I’m in the process of moving, so I’ve gone through each room in my house to see what stays and what goes. After all, moving will be much easier if I know that I actually want everything that I’m packing. Somewhere between lamenting over old photographs and packing a suitcase of old clothes for Goodwill, I realized the metaphor in the process of “out with the old, in with the new”. One might argue that I am a chronic metaphor-er. I see them everywhere and I revel in deep thinking about seemingly mundane things.

This one really stuck, though. What if, I thought, we treated the chapters in our life like moving from one house to another. What if we only brought along the best parts of ourselves and left the rest behind?

Chances are, if you are a passionate person desiring to live life as fully as possible, your chapters come and go very quickly. You find something you want out of life and you go for it…and then something new appears. My life shifts constantly. I attribute this constant shifting to my desire for a stationary and calm existence outside of my passions. I love being home, having routine and being able to settle. My brain, however, is constantly working. I never stick with one passion flow for very long. I amble from one photograph to the next. I want to make films and the next day I start writing a book. I love an active brain.

If that is you, or if you can stick this metaphor out, I think it can really help.

Imagine you are cleaning out a room in your home. You have 3 piles: Stay, Go, Unsure. We all have the unsure pile, don’t lie! What if right now you looked at your life critically. What activities do you pursue, what does your career look like, how are your relationships, etc.? Start to think about each piece of your life as an object you can put into a pile.

If you come across something in your life that you know is toxic, put it in the GO pile. If you cherish something in your life, put it in the STAY pile. If you are unsure about something, ask yourself if it serves you and your ultimate life goals…and then categorize it. No indecisiveness. Gut reactions.

Sometimes we realize certain people don’t serve us, or a career pursuit isn’t turning out to be what we had hoped, or even that the things we surround ourselves with don’t bring us joy.

Sometimes we realize that things we didn’t put a lot of emphasis on are actually more helpful than we realized, or that a certain passion deserves more attention.

Life evolves so beautifully. We can enact change whenever we want to. Let this article serve as a shifting moment. Start to categorize your life and start making piles. You may even pull out note cards or post-its to write on so that you can physically move them into piles.

I’ve done this exercise myself and wanted to share it here so you can see exactly how I put this into effect. I used YELLOW post-its for STAY, RED post-its for GO, BLUE post-its for ADD (meaning I want it to become a yellow post-it! They are things I don’t do enough of and want to do more of).

My list could easily continue…

STAY: Retreats, Promoting Passion Convention, inspiring video games, mentoring sessions, nonprofit work, yoga…

ADD: Discovering new places, creating a new fine art series, trying new techniques, regular poetry writing, talking to strangers, making a documentary…

GO: Frequent interviews, wasted free time, driving when walking would suffice, fear of social engagements…

Try this exercise out and let me know if you find it helpful. For me, even though a lot of this is something I know instinctively, it helps to see it written out. I look at my red post-its and I actively remember to do away with those things that don’t serve me anymore. I see the yellow post-its and I feel good about decisions I’ve made. I see the blue post-its and I am motivated to do more with my life.

Tell me, what are you STAY, GO and ADD lists?

Did you find this exercise to be helpful? Share below!

I have made some active changes, like walking to the grocery store instead of driving,
filming more of my creative process, and reading 50 pages of fiction every day!

I did some purging, like scraping away old Facebook groups and making a donation pile of gear.

For my STAY list, I made some changes, too! I added a SPEAKING page to my website so that my
motivational speaking services are actively promoted. Hoorah for taking control!

Moving on…It felt like an apt title for this post since this is video #99, and I am aiming for 100. It is right around the corner, so I’ve had to think long and hard about if I want to continue creating videos or if I need to move on to something else. I’ll elaborate more on that in my 100th video, but for now suffice it to say, I’ll have to slow down a little bit, but not entirely. It isn’t just nearing home plate of my Promoting Passion video series that has me thinking about this topic. It is also the end of the year and start of a new one, as well as a couple memorable moments I’ve had in recent times.

One big thing that happening was that I had my work critiqued at a portfolio review. I’ve never done anything like that before and have never truly had the chance for someone to give me honest and raw feedback about what I do. I went in with almost no expectations and no questions. I was very simply: curious. I had a couple glowing reviews and a couple not so glowing reviews, and one downright bad review. And as we are prone to doing, I focused on the one that hurt the most. At least for a little while. I let it drag me down for a day. I let it really get to me. I let it infiltrate my usual standard of happy and confident. And that was when I decided I had to make a commitment to move on.

I took advice from that review that is invaluable to me. I am applying it to my new 2016 business model (oh yes, I have a 2016 business model. watch out.). But I can’t dwell on it unnecessarily. I think it takes a well trained person to do away with hurtful negativity. That review was filled with both – the hurtful kind and the helpful kind, and it isn’t up to the person giving the review to only give one type or the other. It was that person’s honesty, and my problem. And so we must move on.

I thought about all of the ways we must move on from our lives to create better ones. And these are the 5 ways I’m doing it.

1. Move on from your failures and your accomplishments. Accomplishments lose their value when repeated too often, and failure is never the way you want to come to define yourself.
2. Move on from the person you used to be. Stagnation does not announce itself when it walks into the room. It creeps up on you until you have no idea how to get out.
3. Move on from the idea of perfection. I would rather start a project than never start at all out of fear of imperfection. I would rather finish a project and learn something than never finish at all.
4. Move on from criticism. It exists to teach you a lesson. Take that lesson and leave the rest behind. We cannot carry the weight of it without being slowed down.
5. Move on from what is safe. By the end of a year I have a pretty good idea of what made me feel safest and what made me feel most afraid, and it is in evaluating those moments that makes me realize when I feel most alive. Chase your adventure.

I thought I’d share this outtake from my Iceland adventure today to illustrate what moving on is for me. It is letting go of fears and anxieties and doing something that you might not want to do. It is falling into your natural flow and rhythm to experience all of life’s greatest moments. It is doing, not waiting to do. This image isn’t perfect. It didn’t turn out exactly as I had hoped. But I did it, and that is the greatest accomplishment for me. It is the person I want to be, not who I used to be.

I hope you’ll share with me one thing you are moving on from in your life. It helps to know others are taking steps toward a new self.

What we can’t guess at is how they got to the top. Was it a tough climb or an easy ride, air lifted to the top? The answer is irrelevant. Regardless of how it happened, they got there. And similarly, you can choose to climb or ride. The only difference is that the ride may never come.

Sometimes we lie to ourselves by reassuring our injured egos that a person who has accomplished more was simply given a break, and they didn’t work hard to get there. This is usually a lie, and even if it wasn’t, it has no impact on your life or your journey. Because while there are many ways to get to the top of your mountain, there is only one way that you can choose…to climb.

My first love was writing. After that it was filmmaking. And only after that was it photography. I thought, for the first few years of my career, that photography was my passion. But what if photography fades from my life? What if I suddenly find myself without a camera in my hand? Will that mean that I’ve lost my passion? I don’t believe so. Passion is deeper than the medium you create with, or the job you go to. It is the reason behind doing that thing that you’ve grown so accustomed to. And with that comes the willingness to change the way you manifest that thing. It is the why, the behind-the-scenes brain-work that lifts your life off the ground. It is your imagination fed. Passion can never be lost. It might hide, but it is never gone.

My passion is storytelling. It is making others see beauty in darkness. It is shedding light on those things which many people shy away from. My passion is not photography. My passion is sending messages.

If you are trying to find your passion, I suggest a few different methods to hone in on something. And you must promise me a few key things. First, you will try hard. And I mean really hard. Try so hard that it tires you out. Fail so often that you cry. It is better than never trying hard enough to find the soul of your soul. Learn every day. Never stop seeking knowledge. Believe that you have a passion. It might not be obvious, but then again, all of the best things lie “in secret, between the shadow and the soul”, as Pablo Neruda would put it (and was also part of my wedding vows).

1. Try Harder

Seriously. I mean, really. Try to find your passion. Try everything until something sticks. Motivate yourself. Search.

2. Learn More

Seek knowledge. Never believe it is a good time to stop learning. The more you know…

3. Define Your Strengths

If you know what you are naturally good at, you know how to begin finding your passion. Do what you’re good at. Do what makes you happiest, and go from there.

4. Join Meetups/Clubs

Find like-minded people to encourage you into a certain activity, hobby, passion, etc. The more people there are to make learning fun, the more likely you are to stick with a new project.

5. Ask WHY More Often

Question what it is about a certain thing that you like so much. I could easily say that Photography is my passion, when in fact, I don’t enjoy clicking a camera and going out on shoots nearly as much as I love the story behind why I’m creating. When you ask WHY, you know WHY.

6. Find Your Message

You have something to say that someone needs to hear. Guaranteed. Don’t argue with me.

7. Stop Making Assumptions

Never assume that you simply don’t have passion. The moment you allow that excuse to slip off of your lips you can rest assured you have gone off the deep end and you are almost certainly doomed to spend the rest of your life doing something that doesn’t fulfill you. That might be an exaggeration.

8. Believe in Imagination

One of the biggest problems that a lot of people have is not believing that they can dream big or that their imagination is worth as much as someone else’s. Passion requires imagination, not just to come up with what it is that you love, but to pursue it. Creativity is kind in a world where entrepreneurs and passion-go-getters are rewarded. So put stock in imagination. Believe you have enough of it to get in the game.

Model: Jen Brook

There is a certain song that we sing, sometimes without realizing that our voice escapes our clenched throat, that vibrates through the air, noiseless, until it beats against the place it was meant to find. The lyrics are without words yet speak to a place inside where the voiceless booming of magnetic poetry carves itself in deep. Words are not necessary in this song. It is a pounding mystery. The ocean beating rocks against one another, or the crack of thunder. It carries inside itself a booming melancholy, or a rich light, and when we hear it (for only we can) we know it to be true. Such is the way with certain places. We release a song and hear nothing until it hits hard the place that makes it sing. Such is the way with humans. Such is the way with the soul.

Iceland – June 4th 2015 – 9:00pm

We arrived at the lava rocks with both joy and sadness. It was our last stop for our 5-day adventure together. The friends that I loved would be departing the next day and right then, in those few hours, we would spend our last moments creating art together. I stepped out on the rocks for the first time and bounced. I felt like a child, touching and smelling something for the first time. We rejoiced at so many things that evening – the way the clouds continuously changed, each calling to one another to look in different directions, each of us in awe. We jumped from rock to rock, holding hands, calling out, and laughing. We each strayed off by ourselves for brief moments, taking it all in. And I went with one of my best friends to shoot a private series.

The cold lessened that evening more so than the other days. We felt warm with life and excitement and so creating art nude and exposed felt easier than other times – more comforting. Soon enough we were barefoot, letting the moss tickle in between our toes, and I was glowing with inspiration. When I was photographing my friend, I wondered if the power that we felt would translate in a single image. There are times when I wish I could bring the viewer to the shoot, make them (you) feel the air and touch the ground and let your heart beat to the rhythm of that creativity. But in the moment, knowing there is no way to translate such a feeling, I had to settle for doing the best I could with what I had – a powerful woman nestled in the heart of all hearts, the soft ground covering the dangerous lava rocks in the land of fire and ice.

And so I created five images in a series, making her body look like the landscape. I photographed the first image and asked if I could keep going, changing my angle each time to create a triptych of the same model in nearly the same poses from three different angles. I photographed one pose of her reaching for the camera. At first it spoke to me as someone who needed to be rescued, but the more I looked at her reaching there in that place, I felt she was beckoning to me. Pulling me in and telling me to stay forever in this place where my heart sang more than ever before. Finally at the end of the shoot the inspiration fever had caught on, and Jen asked if she could join the shoot, which I was absolutely delighted about. And so I ended the session with both of them there in that powerful place, a finale to a poetic and emotional day.

Model, Images 1-5: KD Stapleton
Model, Image 5: Jen Brook

2. When thinking about composition, which is not as easy to see with a fresh set of eyes, consider mirroring your image in Photoshop. Simply go to Image–>Image Rotation–>Flip Canvas Horizontally. This will mirror your image and trick your mind into seeing everything in a different way. Suddenly the light will look different and the whole composition may seem off-balance, as one example. It is the perfect way of seeing your creation from a whole new perspective.

3. Look at your art on different backgrounds. Try a white background and then a black and see if it changes how you view the work. You might find your image to be better suited to a white background, or you may appreciate seeing more details when it pops against the black.

4. Upload your image to social media – privately. In Facebook, I open my messages and send myself the picture. No one else can see it, and I can see how the image looks both in thumbnail form and sized for the web. I can also see if social media is distorting the image at all – either through compression or hue/saturation/lightness shifts.

5. Look at your image on multiple monitors. I personally always look at a “finished” piece on my desktop, my laptop, and then my phone. Each has a slightly different color profile. My laptop is less saturated than my desktop, and my phone is somewhere in between. It helps to show you what others might see based on the monitor they have, and could even show flaws in the piece when looking at a less saturated screen.

6. When printing, if possible, look at your image on your printer’s computer. I don’t live near my printer anymore, but when I did I would sit with him (mostly in my earlier printing days) and see how my image looked on his monitor, knowing that it would print similarly to what I saw on the screen. Recognizing differences between your computer and your printer’s computer is good to know, since you can then calibrate your monitor to match your printer’s.

7. Create a small proof when you feel you are ready for print. A “proof” is a smaller version of the actual print you want in order to test colors, lightness, etc.. Most good printers will offer proofing services, and if they do not, you might want to ask specifically for that service or find someone who will proof with you. This allows you a first glimpse at your work in person, and helps the printer know what changes need to be made.

8. Create the actual print in the size you desire. Here is an admission – I don’t proof my prints anymore, or at least not regularly. My printer and I have worked together for five years now, so he knows very well what my prints should look like. He knows that if something looks too green, I won’t like it. He will reprint without even asking because he knows my work intimately now. Whenever you feel comfortable, print your image and be proud!

9. Ask your printer to save that proofed file. Once you get the print you like, save that image on his computer so that in the future, should you need to print that image again, you do not have to proof the image again. The printer can always print from that proofed file, until the next image comes into play and the process begins again.

“You are never defeated until you acknowledge your defeat. Rise again, determined to shine.”

“There is no such thing as something not working. When one thing doesn’t go well, it is simply the start of something else working beautifully.”

“Seek those who would enrich your life rather than a multitude who would stand side by side until a more alluring opportunity came around.”

What are some words of wisdom or advice you have for pushing past failure?

This last year of my life has been very focused on peace and kindness. It was something I felt was missing from my life in some capacity and I wanted to center myself with those attributes. I have done a lot of work to eliminate the people and things from my life that I felt were toxic, and I’ve focused my energy on giving back and following the path of kindness rather than conflict. Because of that focus in my life, I have written a lot on the subject (and chatted about it in videos). However, Denise, who wrote the above comment, brings up a really good point: how does anything get achieved if we don’t have our heads in the “game”?

This is something I have been contemplating for a few weeks now, especially around holiday season, when my motivation was lacking. I had been traveling for nearly 3 months straight, and when I returned home from Australia I just wanted to rest…for a year…or at least all winter. I found it difficult to motivate myself because I found I had largely lost my competitive spirit, which was what drove me to compete in the photo world to begin with.

I started to panic a little bit, because I found myself up against an interesting decision: find the competition again and allow myself to be motivated by it, or become irrelevant. Those two options are absolutely not the only two available, but in my mind, in a moment of distress, that was my mindset. I was worried that if I didn’t find my drive again I would lose my career, which is what allows me to support my passion habit. If given a choice between only those two options, I would not go back to being competitive. I thought about that for a while, how I would rather build a new career based on kindness rather than competition. And that was when a simple fact hit me.

If I think about my photography career and compare that to someone else in the industry, or to the industry as a whole, it would be easy to say that I’ve done nothing – that I can always do more – that I need to work harder. But if I think about my life 6 years ago when I began photography, and I think about how I had done nothing yet, it is easy to be pleased with my progress. There is always someone bigger out there who has seemingly achieved more. But you, well now…it is impossible to only find failure in your own history. At the very least, you have achieved something in the simple task of wanting to be better.

I don’t think that we need to eliminate competition from our lives in order to achieve. I think we need to redefine who is playing the game. It is all too easy to imagine yourself on one side of the court and everyone else on the other. It is easy to imagine other people’s lives and how easy they must have it. It is easy to find jealousy surfacing, but jealousy is only good for one thing: pushing better emotions down where they are hard to access.

“I know I have often benefited from an ‘enjoy the present moment’ ideology … But something keeps harping at me from the back of my mind that I’m not working hard enough. Having fun being immersed in creating? – yes! Achieving? Well, the outside measure systems I think would find me lacking. :). How does one find balance?”

This past year I was asked on a couple of occasions what my “top tips” or “secrets” are for finding success. When faced with that question (other than turning red and finding myself in a ridiculous position to answer something I have not achieved) I answer by saying that sincerity, love, and kindness is my only weapon in a wild world of people trying to beat others out and achieve more and more. This year more than ever I reject progress for the sake of progress. Moving forward? Yes, always. But moving forward just to say that I’ve achieved more? I can’t accept that.

If you’re starting a new project, maybe a career or passion, and you’re looking for a way to be motivated (and stay motivated), these are my new mantras and tips that I tell myself when I need inspiration for finishing my dreams:

1. Others will benefit from your efforts.

This is my number 1 motivating mantra. When you fearlessly go after your dreams, you are inevitably inspiring others to do the same. When you think about others when you are achieving, you invite others to share in that success or in those failures. When you allow others to see your process, you give them insight into how they might go about their own challenges.

2. There is only one way to complete your dreams: the way that feels most natural to you.

The biggest fallacy in the world is that there is one right way of doing something. I refuse to believe it, and I look at my life so far as proof. I met my husband when I was 16 and everyone said we wouldn’t last, but we are absolutely best friends and indomitable lovers after 11 years together now. When I was 21 I was told not to quit my day job because art would never make me a living. When I started contacting galleries I had no idea how, but tried until someone responded. I don’t often look into how other people have achieved their dreams because I don’t need to know to achieve mine. Trust in what feels right.

3. Love spread to others inevitably comes back.

Be encouraging. Be kind. Always behave as though a stranger were watching. When you share your love with the world, someone out there will share theirs with you in return. I believe, perhaps more than anything else in my business, that sharing my love has given me the greatest benefits. We can push our products and sell our souls as much as we want, but nothing can compete with a genuine spirit of love.

4. Be honest about why you want to achieve more, and weigh the importance of those desires.

Finding motivation is often about asking yourself honestly why you want to achieve something at all. By defining that motivation, you will be much more likely to set forth a plan to achieve them. I am a big believer in setting small goals to achieve bigger ones. If you understand why you want to get to a certain place, you can more easily figure out how to get across the stepping stones on the way. In fact, you can create stepping stones for yourself.

5. Understand when you are happiest.

I easily fall into the trap of thinking that I am happiest when I spend days watching movies and eating cookies. But in truth, that is when I forget about my responsibilities and I give my body time to rest. That is not when I feel happiness. Never confuse happiness with contentment.

I am happiest when I meditate and stretch in the mornings, make smoothies, spend time cooking with beautiful whole foods, complete tasks on my to-do list, and create (be it photography or writing). By creating a routine for yourself that includes everything that makes you happiest (not simply content) you are creating a life that breeds motivation and productivity.

6. Find a motivation buddy.

I often fall into a jealous state of mind when I work closely with others who do work similar to my own. It is hard not to. I’m just admitting to being human here. I’m sure we’ve all had this experience. So if you find yourself lacking motivation, or don’t want to get too competitive (whether you show it or not, it can be destructive), find someone who also needs to be motivated, but perhaps in a totally different way.

My friend Lindsay makes me feel motivated because of who she is and what she does, but we are so very different despite both being photographers that I’ve never felt a sense of competition with her. My friend Kelly has known me for 12 years and doesn’t do photography but we motivate each other to be better in whatever way the other may need. My husband and I are both creative but we create different things, so we motivate each other to stay on top of what makes us sparkle. Yes, sparkle. I said it.

Competition does make productivity soar, but you don’t have to compete with others to create that sense of motivation. Compete with yourself. Outdo yourself. Find your motivation and remember that your efforts will inspire others.

If you have a response to the topic of
MOTIVATION & COMPETITION
I’d love to hear from you!

Thoughts, tips, or advice about the topic is very appreciated not only for myself but for others reading. I’ll be choosing one response (blog post, comment, image, video, etc…) posted in the comments below to be showcased in the “Featured Philosophy” section of this blog so that others can see what you had to say!

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Model featured in the image above is Stephanie Perez photographed in Yonkers, NY, 2013, at an abandoned greenhouse.

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Most people go through this change in time. For most people childhood moves rather slowly because we are unaware of life’s duties and the inevitable passing of time. We are largely unaware of death and the things we want to accomplish before then. So we are blissfully ignorant of time at all, and thus, it moves slowly.

Depending on who you are, you might think about time frequently. Maybe you’re at work and have a deadline and comment on how you wish you had longer. Maybe you are savoring a good moment and wish it could last forever. Or maybe you are growing older and thinking of when you had more time. No matter what the circumstance, we all think about time at some point in our lives, and usually it is a constant companion.

But the reason I write about this is because of my shift in how I perceive time. I used to worry about it. I used to think it moved so quickly. But now things have changed. Just the other day my husband asked me if I felt time moved too quickly, and without hesitation I said “no”. Because, without realizing it, I changed my perspective on time. I stopped wondering where it had gone and instead started to embrace where it was now, for however long it chooses to stay.

I started thinking about what changed in my life over the last few years. People always say that as you get older time moves faster – an old saying to be sure, but one that is very often true. The older we get, the faster time seems to move. If this is true, then I must be nearing the edge of a black hole, because time is doing just the opposite.

What changed for me is my attitude toward life. I used to see it as a race. I used to want to be better (than who, I can’t exactly say), and achieve more, and be rewarded for these things. I saw others doing more and wanted to hustle to be like them. I saw greatness swirling around me and wanted a piece for myself. I tried really hard to get to the top. I valued that which now I see as a plague.

What changed is how I react to situations, as well as how I create them and how I leave them. Instead of working to be better, I work to be complete. Instead of creating situations that are full of stress I create situations that are full of peace. And when one chapter closes, I do not think of all I could have done but instead all that I did do, and I feel fulfilled.

1. Set goals for yourself, but do not set strict time limits.

I am all for setting goals, and I am even all for giving yourself a timely goal to complete your task. What I am not all about is what I call the Pass/Fail grading system. If you set a goal for yourself, and a date to complete that goal, it is not healthy to judge yourself solely based on how well you met that arbitrary date. Should your plan not come together fully by that time, do not give yourself a failing grade. Do not look down at yourself. Keep going, and realize that your dream is worth it.

2. When something goes wrong, teach yourself how to see the good in it.

Failures are for crazy people…meaning you have to be crazy to buy into them. Forget about failures. Stop seeing life as failure and success. Instead see it as an in-between, no matter how wonderfully or how terribly something goes. If it goes wrong, seek out those things you did well in the effort. If it goes well, seek to better yourself by identifying weaknesses. Life is almost never about a failure or a success. It is about your journey to get there and how much you have grown once you’re on the other side.

3. Keep a list.

When looking back at our life, it is easy to identify different chapters. Childhood. College. Marriage. Parenthood. Career. Self-discovery. Etc.

This is how people think. We split our lives up into these smaller pockets so that we can keep track of what has happened to us. Let’s play into that a little bit. As you enter each new experience, write down words to describe how you felt about it. I am not good at journaling my experiences. I get bored with it. But if you can remember to, every so often, write down simple words that indicate what you’ve learned from a specific situation then you are more likely to savor those lessons and keep them closer.

Here are some good examples from my life. I used to be far too interested in the worry that surrounds the internet: is so-and-so copying my work? Did I get a negative comment? Will people like me? From these naturally occurring questions I began to develop answers for myself, though not in direct relation to the questions. I learned humility, in understanding that the world does not revolve around any one person. I learned optimism, in realizing it is far more fulfilling to trust and love than to distrust and hate. I learned confidence, in understanding that I must love myself before anyone else will take that chance.

Learn from your circumstance, and remember those lessons. Keep them close, and let them govern your life. The more lessons you gather, the more life seems to slow down and taste a little bit sweeter.

4. Ditch the media.

My phone is a phone most of the time. It doesn’t update me on emails, and I frequently have it turned to airplane mode. I don’t bring my camera and laptop most places I go if I can help it. I turn my computer off when I’m not using it so it isn’t as easy to access on a whim. I’ve implemented a new system of coming up with creative ideas: instead of logging them in my phone, I write them on notepads strategically placed around my house, in my car, and in my purse.

The obsession that is wanting everything immediately largely stems from media. If we can take it down a notch and do things the old-fashioned way from time to time, we begin to savor the moments we spend doing those things a little bit more. Instead of driving, walk. Instead of emailing, write a letter. Instead of starting your day with the computer, watch the sunrise. Let nature take over. Appreciate the immediacy of life.

5. Start a gratitude club.

Start a tradition for yourself where you share what you are grateful for. Maybe it is at the dinner table, or you start a dinner club once a week for your friends to talk about gratitude. Maybe you start a blog, or use it as a space to talk about gratitude. Maybe you write it down for yourself.

At the end of every week (I choose Fridays) I talk with my husband about what I was grateful for during the previous week. This allows me to focus on the good, learn from the bad, and understand more clearly what is good about my life. If I am having trouble coming up with enough points, I search for my failures. There is more goodness in failures than in successes.

6. Find meaning in everything.

Search. SEARCH. It is what keeps us questioning and wondering and alive. Search for meaning in all things big and small. Do not wait for momentous occasions for your life to seem full and important. Create them for yourself. Run through the forest and pretend you are the wind. Notice someone’s smile on a bus and smile back, and feel the humanity in that. Cry when you want to cry and laugh when you want to laugh and enjoy the power in that. From the most mundane, everyday objects to the most important, life-changing travels, everything contains equal potential to astound us.

7. Find your innocence and curiosity.

Childhood goes by so slowly because we are discovering. When I was very young I had a dream that I flew, but I believe it really happened. So instead of telling me that it was all a dream, my mom told me that everyone flies once in their life, and that was my turn. What grew in me was a sense of huge imagination. I believed her. I believed in my ability to do whatever I wanted. I believed I was special. When we are children we believe these things so easily. We see our potential without recognizing it as such, and we believe we are worth trying for.

Get that feeling back. Believe in things you would usually discount. Learn to deny nothing and find the possibility in all things. Create your own possibilities, and believe you are worth it.

Don’t let this new year come and go. Spend time in the middle of it. Enjoy each moment of it.

Be present.

Be curious.

See everything.

—

Photograph taken during my stay in Hana (Maui) Hawaii in October with model Marsha Denlinger.

I have a couple problems with the way this question is phrased. First, the question itself seems a little bit crazy, because it assumes that there is a once-and-done solution to getting people to hit the “like” button online. The other problem is that it assumes that I know what that thing is. I don’t. My next problem is with the use of the word “follower”. It seems to me that if someone wants someone else to do something, creating a power divide simply in the wording of the situation is not beneficial. When you call someone a follower, you immediately define someone else as the leader.

Instead of wondering what the key is, or defining the situation in a certain way, remove yourself from it altogether and take a fresh look. It is a rare thing that someone knows exactly how to generate more followers on the internet. If they do, it is likely that they are paying money to get those followers through advertising, or that they are really up on SEO. The case is neither for me, nor will I assume that I know anything about social media.

But, if we’re pretending I do, then let’s break this whole thing down into more palatable terms. The beginning of the sentence “How do you get…” is one that I think needs to be changed. It should not be a question of how one “gets” followers, but instead how one simply engages more on a human level. We should not be trying to round people up like cattle, push them through the gate, and lock the door. It should be a give and take, a push and pull from one human to another.

The word “follower” is inherently negative, since it implies that the person you are trying to “get” is in some way inferior. Now I do realize that someone who “likes” a page on Facebook is now “following” someone else and what they do. But I don’t like to think of it like that. This is how I believe that is how communities are build: on the foundation of equality and mutual strengths. With that definition in mind, I aim to create spaces where anyone can speak their mind, where they feel safe to do so, and where I have an equal interest in what they are doing as they do in what I am doing.

1. WHY do you want to gain “followers” on social media?

Do you want followers or do you want peers? Do you want your “like” count to go up or do you want to create a community of strong individuals? Do you want to generate an income? Do you want to engage people with your art?

Why is it that you want people to join you on social media? And be honest about that. It is okay to say that you need to make money from your craft. That is a completely acceptable thing for an artist to do, and yes, having people find your Facebook page can be amazing for that. But at the heart of it, if you are only in the social media game to grow your number, it is unlikely that number will ever grow very fast, or very far.

Once you understand what your goal is, you can start to cater to that goal. My goal personally is to create a safe space where anyone can come to be creative, express themselves, and truly follow their passion. Therefore it only makes sense that I focus on community and giving back as two of my main topics here on my blog and social media.

2. What makes you feel good?

Let’s say you’re out with friends and one of them does something nice for you. What is one thing someone could do for you that would make you feel special? It might be someone complimenting you, showing you support, holding a door for you, getting you a present, etc…

Answer that question for yourself and then figure out how to put that sort of kindness into your interactions with people on your social media sites. If you like to receive gifts, perhaps do a giveaway on your site. If you like to receive compliments, genuinely find something you like about the people interacting with you and tell them. The list could go on and on.

3. What is your voice?

Kind of an annoying question, I know, because creative people like to talk about this all the time…but there is a reason for that. One must understand who they are and what their art form speaks of before trying to get others to listen to that message. Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone has a message that they are putting into their craft. Understanding that message and subsequently understanding what type of people that might attract is huge when it comes to building up your social media.

I know that the kind of art I create is dark, yet it is also fairytale-inspired and whimsical. Therefore, the types of people that would likely look at my work are those who are interested in the impossible, who love to dream, who like to see into a new world, and who like stories. Of course that won’t encompass everyone, but it certainly helps to give a start to what the people are like who might join my pages.

4. Use your voice!

Once you understand what your voice is and the types of people who might like to hear that voice, you can start to create content based around those ideas. If my work is dark and whimsical, it makes sense to write something dreamy to go along with my works because the voice of the writing and the voice of the image will then match. Think about who the people are that are coming to your page, and think about what they might like to hear. After all, they are being attracted because of something you created or said, so keeping that voice consistent is important.

This is never to say stop growing or do everything the same way. It is to say grow, and change, and develop while remembering who you are and who you want to be.

5. Treat everyone with equal respect.

How easy is it to absorb positive comments while getting angry about negative comments? Incredibly. Easy. Too easy, in fact. We so often ignore those who are being nice to us and quickly respond to those who would bring us down. Remember this, and remember it well: you need to decide what kind of a space you are creating. Do it intentionally, and stick to those principles. On my social media I allow everyone to have an equal voice. If someone doesn’t like something, I try to accept that graciously. If someone likes something, I try to do the same. And while the nice comments might not hurt and they make me feel a fluttering in my heart, at the end of the day I am grateful for both. I am grateful that people feel they can express themselves and that they won’t get shot down for doing so.

If that isn’t your policy, that is totally fine. Some people adamantly believe that if they didn’t ask for critique they should not have to hear it, and I totally see the logic in that. But whatever your theory, believe in it and stick with it.

I have a no hate policy on my page. If someone is saying something solely to hurt myself or someone else, I will block them. I don’t tolerate that type of behavior. But if someone is simply stating an opinion, no matter how contrary it is to my own, I let it be.

6. Recognize everyone’s importance.

Every single person has something meaningful to contribute. When you begin to see your social media experience as a give and take, you begin to treat everyone a little bit differently. Instead of posting something and hoping people flock to your post, you might comment back to other people, visit their pages or blogs, and seek their stories. Giving back to those who would give to you is an important way of showing your “followers” that you care. Without that sense of mutual respect, it is likely that people will not always return.