From Day 1 of starting the Fourth Wall series, I declared: “I am going to flood the room!”. My friends looked at my like I was nuts. After all, I had just signed a contract for a studio on the second floor. My room was being built inside of another room that wouldn’t allow me to easily move it. And there was no way anyone but me was going to risk getting in massive trouble by pumping hundreds of gallons of water into a second story room.

I kept trying to figure out how we would do it. A long vacuum, I said! Lots of buckets! A huge tarp that would catch the water! A portable swimming pool! But nothing seemed realistic enough to not severely damage the old floors we were standing on.

Finally I came to terms with the situation. I had three options: I scrap the picture entirely, I Photoshop water into the room, or I painstakingly disassemble the room and rebuild it outside in a pool. I went with the latter.

When the day came to create the image I asked some friends to come help. Two of them were hours late, but it turned out to be an easier job than I thought. I had stressed for months about the difficulty of the situation, but with a few good friends we were able to have almost the whole job done before the rest of the crew got there! It took one full day to take the room apart, set up the pool and fill it, and rebuild the room inside of the pool. Thankfully I sweet-talked (that’s how I like to see it) the manager of the studios we rented and he let us set up the pool (15 feet in diameter) in the parking lot near my studio. Even so, we loaded the pieces into a truck and drove it closer, since the wood I used was so heavy.

We even strategically build the pool right next to the dumpsters for easy disposal of the room.

The pool took a lot longer to fill than I anticipated. The morning was spent taking the room down and moving it, while the whole day was spent filling the pool from hoses. Lunch came and went and we all took bets on how much longer the water would take. Just when the light got really good outside (toward the end of day with mountains blocking the direct sun), the water finished and I was ready to shoot.

I knew that I wanted very specific looking props in the water. I chose the yellow chair which I had in my studio the whole time. I got it just to sit on and because it looked neat, but I realized it was perfect for the flooded room I was creating. I went to several thrift/antique stores to find this painting, which had the right colors. Everywhere I went I asked for paintings of a ship, and this was the only one that was the right time period and color palette. Finally I brought an old book to submerge.

I went flipping through the book to find the perfect page and there it was. I sunk the book and took some shots, making sure you could read the book page if you looked closely enough. It reads: “Epidemic of Fear”.

Everything was in place. The only trouble was that I didn’t have my normal setup. I put my ladder in the pool just outside the room but there was no ceiling to attach the camera to. Further, this image was going to take longer to shoot to try and get the water moving in the right way with the subject. My friend started out holding the camera, which I attached to my tripod and had her lean over the walls, holding it up as high as she could. It wasn’t an easy task, since it was heavy on the end of the camera (thank goodness I had switched to a mirrorless camera so at least it was lighter!). Eventually she had to take a break and switch off.

Because of this the image was shot closer than the rest, so I expanded the frame outward slightly. There wasn’t a lot of editing that needed to happen in this image to get it to where I wanted it – mostly color enhancement. I remember the first 15 minutes of shooting the shots were all out of focus. I couldn’t get a good measurement on the distance between camera and subject and the person holding the camera kept moving up and down out of exhaustion from holding the camera. Eventually we got it!

This image was very special to me. I have always been afraid of water and have always had problems with fear of any kind. I even have “Fear is the mind killer” tattooed on my arm to remind me to face my fears. It is a quote from Dune by Frank Herbert. I think that fear is a fascinating topic. The fear of being trapped, of feeling out of control, of being in a space that is invaded by something else entirely. These are all natural fears. This is what many of us try to avoid. The book sank to the bottom of the water after about 10 minutes of shooting. I remember feeling that it was a beautiful sign – the book about fear suddenly lost it’s boyancy. It lost the battle with the water.

As Frank Herbert writes in Dune – “Where the fear has gone there will be nothing, only I will remain.”

I hope you enjoy this new series which is on display and represented by the JoAnne Artman Gallery until February 18th. It is showing in New York City (Chelsea).

Very limited editions. Each print is offered at 42×42 inches with an edition of 2, and 8×8 inches with an edition of 3.

You may contact the gallery for purchase requests. Each print has been proofed, signed, and numbered by me, and comes with a certificate of authenticity.

—

Photographed with a Sony a7ii and a 25mm Zeiss lens.

Model: self-portrait

Assistance: Tim Condron, Wakyna Fullington, Kelly McGrady, Matt Force

I did 30 photo shoots while I was in Iceland, so we can’t really expect the images to let up quickly, right? This is another image from Iceland, and what a brilliant day it was. Our group arrived at this famous site very eager to create, but even more eager to eat. So we cooked in our campers before shooting while I ran ahead and tested the safety of the little bridges that seemed to be created just for us to take pictures with.

When we all saw the location as a group, it was overwhelming. The weather was perfect, with storm clouds rolling in the air, never letting a drop of water out, and vast, insurmountable scenes that only Iceland can produce. I wanted a picture out on the natural pathway, the bridge to nowhere.

The wind whipped at us, as we had grown accustomed to, but nothing can prepare you for a climb out on a rickety ledge in a billowing satin dress. The gusts were harsh, and as it caught my dress I looked down at just the wrong moment, feeling every second of the drop below. I decided it would be best to crawl out since my dress was pulling me so hard. The satin was a poor choice. As I knelt down the fabric was slippery, and my knees and feet were caught on it as I tried to make my way to the edge. In reality it wasn’t a very long way, but it felt winding.

I tried some images laying on the ledge and some standing, but in the end, standing there with the wind pulling at my dress, it felt right. I knew what I was creating, where the story was going, and how to tell it. This is my bliss. This is how I know I am doing what I am meant to do. Creating. Storytelling. Sharing.

It took me a while to edit this image when I got back. I remember creating it and thinking that it was the easiest image I had taken thus far. I knew exactly what I wanted from it, and I could already tell I really liked it. So why, then, did I put it away in a folder on a hard drive and refuse to look at it when I returned? I started fearing I’d never have the motivation to edit it – that it would be one of those images that stays hidden forever, for some unexplained reason. And yes, I have many of them.

I realized, after months of being home from that trip, what it was. I had loved the image so much. Loved the shoot so much. Knew just what I wanted from the image. And in finishing it, that day would be over. A memory captured in that image. Nothing more to go back to, nothing to look forward to. It was like closing a chapter on a day that I loved so much.

But upon editing it, I felt empowered. I relived the magic of that moment. I could feel the wind at my back, pushing me onward to the edge of the bridge to nowhere. And I embraced it. I let those emotions sweep over me. I felt a rush of bliss.

It wasn’t until I was putting this video together that I realized the impact of what I was creating. I went searching for music and came across this song by Message to Bears which touched me so deeply, I felt as though it was the perfect punctuation to a long and elated sentence. It gave the image more meaning. It gave the image life.

Throw it down, look away,
Don’t be scared, it’s okay.
Settle down, set it right,
Don’t be scared, it’s alright.

To have memories that we cherish, to have images to remember them by… Life is constantly growing all around us, and I am content – radiantly happy, even – to sway with it. Let it move as it will, and I’ll create with it as well as I can. Walk out onto the ledge, reach for what you want. Every storm has an eye, every fear a beacon of hope. So settle down, set it right, don’t be scared, it’s alright.

Which music inspires you to create?
Any songs that you feel match perfectly with your vision?

Hello LOVELY community! This is the final day of our 3-week collaboration and I am just so thrilled with the results. I hear time and time again, when I’m out at different events, that community is dead and it’s every man/woman for him/herself. But I believe that there is community everywhere if you are so willing and bold as to create it, or join it, or give back to it. We, as creatives, are too often taught that to be vulnerable in a community is weakness. It is your allowance to other people that they may make fun of you, judge you, or bring you down. But I believe that community is strength. It is what brings us together, not what rips us apart.

I’ve chosen a winner for the collaboration, but that doesn’t mean that this picture is any better than any other – who am I to judge, anyway? I chose a winner based on the attempt – based on the interpretation and how much it inspired me at first glance. I was a little bit worried about choosing a winner, since I fundamentally don’t believe in competitions, but then I remember who you are – that you are a group who would not judge me for picking one out of so many, and you, who would be happy for whoever won, and gracious toward everyone. That makes my butterfly wings flutter.

Here are the WINNERS — That’s right, plural, because I liked these two so much for completely different reasons, and in the end felt I couldn’t judge one against the other. In random order…

Julie Mullin’s image stood out to me because of it’s simplicity and strength. She didn’t have to show a lot to make the viewer understand the image. The shadow of the bed across the girl’s face paired with her expression and moody lighting drew me in immediately and I’ve been thinking about it ever since I saw it. It reminded me so much of childhood, with a fantastic sense of innocence, and I truly commend Julie for achieving that.

Julie also made a video to go with her image, reading the story aloud and showing part of her creation process!

Theresa McManus’ image is overtly powerful and full of fury. The red color of the dress screams strength while the lighting says war: the war above, the war within. The way she used the sword in this image in such a proactive way really grabbed my attention. And finally, the ray of light that she included really made me center in on the subject and highlighted the intensity of the battle raging within our main character. Not to mention that light had a flair of heaven, which goes well with the ending of the story, too.

Fantastic work everyone! Please scroll down to view everyone’s work (in alphabetical order), each linked to their websites, and pocket that inspiration for a beautiful week! Barbara, Julie and Theresa – Please get in touch with me so I can send you some goodies!

Fear is a funny thing. No matter how often we confront them we find a new one. When the clouds clear up and the sun shines through we find another cloud to take it’s place. And that is the human condition. It is the desire to find fear and face it that makes us unique. It is our undying affection for challenge and rebirth that makes us interesting.

We shelter ourselves with umbrellas and hats and rain coats so that we cannot feel the sting of the rain, but the rain is rarely as bad as one thinks it will be. It can be unpleasant and cold and lonely, but it lets you know you are alive. Just the same with fear: when we let it touch us, when we do not run away, it has no more power. The more we ignore it or shield ourselves from it, the larger it grows, an ever-present entity in your heart. But when it is unleashed, and we feel it’s full effects, we know it for what it is. We call it by name and look it in the face. We understand what our fear has to say, and we respond in kind.

Do something that requires bravery every single day.

That was the thought I had the other day that changed everything for me. I no longer felt bound by life’s rules. I simply wanted to be brave, to do something that scared me, and to face that thing head on. When we do something that takes courage, we diminish fear. It will never leave our side completely, for if it does we know we are complacent, unchanging, and stagnant. But that cloud will grow smaller, as I have watched mine for the last few years, until it is a friend, a companion, waiting to challenge you.

Don’t let your storm cloud grow so large it changes the lives of others.  And just as importantly, don’t let it cast a shadow over your life. Take control of it. Embrace it. Learn to see the good in it. And when you do, you might find that it has moved on without unleashing the storm you were expecting. Because when we love our fears, we make room for blue sky days.

Model: Mia Hutchinson

Share here a fear that you are currently struggling with.

Share one way that you exhibited bravery in the last month.

My current fear: That my convention won’t be a success. 

Moment of bravery: Emailed new galleries to request exhibitions.

If I had videotaped myself a year ago, or 6 months ago, or even a couple months ago dealing with this exact situation…it would have been uncomfortable. Disappointment is just not something I can stomach. But this time was different. I was different.

I had my initial gut reaction. I let myself have it. I didn’t break down, but I let myself feel the hurt. Quickly though, I moved past it, and I did so with three steps. Simple, but life-changing for me.

The first thing that I did was to immediately begin reciting positive mantras to myself, out loud. I just started spewing off anything I could think of that would lift my spirits and allow me to remember my worth.

The second thing that I did was to remember the big picture. What was happening hurt in that moment, but it would not define who I am or what my career is. It would simply be, and then it would be forgotten over time.

The third thing that I did, and most importantly for me, is that I reacted quickly. We have the opportunity, during any given situation, to decide how we feel about it. I decided, right there and then, exactly how I was going to handle the situation (by writing out solutions and taking action immediately). This helped tremendously in making me feel like I had control over something that seemed out of my hands.

We are all creatives, and a lot of us pursue creativity either as a passionate hobby or as our professions. As such, we know what it is like to put ourselves out there and receive criticism. Many of us suffer from anxiety given the right situation. How do you overcome it?

Would you be willing to share a tip or two that you practice to overcome fear, anxiety, or criticism?

I remember the first time I posted on social media. I uploaded five pictures. I didn’t know how it worked. I went to Flickr with no expectations except that, if I was very lucky, I would make some friends and develop a new hobby.

I remember the first time someone believed in my photography that wasn’t my mom or dad. I worked with her, Michelle my dear friend, and she came behind my desk one day, looked at the new picture I was editing, and told me that I should take a chance on galleries.

I remember the first time I wrote to a gallery. It was eight months after I started taking pictures. I wrote to every gallery email I could find. I messed it up royally. I burned bridges. I didn’t know any better. I told myself I was young, but that had no role in it. I was just learning.

I remember when I decided to quit my job to pursue photography. I went into my office crying, not because I didn’t want to leave, but because I was terrified at what my boss would say. And to be honest, it was as bad as I expected. I cried every day for two weeks until I finally left, and then I learned what it was like to breathe.

I remember when I had my first exhibition, just a few days after I quit my job. I sold nothing, but felt like I was on top of the world. My parents flew in to see it, my first friend from the internet Christine did the same, and I felt like a real artist.

I remember when I had to get a temporary housekeeping job because I couldn’t make enough money creating my art. I felt embarrassed, like I was less of an artist because of it.

I remember when I taught my first workshop. I was so scared that I thought I was going to throw up the whole morning. But beyond that, I was excited at the prospect of opening up the imagination. I remember talking excitedly and nervously to a man standing outside of my shooting location. At the end of our talk, he said “Your positivity is infectious, never lose that.” I will never forget him.

There are certain experiences that define who we are. We call them memories once they have passed, and those memories dictate how we see the world, and how we see ourselves. There are two things that dominate my mind when I think about all of the memories I have of “firsts” that I’ve experienced. Whether it was taking my first picture or hosting my first workshop, there was fear, and then there was bliss.

These two things are linked so wholly that I don’t know if I have ever had one without the other. Fear is a catalyst for change. It is what we feel when we are doing something new. It is what we feel when we are uncertain. It is what we feel when we doubt. But beyond that, it is our greatest demon. It is what we battle, time and time again, to find our happiest selves. It is what we constantly confront, push past, and conquer. And the conquering of fear is what connects all of my memories. It is what makes them so spectacular.

I heard from someone the other day who said that the aspire to get to a place where they don’t fear moving forward anymore, like me. I wanted to take that person by the shoulders, shake them, and then hug them. “That’s not me!” I wanted to shout. That’s not me at all. I feel fear. I feel doubt. I am scared to move forward.

But I remind myself, even if sometimes my reminders are delayed, that the purest forms of happiness stem from overcoming fear. I remind myself that failures are lessons. That success is only how you see your circumstance. That I am powerful enough to try anything, overcome my losses, and change my life if I want to.

I move forward right now, during this time in my life. I am hosting a “Promoting Passion” convention in October this year for all of us “misfit” creatives who feel fear, chase hope, and who want to do something a little bit differently. I am terrified that it will fail. I am scared that everything will go wrong. But I remind myself in this endeavor that if it does, I will learn. That if it doesn’t, I will find my bliss. If it doesn’t, I will find friends. If it doesn’t…

Conquer your fear today.
Encourage someone else to do the same.
Promote your passion.

Artificial Lighting
Clipping Masks
Auto (anything) in Photoshop
Working with Agency Models
Dealing with a Bright Background
Modern Props/Spaces
Narrative Storytelling
Working with a Team

And the list goes on. *And* that is just for my photography. We all have countless struggles in our lives, be it professionally or personally. When we love something, we want to do it well. We want our hearts to be poured into something great. We put emphasis on what we love and so we do it, yet somewhere along the line we start focusing on all the ways in which we might fail.

No one will ever be good at everything. Even the most proficient person at their craft has a range of things that they simply aren’t good at. Yet at the heart of our challenges lies the simple idea that we are not actually bad at anything; we are afraid.

If someone tries hard enough at something, it is likely they will get past that awkward, uncomfortable phase of being bad at it. That doesn’t mean they will ever be the best, but they certainly will progress. The single thing that stops us from pushing past what we are bad at is fear of trying at all – being judged, judging ourselves, losing self-esteem.

For me, take artificial lighting. From my earliest days as a photographer people told me that in order to be “professional” I had to learn how to light my photos. I had learned about lighting a little bit in film school, and even then was terrified to touch a light despite wanting to be a cinematographer. I often opted for more unusual (re: low budget) ways of lighting a scene, like a 200watt bulb inside a paper lantern from Ikea. It worked, or at least…most of the time.

However, that does not mean that artificial light can’t produce the same results, or that I could expand my style even further by trying. So, then, why did I not?

Fear. That is what stops most people from doing most things.

Fear that my style will change and I will have the growing pains of growing into it.
Fear that I won’t be good at it. I have given artificial light a try, from huge softboxes in the forest to bare bulbs in my house. And to be honest, I don’t enjoy those pictures as much. But even more, I don’t enjoy that process. And in creating images with artificial light, I’ve learned something valuable – that I feel secure and fulfilled with my methods, and yet I don’t have a looming fear hanging over my head anymore.

I love creating for myself and by myself. I love my process so wholeheartedly it feels like an extension of myself. Yet that does not mean that there isn’t room for growth. There are always things to learn, even if it is what you don’t want to do. As long as you understand who you are, exploring other options can only act as a catalyst for a more secure and fulfilling life.

Today, when you write your list of things you can’t do, pick one of those items and change it. Do it. Break out of your comfort zone and try something completely foreign to your process, and own it. Fly or fall, that is no matter. The outcome is less important than the journey. Take a step forward to challenge your own fears and overcome them. The moment you do, you are free of them.

—

The above image was photographed with SweetLights in my living room, with a WHCC floor and black cloth background. Oh, and lots of painful body positions, as usual.

]]> https://www.promotingpassion.com/free-of-fears/feed/ 21 https://www.promotingpassion.com/promoting-passion-week-35-promote-passion/ https://www.promotingpassion.com/promoting-passion-week-35-promote-passion/#comments Mon, 01 Sep 2014 15:44:40 +0000 http://www.promotingpassion.com/?p=1631 Read More Read More

You start to create despite people in your life telling you not to. You start to create despite that little voice telling you it won’t be good enough. You create because you are inspired, and it feels like the right thing to do.

You are good at what you do. You want to start a business. You worry about money. You worry about reputation. You worry about what people will think if you turn your passion into a career.

You have a career but the pressure is always on. Create something new. Create for your client. Create for yourself. But soon the pressure of creating takes the fun out of it.

So often, when someone starts a hobby or passion or career, these are the things that we worry about: being good enough, staying inspired, making money, looking good, losing it all.

Sometimes we spend so much time worrying about these things that we do lose it all. We forget why we were inspired to begin with and those feelings of passion are replaced with feelings of dread – not wanting to let anyone down, not wanting to let yourself down.

If I think about my hobby, which turned into my passion, which turned into my career…it is easy to think of the milestones which made me worry or cry or jump for joy. I remember struggling so much with money that I got a part time job as a personal assistant. I remember feeling guilt at how I was pursuing my dream but helping no one while I was doing it. I remember feeling like a fish so small I couldn’t possibly avoid the hungry mouths of the bigger fish. I remember feeling like I was someone, and wondering if someone else would take that away.

Over time our doubts ebb and flow. We have concerns and we step on them. We have fears and we confront them. But the one thing we will always have is an uphill battle, and that is a good thing. If we want to learn and grow and become the best version of ourselves, we will always be climbing that hill. And in my years of experience thus far, I have learned something very valuable:

The uphill battle is never just the money, or the reputation, or the competition. It is the hill itself, and willing yourself to climb even when life isn’t easy. It is the hill that never ends, the top reaching past the clouds, and you wonder when you will find relief. But if you learn to see the climb as a challenge and a gift, always teaching you, always nurturing you, you begin to nurture yourself. You adjust to breathing the air that high up, and your legs become stronger, and you push on.

And once you climb so high, you are above it all: the competition, the drama, the fear. Sure, there will be new battles all the time, but you will be better equipped to handle them as they come.

So if you are climbing that hill and you wonder if it will ever be worth it…if you feel stuck and out of breath and wonder if you should keep climbing: the answer is yes. Pursue your hobby or passion or career. Become yourself. Step into your life. Because all the concerns and aches and pains are worth the bliss of being who you are meant to be – unabashedly, proudly, and above all – inspired.

Model: Katie Johnson