who is as kind and true as he is talented.**

What are yours?

Do not beat yourself up for the areas you are lacking, but instead identify them and draw up a game plan to fix them.

I’ve got some major flaws. One is my disorganization. Another is my forgetfulness. I am sensitive and I’m scared…and I could go on and on. But having weaknesses does not make a person weak. Identifying what those weaknesses are makes one strong, and figuring out how to change your weaknesses can make you invincible.

If you are honest with yourself, no one can tell you something that you don’t already know. Think about how powerful that is! So this week, find the strength in your weakness. Figure out how to take control of your life. And celebrate what makes you awesome…because you are.

But then I got older, and I thought a lot more about what it means to truly be a leader. It doesn’t mean that you have people following your every move, or that you speak in front of big groups of people, or that you make epic speeches like in the movies. It is a solidarity with oneself, a resolve to do what makes your heart sing, and the confidence to move forward without following someone’s footsteps.

We are all leaders and we are all followers. What matters most is not whether you are predominantly one or the other, but if you are leading yourself. The rest will follow.

How often, in your own life, do you choose the road less traveled? How often do you give yourself permission to go where no one has gone before, or to do something out of your comfort zone. It is easier to follow because it is safe. We find security in knowing that someone else has been through what we will go through. Yet someone had to be first. Everything starts with something. Don’t live your life with someone else’s decisions.

Take hold of what is dear to you. Lead yourself through the unknown and trust in your instincts. Know that you have the power to pull yourself up should you fall, the ingenuity to break new ground, and the love of self to know it is worth it. The greatest things in this world are achieved through personal exploration. Do what you love because you love it. Don’t search the internet for an instruction manual. If you should fall, you will get back up. Falling is not failing, it is a lesson learned on the way to success.

Move bravely on your journey, and you may soon find others following in your footsteps.

And, perhaps, it is thankfulness that allows the happiness meter to teeter from one side to another – the idea that we can be grateful for everything we have, or might have, or will never have. The idea that we can be grateful for the decisions we are able to make. The idea that we can be grateful no matter what life throws in our way. We have control over how we see the world and how we treat the things in our world. And we can control how we react and act and give back to the world.

All of this culminates in one very moving thought:

HAPPINESS IS A DREAM THAT WE MUST CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IN.

Think about how often we search for a THING that will make us happy, be it money or a house or a lover or an adventure. Yet those things, while they are amazing, are not wholly what creates happiness in us. Therefore happiness is not something that we either have or do not have based on what we possess; it comes to us as freely as the wind in our hair or snow flakes on our lips. It is ours to take at any moment, despite our circumstance and status. It is there always, beckoning us if we choose to hear it.

We have great power in the world and even greater power within ourselves. We can choose happiness, and that is something I do now and always. I do not let happiness become something I am searching for because it is already here, found, and locked inside my mind like a most beautiful memory: even when it fades, it still has a place that will never be lost, and can always be found again.

I am happy because I understand what happiness is to me. I understand that it is something that I need not search for but see all around me. It is inside me. It is the way I see the world and react to the world and contribute to the world. It is waking up every morning to see the sun rise and saying hello to a beautiful day because it is a beautiful day, and a beautiful life.

It is saying hello to life, greeting Her with a smile, and understanding that we have the power to exist passionately.

I’ve been counting the months until I would be able to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Oh yes, I adore Harry Potter…more than you are understanding right now. So when I got the chance to give a lecture in Florida, I immediately resolved that I would be going to visit the Harry Potter theme park. It was Tuesday. I woke up in a flurry of excitement very much like I used to do as a child on the summer day when I would get to go to Hershey Park (my local theme park) once a year. I put on my best magical wardrobe that I had traveled with (completely with fairytale white dress, TARDIS knee socks, a cloak, and pigtails) and headed out the door.

When we started walking up to the park, I realized that I had forgotten my camera. I felt heartbroken! I wanted so badly to capture the magic of the day. We didn’t even have cell phones with us. So it was decided that when we got into the park, despite it being far overpriced, we would buy two disposable cameras. I hadn’t used one in about 7 years, and holding it in my hand felt magical somehow, as though I had stepped back in time to when that was normal. I loved not being able to see the pictures I was taking. I loved not worrying about camera settings. I just took pictures of everything that made me happy, silly or not, and I was completely content.

I got many knowing winks and nods and shouts from people who recognized my Doctor Who socks and even waited in line with someone I went to college with, all the while approaching the wand shop (my favorite thing). When I finally got to go inside there was a demonstration of how to use a wand, and myself and my sister-in-law were chosen to demonstrate the feat. I was over the moon. I was smiling ear to ear and couldn’t believe that I had been chosen. Yes, chosen. Don’t hate.

After my wand chose me and I got to perform a spell in front of the crowd I hurriedly moved into the wand shop to purchase my pride and joy…a tourist trap, perhaps, but completely worth the money spent. To feel like a child. To feel magical. To feel powerful. To believe in make-believe. A wand is just a stick in the wrong hands, as so many things in life are. Any situation can be turned negative or positive. Any part of life can be seen with magic or without, and it is up to us to decide which side we are on: the side of magic, or not.

The pictures I took with my disposable camera show the happiest of memories. I was beaming all day long and still am, thinking of how in control I felt over my happiness. I truly felt as though I let the magic in me shine.

Only about two hours later did I find my phone in my back pocket, waterlogged and dead and never turning back on. At first I groaned.

“Ugh I need to get a new phone…”

“Ugh I’m about to get on a plane to New York City in 3 hours…”

“Ugh this is a hassle…”

And then, literally moments later, I shrugged. I didn’t care. It is a PHONE. It is not the end of the world.

I laughed about it. I had just drowned my phone in a cesspool…that is kind of funny, right? And it is SO me! Of course I did that. Why haven’t I done it sooner?

And so, aside from the worry of trying to let my husband know that I was safe and sound on my travels, I had not a care in the world. I actually felt relief. As I was sitting on the plane that night it felt so amazing to know that I didn’t have to communicate in that way. I could stand in front of the people I was with and have no distractions whatsoever. I could be completely present in the moment, not thinking about sending a text or calling anyone or looking that thing up that I’ve been debating on the internet.

I spent 24 hours in NYC with no distractions.

I spent the next week at home with no distractions.

I have always hated technology in some capacity. I am a technophobe. I love having a phone to call my family, and I recognize that I need to work when I travel since I travel so much, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy it.

This experience made me decide to spent more time hiding my phone away – not answering calls and feeling frantic about the next email that will come through. You don’t have to drown your phone in a cesspool to feel free and disconnected. It is a way of life. It is a gift that you can give yourself at any time.

Look at those pictures from the cesspool shoot. I could, literally, not be a happier person. I would drown my phone again one hundred times if it meant I could relive that experience for the sheer joy that I felt doing it. I’m not afraid to say it…I love wading in filthy water to get a picture. I love the adventure of it. And that’s just me: phone in back pocket, filled with the dirtiest water you can imagine, and a smile sweeping across my face so big it could last a lifetime.

How do you feel about your phone, or being constantly connected?